Show v c i g if t J if J d j wJ It 4 I tI 4 Y 4 T G JI f i 4 4 4 4 4 4 ii i t i f f m modern d a bl f B By Y 1 rg de r 1 f g r i 4 t tb b mod rn Fable ot of tb the 1901 RIP Uan an Wh Found Out of Date Dat 4 j t tf 4 4 9 f m 1 I j J jj 1 1 it it W t c Ii Once there was wa a City Chap Chal who wile went to the Seashore to B nd hia h ii v vand ca and what he had ad saved WId during the oUter tl He Ha had bad to exert himself hi hito to crowd all aH his into hito a Fort Fortnight FortnIght night One day he went w nt out in a CatBoat t merely to show kow off for the bent benefit ben t of or a ft School Teachers Excursion Party on the Pier He had learned to sail Il a Boat by reading Special Articles Artices on Oil Small Sma Craft A Storm came up and blew bIew him I out lo 10 Sea SeR They waited two days d ys for him to bring brIn the Boat BOt back to the Owner and then he had Ills h name in the Paper and I It came out for tor the first time that he hew was Wag w a Prominent Young Business Man with Large Circle of oC Friends Those Tho who had known him at the office ottice or the Boarding House began to concede him hima a few tew rood good Traits after all The Se Sc Secret Secret cret Society to which he belonged belon ed called a 8 Special Meeting M presided over ov r by the Eminent HiKI of all the City Lodges and passed aed ed a link chain of Resolutions the Responsibility on Provi Providence Providence Providence dence instead of pointing out that a R Physical Runt who is Assistant Mana Mama Manager ger er of a Dress Goods Department must take his Ills own Chances when he tries to sail a CatBoat The Resolutions called at to the Fact that the Deceased hau bau been a Dutiful Son a 8 Loving Brother and a 8 Loyal L and Steadfast Friend which he had never been ac accused accused of being beine while he was standing around on a Corner waiting for fOl a Cross Croas CrossTown Town Car 0 There wa was a Young Youn t Lady Art Stu Student Student Student dent to whom the Dear Departed had 11 been engaged en ed with a 8 Mental Reserva Reservation Reservation I tion that he would shake her if he be I could Scare up one who suited him bet better better better ter This Young Woman had Greatness I J I 1 r L She Was Wu a Dear De r Young Y ung Art Student thrust upon her hei There were H Cuts of the Prostrated Fiancee throwing herself across a Sofa In an I Interview she told that Randolph seem seemed seemed ed to have received a Hunch of his im impending Impending pending Fate for he had bad spoken to her about a Dream in which he saw s w Large Fish Flak swimming around him I But the Land Lubber in the CatBoat had not been Lost Far out at Sea he was picked pick UP by a Portuguese Brigan Brigantine tine UDe bound for sore some port known only to School Children and the State Department Randolph requested the Captain to put back as he needed a change of Balbriggan and had agreed to one of the School Teachers at atthe atthe atthe the Scenic Railway at four that after afternoon afternoon afternoon noon The Captain gave him a Brutal Answer and put him before the Mast which se m to be a part of the Ship reserved for Strangers Stran rs For many weeks they sailed the Briny Bri y Drink and finally he was beached on a Foreign Forel n Shore He hunted up an Am American American American Consul and applied for a First Class Ticket Tic t to New York and enough Money to permit him bim to play Table Stakes all aU the way home and then re ro remember remember member the Stewards The Consul was getting a 8 year and paying his own House Rent R nt so he advised his Coun Countryman Countryman Countryman tryman to Swim back Finally the Un Unfortunate Unfortunate fortunate Man Shipped hipped as Assistant Cook on a Norwegian ian Schooner and af at after after ater ter er many Dany Vicissitudes stepped stopped ashore in his Native Town just six months from the day of his Disappearance As he came into a Street leading to a main Thoroughfare he saw Men in Strange Hats and Garments of Fantas Fantastic tic Pattern walking with Women en enveloped in it long Masculine Coats of a amOB most mOB Amazing Bu giness while each balanced on her head he d an immense Disc trimmed gayly In the show windows were fabrics woven in such designs as ashe ashe ashe he had never seen before A surprising kind of whizzed over the Pavements The billboards bm bards advertised new Kinds of Pickles and nd immortal Dramas the names of which he failed to recognize I While he was Wag leaning against a Lamp Post marveling at the Changed Ch Aspect of the Town he heard a Band coming I down the street and saw behind it an Open Carriage followed by a Whoop I ing Multitude In Ii the Carriage sat a I A T The New Hev Popular Author Was Vlas Hand Rand Handing ing Lug Out Autographs Proud Man in a SealSkin Overcoat who was handing handin out Autographs Who is the Popular Person asked Randolph of a Policeman Do you m mean ma to say that you yo do not recognize his Z asked the Palice P man That is D Donoway n author of Colonial Carrie the th Ro Ito Romance mance that came clime out nearly eleven el ven days ago Already ady the sales up Two Million Three Women were ere tram pled to Death yesterday at a 8 Bargain Sale Eale where w ere they were handing them out oat at each and throwing in an of the Author sitting at his Desk thinking about the Plot Is rs it a Good Story T asked the Re Returned ReturnEd Returned turned Traveler It t is a 8 replied the I Policeman George Washington Ben Benjamin Benjamin jamin Franklin Patrick Henry George he Third John Hancock and Israel Putnam are all s stuck tuek on the Heroine i There is a Clot of Blood in every Chap Chapter ter and the Atmosphere is so good goo l that you ou cant make out what the people are talking about half halt the time bet better better better ter read the Book before you go to see seethe seethe seethe the Play Is 15 it as good as Daisy Dalsy Dean of Del Delaware Delaware Delaware aware asked Rudolph mentioning the Terrific Success of the Preceding Summer to prove that he was vas not wholly Ignorant I dont remember it said the Liter Literary Literary ary Copper Im like everybody else these Days Das I cant think of oC more than one at a Time The One who had returned from the Dead then started for fOl his hin Boarding BoardingHouse BoardingHouse BoardingHouse House to see If he could put up a Talk 1 and get possession of his bis Trunk Arrived at the Corner where the Humble Boarding House once reared its i three Stories he found himself at a 11 Family Hotel with Nine Floors an Office with 2500 Electric Lights in it and anda I a 8 Flunkey in Livery standing at the thet i t Edge Ede of the Sidewalk to lift People in and out of or their Carriages Carrl es esI I I Where is Mrs Phillips now asked the Rip Van ran Winkle I The Flunkey looked at Randolph and saw sw that his Collar was Six Months behind the Style so he refused to an answer answer swe Across the street there happened to tobe tobe be a Man who remembered that therel there the I had l been a Mrs Phillips in that Neigh Neighborhood but she had disposed of her J 4 I 1 IM j There Was a Family Hotel With Nine Floors Lease to a Syndicate for and was w s now in Antwerp having a Painter fix n up a set of Ancestors In Oil All at once the Homeless Wretch hap happened happened penel to think of the Art Student his regular DulcIana and Sunday Night StandBy so he dug for the House She was not at Home but Mamma was Mamma came out and after a lot lotof lotof lotof of hard Mental Concentration and hav hay having having haying ing him recall other Incidents she man managed managed managed aged to remember that he had been engaged to her Daughter some eight months previously ly She said there had b been so 80 many man it was hard haird h to t keep Tab Tabon on the whole Bunch And where is my Darling rUng Fiancee now asked Randolph h She Mourned for three long Weeks after the Sad News came reported ported Mamma then the Color came back baek to her Cheeks and she Smiled Occasional ly Iy and at Once married a Divorced Man named Thompson who is 18 on the Stock Exchange They Th y lived Happily for about 45 Minutes and then the POre Perse Persecuted P rote Lamb gave him the Run and forced him to a Settlement She is 13 nw now the wife wile of Concert a Tenor They Thy are on the Road and appear appeal at Quincy Ills lila this evening The rhe BrokenHearted Lover went f ut into the Street again He lLe was vory vy Lonesome Lone ome Every Everyone ono one was whistling Coon Songs that were New Ones on cn him He bought an Evening Ut Ev ning Paper and arid found that the Information he hf h was seeking had become Ancient History He asked a ked about the Siege of Pekin and aud the Boer Hoer War and the Pedestrians threw things at him He was afraid to ask how bow the Section Ee came out or who no was Aas the Champion Pugilist or what had been the Scandal in m High Liff or how much the Transatlantic Hot n rd had been lowered The great World of Thought had moved ahead Six Months Mont hs leaving him far Behind His Hi former fonner Friends either had caught the Market right and moved out nut of his Sphere or else they had landed Flat so that he could not afford to reestablish Cordial I Relations In his own line of business bu an en n different kind of Dress Goods had come in He had lost his Grip so lie went back and shipped on the tile m Schooner MORAL If your Our line IlDe 1 b s J Drew Dress Goods keep away from CatBoats Copyrighted by BoItt rt Howard Bowar Rua |