Show HOME RUN HAGGERTY BY GEORGE WILLIAM DALEY DAL Y If I could sign a pitcher who j drink and booze boozeS t S If f I J oId ret iet t kett hose se mouth ant vant full Lull o lies lias If I could find a baseman who vho always snooze Id bid farewell to every fear and wipe my m weeping eyes yes Thus sang Josh T sh Hapgood Hap the poetical cal manager of our famous nine the Alfalfas of the league And as if in answer to his song there came caine a knock at the door an a minute later a young man carry in a gripsack walks in Me Ale an Pinch Ho Hobbs bis was there with the manager an we looked over the new comer We could see he was a 8 ball player He need no sign on him to tell that After out that Josh was the man he was lookin for he says I 1 aint the greatest ball player that ever lived No UNo says Josh osh T puzzled I aint fast on my feet teet Josh Tosh just looked at him So did we weI weI I aint got blindin speed Josh Tosh was lookin yet amazement over his face I 1 aint got curves I aint a cagey boxman I aint got every everything everything thing I aint noted for my head hood work I aint got perfect control I aint got even a varied assortment o shoots an slants What In thunder have you got then says Josh Wot are you youa a pitcher The young feller nodded He was wasa a good lookin chap chal with bright lamps and a bright laugh an we liked his open break in the talk line Youre the first one I ever see that claim he was the best in the world says Josh Tosh uIn In that you are in ina ina ina a class by yourself Set down an tell tellus tellus tellus us who you be Mr Eliphalet Jones So the young fellow put his grip on the floor pulled off ot his hat an says My lly name is Jones Eliphalet J T JJones JJones Jones Tones in the room Ginger Jones on the ball field Outside o 0 that as I said I dont claim to be Im from the high timber the tall un uncut uncut uncut cut the boundless prairies the an the thick woods Im ready to go back to the crossroads if I dont play pIa good enough ball baU to suit I been pitchin for some teams in the Four Corners league an quit dis disgusted disgusted disgusted gusted Now low ow I want a job with you an just a show all I aint no rio world beater admitted right now an Im no strike out wonder My only strong hold is says him who called him himself himself himself self Ginger You know what that Is to make your wits work In Instead Instead Instead stead o your wing Oh says Josh But I thought you noted for tor your head work No no says Ginger I aint an head work aint the same as different as pitchin an ketchin He Head Hd d work is i Ut a list o the batters in the United Unit states i tes with the kind o 0 curves they dont ont like an then it In your back pocket an about it durin dunn games takes brains It is condensed I thought though tepI epitomized intelligence In oo Josh looked highly pleased If you can play ball half las s S good as you can talk Jot ay hey h Ill pay pg a no i good price to you vou But your YOUr reason in tellin m you yap claim to be Ta a all air that Was After a Job Bos to get a 8 job Its my only chance ch nee Ive worked through the state the very every very manager I 1 Imet met up with 1 1 j long line lIn o talk fh t just ju t told you I aint An tt Jl t l J Shucks Ive heard that story be before fore forea a couple o a thousand times this is an au you YO got ot to tosho show v me meSo So Td get turned down an r X rome Come Cometo rometo ome to the conclusion that If I told you guys what I you might give me mea a chance to show what I am We Wa told him he had played the thing about b ut right an n that heas he wasa a ruther smooth article Which he tie was wasAs Was WasAs w s sAs As a pitcher proposition he ring any an r alarms or make Reggie run for cover coyer After Id tried him out be behind hind the grandstand with the big mitt an nobody lookin on I says You got a nice graceful swing an ana ana ana a pretty good but I dunno what do when you ou get into a ball game Dont worry yourself you big mess 0 e fresh pork says fa s he Wen it comes to games Ill rUbe be there Remember what I said about So Josh put him in the next day against the an takes a long swing an sends up that wicked It ketches the first batter plump on the forehead an he drops They took him away on the door to the dressin room o 0 the grand grandstand grandstand grandstand stand Batter No 2 comes up Ginger throws a ball a foot outside the pan an I sig signal nal for an in Up she comes ketches Batter No 2 on the nut an he takes the hospital route too only this time on the door to the ticket office No 3 Gets His With two men on bases batter No 3 walks in and this time Ginger pitches two wide ones Then I signal for an anin anIn anIn in an this time he plants the batter just j st over the ear The ball bail shot up in inthe inthe inthe the air an I waited to ketch it before it come down sos sod It git lost Jost JostI I got called a wretch an hardhearted an a pirate for that precaution An they removed batter No 3 on the tho gate to the 15 cent seats sea ts Now the bags are full an Josh yells to Ginger to settle down He winds up again ketches Batter No 4 on the neck an he be goes out com corn complete complete the doctor sayin his juggler vein was hit a big vein in your neck Pinch says mine Is a stein or bottler vein because I dont like to drink out of a jug ju Any way the crowd tries to lynch the pitcher an he staves em off say In I signalled for They started for me an I had to take it on the run Then Ginger Jones gits up an says that the Alfalfas claim the game be because because because cause the aint got nine men in uniform on the field They lookaround look lookaround lookaround around and sure enough theres theros only eight So the umpire though he much like to give the game to us an the th fellers el came home rejoicing I got them bat to be hit an Ginger Jones was treated as a brainy guy because he thought of the game grime Four ball players pl y iss sent word wait for forme forme forme me with bats the th next time we come to Cloverdale i r Husbanding Resources s sNo No says Ginger We I pitch only eight or nirl i balls bails we got lots o 0 P time for fora a hand ot of two 0 o wot I ci call husbanding your resources r The t attacks attack at ck of Jones pulled off was the very next time he pitched 5 We were the team which was close with us for the lead lad l ad It was a hard struggle from the start tart They got to Reg Rog for or three runs in the eighth em up even an Ginger was shoved in to stop em cm in the ninth an give us a chance to bat it out Swish Ginger threw up the first ball like he was fraid of my hands an the batter put it on a line to tho the fence Smash The second man clouted one so hard the ball smoked as it sailed out to center an in comes a run I Take him out says I to Josh an Josh beckons to Ginger Ging r Ginger stays right where he is Back up says he to Josh Tosh were goin to win the game Then came a regular 0 o drives in homers triples doubles an anthen anthen then back to homers again Let him stay there an get says Josh savagely when their lead was so big it be overcome if we batted overtime When the score was 36 to 2 Joe Golding of the Maize bursts was so plugged out he come up Ul to the plate but just reeled round gasping for tor breath The End of Here stop the game yells Ginger an he appeals to the empire him the rule book The empire calls Golding to bat but Joe for want o wind just lay on the grass an panted his tongue hanging out o 0 his face lookin apo apoplectic apoplectic apoplectic The empire takes out his watch an stands over him for all the world like Tim Hurst Hurt countin co un tin out a prize fighter an when two minutes is up he swings his arm down an says Alfalfas game 9 to And that bunch was so out o 0 breath they kick an we got away with it Josh give Gin Ginger Ginger ger gar a new hat for his an the only people sore was Hennessy an Merritt an Rufe Gibson our fielders because they had run un so much their tongues was hangin out too an their feet had lumps on em But pride Iride goes before a fall an brute force is a tough customer for even a smart guy to monkey with Wen Ginger started in to repeat his game o 0 knockin out four or five men with the ball against the a week later he no tice tico that every had a bat batan batan batan an that the grandstand was ably full 0 o rocks an railroad spikes He hit the first man an him an the empire was a storm cen ter the heart o a beatin cy cyclone cyclone cyclone clone o bats an things A Louisville slugger him on the Jaw a wilier stick bunged his knee pan an a pile driver fetched up in his What hit the empire no body never counted He was used to it But of Ginger Josh wrote He simply a sickly smile an slipped sUpped down on the sward An we took him to the bughouse on a six foot lenth o board |