Show I MR THE YEAR YF A R By F P Dunn Dunn l 1 fi I 1 Well sir said Mr Dooley in n a n afew t few more days th new year will wUl bo be b o here an well all date our letters nine nineteen nineteen teen te n hundred an six alx Its beena been a a year said Mr Hennessy Its a year that will stand out in th iv I th like eighteen hundred an two said Mr Dooley Ive been about It an Im proud I lived through It an glad Its been a year to this Mine an have poured out their Iv steel copper copper stock bedsprings hair bair JIe lie chewin gum glass eyes patent corkscrews safety razors union un an an all th iii other products pro that make us a free happy united an people No wan has been out Iv employment I who wanted to wurruk an many mam who Weve been such a load Iv Jv wealth that if we 0 cant dump some it I dont ont know happen to us We Va arre so rich that If it we were anny richer wed be broke Th banks erre arre bursting with goold or without it ft as the case may be I I turn I 1 see men that a year ago were compelled to live in th humblest Jn surroundings en cn aday a aday aday day now now livin In th same surround surroundings surroundIngs surroundings ings although they get a aday tt day Such Is th force Iv habit Take Taken n me o own case Th best Index as as Ho Hogan Hogan Hogan gan says Iv th Ui condition Iv lv th coun coun Is 15 th liquor business Well sir Ive been be th Ut wave iv lv pros prosperity has boomed Th rent Is up 60 50 per tint cint th wholesale price Iv Mrs Mra Nations Syrup has raised 25 per cint an th tit size Iv me prosperous rous U has in creased as It looks to me a view about per mint cint I cant raise th thO price Iv a sample iv this Fountain Iv lv Youth above 15 cents or two fr r a That price has been settled f fr t r cinch ries As Shaw say Its part pert Iv th faith Iv our people Its a case caie iv where In with economy If It I cud Id to make th lh figures on th thO bill Iv fare keep step with th rent an th thO price pre e a Iv beefsteak But if It I did Id rd be out Iv th tho ward be an Indignant t But thank I th lh Lord I always to look on th bright side Iv things In th tho mist iv tv all this prosperity that makes life twice as to mo me as it was while It was wasa a luxury and it becomes a necessity necessity necessity sity I ray joice as Hogan says sas that Im a citizen Iv no mean city adjoining a large lake with a small water tax Have another r Bar Barrin Barlin Barrio rio rin typhoid fever there a head headache headache ache aco in a L barI barl Iv it Yes sir nineteen an six has been a grand gr nd year About Ab ut this time th prints an nn account Iv h what has happened since last Here It Is In this Let me see Nineteen an six will m go down down Into ye bet It will iu remarkable fure ture has a n been blessed lessed with such buch bursting universal welfare car shortage lack Iv money ostentation ost In th rich Insurance scan scandals dals Increase Iv let me see let me see Oh here It is Pr Pro Progress Pr gress press Iv th in nineteen en hun d erd an six Science Febry third Iv Berlin BerUn th thO discovery dl covery Iv tv a new clement element that en ables him to converse with th spirit relieves th human body iv weight cures cough an makes hair grow on th baldest bald st head He calls th new n w metal It is worth ninety dollars an a n ounce Febry th ti l famous scientist an iv has been committed to a rest cure In th south Iv Germany July Tuly first Camel FlImflam marion marlon announces that he has distinct ly seen s en people peole In th thO canals Iv Mars July Tuly second While Camel th thO Iv fv life on th planet IHan t Mars was in th thO Change All Alsy his lit tle tie dog broke away him an nn th astronomer fell feU down a co lJ hole an broke broko his leg August if Erastus Noses Moses iv South Framingham patents a anew new method m thod iv 1 curled hair Exploration April first Lemoni th the Artie Artic explorer starts on his to discover th north pole July Tuly first Lemoni th thI in ii Artie Artic explorer has put Into hito Norway an that owin to th iv th tho Artie Artic sea with Swede fishermen it was Im irn Impossible possible fr f r him to go on in his dash d sh I fr tr tW th lh pole pol Canal tenth visits th canal it is not at home March shen teen Great Indignation at on account Iv s on th canal based on tion gained jn fifteen tift poul to Big again visits th tho canal Stays an hour Canal hands his hat July tenth announces ann JUnces his to too coil call on th canal an an chow th wIckedness iv careless nv s x 3 gatlon t first goes to Spends th thO noon In th pitcher th Is seen seen seeD haven havin his taken alongside al a steam shovel Th mark x enables enable th tho reader to distin distinguish distinguish distinguish th Decimber twenty Th makes a most rt on his to De i umber timber ray that feet iv canal have Been eon een dug Diplomacy th year has been a notable wan In diplomacy In the tho th note late to wail wari iv his most distinguished I Dearest Marian Marlar Well well its like a breath iv fresh air to hear Srm yo ye again Yare Yere Y such a aa dear Ill Tl necktie n ye knit fr me mo came this mornin an Im it as asI I write writer I r 1 ath am sindin ye e a Iv It fill fiU me heart with happiness It ItI ItI itI I thought ye e were it it Now Mariar Marlar will ye do something fr tr me Its ony a little thing but I l want it done very much I wisht In tn at th Vatican some day dayan an tri tell th tho Pope that be a n fine thing f f fr r th the thi cause i Q iA t r r r If It wo we cud show that hat an an irishman lose be bo bein a an Tell TeU him to give our pur frind wan Iv thim red hats that arro arre so door do r I tJ P S Write soon Hows dear dearold d dearold ar old Bell ell 7 Th acted d at on her Iv tv green crape de shine an nn a lay lav lavend end ender rP parasol ius l she proceeded to th fh Vat Val Vatican lean ican It Is regrettable that th simple priests there ther understand her I They showed her th duro dure closed th dure kicked l it an said some ome prayers 1 To th an Minister iv th Unit United United United ed States iv America to th thO Kingdom Iv Hiven HIen Marlar they give what is known In Rome as th merry delval del val Th Incident was closed with th thO usual diplomatic Th rh wrote a letter to th Say you an nn the ray turned tume to America with her husband huband an sint all aU her private letters valen val en tines keepsakes an to Th Inquirer f fr r publication Do you want me to ye anny more about th progress iv th in this magnificent year ye ar Its all here down aown to th failures an deaths dl th But I 1 wont Ot on Wan Van year sear Is a good deal Ueal like another I suppose suppose nineteen an six done its best Con the a got to wurruk with ye cant nt blame it too much Sometimes Im Inn sorry fr ft th years We Ve welcome thim an weve used thim we kick thim hIm out just th same as if they were people pe Put But they havo fun with us too We bustle thim out late at night but we wego wego wego go back to welcome in th thO New Year weve got cot to wash our Nineteen an six was a good frind an n iv mine But he was rough He was vas rough He cud dent take a n joke Im all nil marked up him hm now tiow An Anan all th years that Iv lv known have hae left their signs on me That me eyo eye was w s made be eighteen an nn Eighteen an f three an four sandpapered me flair off oft me injured l me almost put out me ine eyes I got this stoop sloop In me shou hers Nineteen 1 wean wan iv tv t me best rinds knocked most Iv me teeth out iv me I bear thim no Maybe goin off somewhere an an n tellin tell in what they done to me I can see sec nineteen an six snickers behind his hand he ho hurries away to qualify fr th iv Years Hes got a n aright aright right to I dont care They think defaced me Maybe Maybo I T Jo do looK loo like a fence in a school yard They can laugh an say Look at that thac bald head Dooley Look at thim thirn weak legs Martin Dooley what weve wee I done to him Hes a tough old ld fellow fellers ello an weve woe been in a hurry hut but were s In an apprentice shave him down to a wishbone t d dye ye know Ive got gota a p they reached me mc Fools says Iv I Ive deceived ye yo Yeve been at a decoy f fr r th thO best part iv a That fir ure says I was not Martin Mar Un Dooley but a scarecrow that 1 I Dut put on th breastworks to tt y fire while I says I r set sec s t down here safe in tn n sound in th thO trench an nn smoke me good seegar an laugh ivry time ye C blow blO a 1 i limb off of me says I Peer never niver touched me trays says I Tin rm younger thin I iver was wa says I Th oldest Ive Iver l er been was vas years ago 1 I had all th thO weight iv the on me shoulders should rs Ive Ivo been younger iver since In thim days das I cud do th thO longest hop skip an ana ana a Jump iv anny man In th ward Today lh th ony way I cud do a hop skip an a jump be to do it off of tU th t ton toa to Iv a But Dut I can do other things 1 I I l canK Fr sake ake Hin close that pure lure Theres a tur Why yell be th death Iv me m with yere care mess s What was as I sayin sain Ah about th New Year I welcome it mind ye yo but buti Its like anny new customer I wont give It much credit Th Tn pitcher papers paper have pitchers iv th New Year as an in child but dont ye 7 be e lieve it it Th New Year is a n grownup son iv v th old year an has been thurly coached Cure comin in Ye cant fool foot him Hes H s a dark with a slouched slouch d hat pulled over ever his eyes es an something that looks like a knife up his sleeve Im Um goin to be as to him as I can He may be a nice fellow But Ive had lot a iv 1 WI Ui th years an nn Ive seen what dono to tn some Iw Iv m rinds This fellow may be all right but ho he may have designs on th cash or me life an I think Ill watch him It wont do anny good said Mr Hennessy Hell do as he likes anny how cried crI d Mr Ir Dooley Thin all bets arre ar re off an Ill do as I like Copyright Copyright by H H McClure Co |