Show I fL S Si SN i N Mr M Dooley D 00 I e y on Turkish T ur ke IS h Politics P 0 Jet lies By B Copyright y F 1909 by P H E H McClure DUNNE DUN Company N E Ml Well Ir n sir IiI said Mr r Dooley Doeley th iii crow crown rown n on army anny kings head these the e 1 Th time was it was me mer r tion nr or wan nan Iv thlU to be a king kingIn V In life T rt committed the youthful r Iv it I heir hein I born b om outside out Iv th i V an n s so I cu t be But lont ft nt make anny what Ihry a king comes romea from so BO long longdon hP h don dont t come th thO r e he ht king No natives need ap apis ii is th motto If It a is so sod j d ft that it has to have a 8 king they the ther r a enmity down to Ellis island an anut cut flut ut a good god healthy health t iP a him throw away ay his hla wooden shoes bather hather ther cap an proclaim him king ito H iv th Faith Kings are th tha a grants that are let Th king i iv England is a German Germanton ton kinK king iv 1 iv Ital Italy is a Sardine th king kingMen se Sweden Men len Is N a I an all th r 1 kings an queens are Danes ex ox lh th king iv u Denmark an th Lord 11 WS s what he hf Is II IsN N ye y w see s theres constitution to me a MIK an I looked forward to tome o tim me hm hin Id turn th thO lIoe CIa Cin Cinal al a deep into nto a rile an rule ve among shim him with f gh hand I Id d be a nah arch Xo 0 o wan tha came to th pal pat palud pato o laud ud utI go away a 11 emp empy handed Id Idan Lays an lax lave axe a little something vI 1 a hit is iv a cabinet Id have but with tit U t a aired n fL that end cud be hired f fr r nr or an no wan waa w woo d ten tell me mew truth w an I T Id d t he live an die da j happy Id rd Idt w these hese t ht here hElp king kings how h a aught 1 ought aught to behave Ye Martin fartin J I u Iv 1 j beloved n run ran rank runaround runaround around like ilkI k a hired e entertainer oa lay drain chin th Ill wurruk Iv a talkative klayer r at th Iain iv lv I a corner f another day over a 8 ban n h th h Amalgamated Society iv ivd i v d vr Iv Hook ZY es or o r o e with th Boots Boot Durnell an irlie arll t 1 ra or wl out in m th thO rain r a ball balloon nn to come orne down stuck k a church steeple It forty t miles mile away aRSy sir tr Ir Id Td fiver niver nn r appear in public pUbU buan but bul t st T a Par ar an thin I Id d blindfold ld me m e ks v u that t d yd stay tile hie An ulcer pen open me ml mouth meuth oc ex i t t to t corn com Ind musie mui an db k Rut But th to In w deco Ie lv h kings has hall anon ed th busine is I as a 8 fr tr an today Id rd think taken th thO Job Ts as as a steeple jacks an no more permanent thin a Rosen felt holdover Taft If It a king goes out an ag looks haughty some wan Iv his fir fires a gas pipe bomb at him an If It he to be Janial hes Uble lible to be slapped on th back in th paddock an called calli Ed Fd Look at mo JRe frind trind Abdul Harald Hamid I med Iv king some sometimes sometimes sometimes times I let me mind run on till tm I had promoted to be sultan Iv Tur Turkey Turkey Turkey key There me boy was a Job that al always always always ways me It was wen well paid it looked to be permanent and I thought it about th thO best situation In in th Th sultan was a kind Iv a com combination combination combination iv pope an king If It he like ye e he first ye an thin he be ye yet There thinks Ito I Ito Ito to there he pe sets th happy old on a silk embroidered lounge in his Ids slippers with his legs curled up him a turban on his bis head a 8 crooked In his lap tap a pitcher Iv sherbet which is th in thim parts at his elbow a pipestem like a hose in his hand while night nightingales nightingales whistle In th cypress threes in th tho garden an beautiful la ta ladies dies dance in front iv him far his madding throng iv wives as th pote pete says Sy th Iv v th wants to to him he starts his office on his stomach an wriggles Into th fit august presence pres nee What Is It Itye itye ye Je want eh ok head Iv h lignum vity says th thO sultan Bark fr th ladies ladles says he With a chuckle Oh iv th prophet whose name f e blest Oh sun an moon an stars whose frown is la death de th an whose smile is heaven to th faithful Dont be so with me first tame name says th thO sultan but goon go goOR OR on with supplication time tion says S he Teer slave says th thO Iv lv th th thO nure flure is de with grief to tell ye e that thata anther aether a ther th intire InUre empire on its head bead he d hes been enable to shake out more thin two fr this weeks expanses Iv h awfulness says saS he What says th sultan two taro mill j on harly enough to buy burrd seed fr tr me bulbuls says saOS he hEI I I How Haw dare ye Je come Into me august pris Ince nce with such an Insult Lave it on th flure fiure f tr fr r th boy that sweeps up oh son iv a tailor taller he says an he gives a nod an behind a a curtain comes Jawn Johnson with little on him an anth anth anth th next thing ye hear Iv th faithless minister is a squeak an a splash He rules be love alone thinks I an that life without love tove is useless anny body that dont love him can go an get measured f tr fr r a name plate an be sure hell need It th price is lower His people worship him an why dent they the He allows thim to keep all th thO dogs they want he thim irm dissolute di habits be their loose money thim an Ivry year he gives thim an which is a great help to th business In this c Happy Abdul thinks I If I cud be bea a hay then an was a marry in man eer soft sot spot Id like to land tand in fr tr me days So I in th that there was a Uon tion to fire Abdul Hamid I says to A fine chance yeve got me lads That old boy will be holdin down his Job theres a va vacancy vacancy vacancy cancy on OI on th coort bench at says I Th first thing ye young Turks know yell be gettin get Un Una a eer Iv a necktie says I an it wont fit ye yc says I Well Weil sir I was wrong rong I knew I Iwas Iwas Iwas was wrong th tit I see a pitcher Iv Abdul Hamid in th a snap snapshot snapshot snapshot shot mind ye Think of ot that will ye Dye suppose a sultan or a king that knew his Iver fiver let anny army wan take a snapshot Iv him Did ye aver Iver hear Iv Alexander th thO t or Na Napoleon Napoleon a snapshot took iv lv him No sir str they wanted to satisfy th thO vulgar curiosity Iv th to know what their lord toro looked like they chained an artist to a awall awall awall wall in th cellar of th palace an says they Now set down an paint a pitcher iv me that will get ye out iv here says they Nobody in thim days knew that th king had a mole mote on his nose an thin that th t wan iv his eyes e es was made iv glass except th people that had Jobs to lose Up to th time Abdul Hamid want around Constantinople in a hack an havin his pitcher took be his job was wag secure Up to that time wan Turk talked to another about him they talked In whispers What dye suppose hes like Osman 7 says wan Oh me oh my says th other but hes th wan They say his voice Is ia like thunder an shoots his eyes that shrivel th likes Iv ye yean yean yean an me to a cinder But Abdul he as th potts poles call him made th mistake Iv his head out iv th palace Well who dye I Iye think I 1 see today but th sultan I tell ye I did What is he like He aint much to look at ata a skinny little Ute man Osman that ye cud between i thumb an forefinger He had ha a abad abad abad bad cold an was He wore a coat He has a wen on th back baek Iv his neck an hes cross croe eyed Heres a pitcher Iv him What that little tittle runt Ye dont mean to say th sultan Why he looks like th fellow follow that stops me Ivry day on th corner an asks me have I anny army old clothes thin what I r have on onAn onAn onAn An to think Iv th likes iv him over th likes Uke Iv us Lets throw him out Twos th pitchers done th busi bust business bustness business ness fr tr Abdul an do th busi busl business ness fr tr th tho king iv England he gets through Ye Te can put It down in Ineer eer little book that is s worse fr Cr kings thin bombs No wan is goin to be ruled over be a king th yve seen a snapshot iv him himas himas himas as a German Gennan brewer leadin a horse be beth beth beth th halter hatter an makin a face ta that is meant fr Cr an affable smile but comes out in th pitcher like th expressing t Iv 1 Flanagan hes th ham hammer hammer hammer mer merSo So it was with me old triad frind Abdul Wan day a captain an a squad iv polls backed th wagon up to th thO dure iv th palace an f rung th bell there says M S th sultan th loose change Into his shoe Th house is pulled says th captain Year license is expired come peace peaceful peaceful peaceful ful he says ays Anthey An they bust in th dure an th thO sultan puts put a shirt an a couple Iv ir collars into a grip an lUen iv his hie least wives to go along with him an anthey they put on their bonnets bonnet bonnetan an shawls an carry out their burrd cages an their goold fish an their fan tan fancy tancy fancy cy wurruk an th wagon starts off an has to stop so that iv thim can go back an get something they Ergot at th last mst moment an th thO der iv th thO faithful says Did ye Iver know wan tv iv thim to be beY ready Y cap an th captain says rye s all alt alike dock an th clangs th bell an off oft goes th mighty potentate to a frame in Englewood An th sultans brother brotherto brotheris to is taken out Iv v a padded cell where he has been kept fr tr years because he was crazy to bo be sultan an sn is boost boosted ed into th throne An he hs has lias his hie pitch pitcher er took an is be th re an tells thim he will wUl do th thO beet best he can an he hopes th preen pree wont be too hard on him because he is 18 isa Isa a poor p or anyhow An there ye arre There goes me iv heir bein sultan along with me me am iv bean bein a a till Ulf th Spanish war an me iv it bon Jawn D till un I knew about him an seen Hell a pitcher Iv him in th tIl If It th kind iv a job joba a sultan has Ill lave it fr tr to take that wants it Why Wh be th Young Turks come to search th tit palace like th they arre arreto to find fiRd if It hed left teft anny army money behind th thrace they the found iv anny thing that Id fr tr me back baek room roomI I begun to feel sorry Fr tr th poor old I ml Instead iv on a sofy an listen In to th song Iv th thO burrd in th threes while ladles th chorus Iv Th Black Crook fanned him with fans iv peacock feathers fathers th old hay then was locked up In a garret with a revolver in his hand ready roody to shoot that come next or near him him I He suffered dyspepsia an he cud cudden I den dent t sleep nights He cud ud ate nan thin I thin than milk toast He was r be fashions whim to have bave five AVe wives wan was waa w abon C t i dant dent Take it all in I all he be led a dogs f life Ufe an I bet ye hes now where he is III th mo win th Ut lawn an into Constantinople Con Constantinople iv Iy a Saturday night an see He HeIn in girls dancin fr tr th first time in his n lt e His ms are all alt grown up an anie safe in Jail he be has four foar an leee leu wives but are aM a good manny in th sub ib urbe be baa has put away way a few fr Cr av a rainy day da life lite may improve hi his hIa health an I if It read gome some day in III th tta At th Di county fair fah th first prize ADze fr tr Poland Chiny hens bena he was won be A Hamid th poplar ex sultan Ye cant tell about it i i Give th thO poor man a 8 chance says II J I There may be th makins Iv a 8 citizen In him all What op has baa he had tell me What 4 t can ye y a man that never Diver f was wag taught that he be cud do anything he be wanted to te todo tedo todo do without been bein called down fr Pr It U It make anny army dUrrence whether tie Us a or th thO rajah Iv tan be gorry garrY put a 3 crab club In his hla hand handan an tell ten him that he can use uee u It an hell heH begin non It tomorrah Hell HeJI break wan head bead tomorrah two th next day dayan dayan f fan an hes been on at th or orth orth orth th throne a year tar be a whack o 0 oth on th he says ay How arre ye By an by hell get so manny pee peo K pie afraid Iv him that hell heli be in hi den dan danger r 4 ger gee and make him afraid iv thim thiman r ran an thin hell be more dangerous thin thia c iver dye mind Th ony any man ye need nee to be afraid iv is th man afraid afraid f Iv lv ye An what makes a tyrant tHes t f Hes stated scared to death It If Id thought about it I Iv me hind frind people eOple I Id d ve re known theY find And him In a room roam an at it th hired girl she comeIn come comein comeIn in with his porridge So S Im glad I IaU all aU that I put in m me application I want no man to fear tear me Id hate f ji jito to be more of a coward thin I am What arre these thee Turkish j jIve Ive been shout about said Mr Hennessy Henne sy f I dont know said Mr Dooley I y 1 I dont keep them thim Have a cigar Igar j E M c 0 c |