Show SPOKEN IN I JEST News New Wilson Ozark Mountain Tug ug lson tells a good story about abut an colonel of the Quality Folks sort whom he once met In western Kansas The colonel was an enthusiast on the Irrigation Irrl atou scheme that was wa sweeping over oyer Kansas at that time He Ife was vms so positive in his theories and so hIgh tempered that few f w people cared to disagree with wih him One day date as he was standing In front of of the office talking with several friends frends Pink Barclay that lives Ue over oer on Snake creek creek came along and after shaking hands hads around arund turned turne to the colo cola colonel colonel nel ned and nd said sid Colonel Ive Ive got forty fary acres of ot land lying lose elate to Snake creek acre that I want to Irrigate and I 1 would like lk to ask your advice about It I Very Ve well wel anti sah responded the te colonel colonell clonel my advice is dam the creek crek I 1 did do that said Pink cam and cut a ditch down across the theland theland theland land but I 1 get rise rZ Then I 1 would dam da the ditch salt Bah re replied plied piled pIed the colonel Just what I Idid Idid Idid did do said id Pink but the tile hogs hog rooted holes boles in the banit what would you YOl do about abut that What hat would I do co snorted Ino e the colonel I would damn the ho hers rs sah sab I 1 would damn the hors hos ho New York Tribune A well wel known and andreD respected reD ted fireworks rework manufacturer died re recently r centy in the north of England His wit wife wie e ordered an expensive tombstone to be erected In iu hs his memory She was w much perturbed for no epitaph submitted to her iier er did she consider suitable After a prolonged and diligent search she he dis discovered discovered covered one she thought to be appropriate pilate prate on the tombstone of a prominent prominent musician in a Manchester cemetery Now on tho the memorial stone tone of ot this noted fire fireworks firework fireworks works work manufacturer It Is stated that He JIG has hs h s gone to the one oie place where his hl works are excelled John B Cough whose hose early erly training as asan as asan an actor had bad given Riven Iv n him a good equip eqI equipment ment meat for his later work ork as s a temperance orator and who because of ot his effective e emann manner mann r seldom met with wit opposition from those tose who listened to hint him hm in publiC pubU was lecturing In a nearby town and after painting 7 the t tavern t v as a piece of r contamination contamInation n even een for tor the fhe abstainer asked i Dont Pont you all al ll agree with me friends frieds that there Is no place alace a a man should go g and of he ha he should shoud tell teU his mother and sisters he might take them too there i uG Should l there h ih be c any such h place Oh ye yes s came from Crom a arear fi a arear rear seat sat S Tho The audience was roused rouse from its is spell of oC admiration for the orator and turned ture to look at the owner of the voice voIce Gough smiled as though he thought te no discus discussion discs sion possible and blandly asked Where friend friend would you ou go so telling mother and sisters sister but refusing to take them with you 1 The barbers was the reply repty There Is a practical joker in h Chicago Chi Cht ag who deserves to be classed cla et with th the Doctor In Mark Twains Twaina Inno no iene re Abroad The Doctors Doctors conversation on eaton with tho the guide in relation to the mummy Is la hardly more amusing than this ti mans maIs conversation with wit a a guide gide In reaton relation to Niagara Falls FaUs He Be recently made his first firt trip to the falls taIl and ad a guide that he hired was trying to Impress him hint with their magnitude Grand suggested the guide golds gide Great the stolidly Magnificent a persisted the th guide Sie dis disappointed dl disappointed appointed at the lack of enthusiasm Finer than tho the Bear Ber Trap dam d m in the Drainage tan canal ca admitted the 6 goan an anThe The cuide looked to 10 see if I he was wa jok joking lug ing f but there ter was never a smile smie The Chicagoan oan seemed to be Interested but not at all aU impressed Millions of o gallops a minute ex cx explained e the guide Ide How many man In a day dY asked the Chi hi c cOh COh canaan cloan Oh billions and billions said he heIde Ide The he Chicagoan looked across and down and up as If the flow w and then turned f away 1 disinterestedly dl Runs all al night too 00 I suppose he be re remarked remarked marked nonchalantly The guide cuide was dazed and ad he had bad not Dot recovered when the oan left |