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Show A REEEL HEIRESS How a Liltlo Poultry Can Ho Uronglit to Make a Porlnno. I Lover it lit h:til U hitllnl l lie Tlitui; ikturii n u cry I'lue I'oitil ou u lilz Hutwc, A young man of bu;inCJlike habits and a calculating turu of mind, worthy descend ml of a father of eitni-lar eitni-lar character, recently received a visit from tne author of his being. While they were sitting together in the evening the old man said : "Theophilus, my son, lemme see, you're getting on to 27 next grass; lime you was thinking of marrying and settling down. " "Weil, lather," ri-plicd the young man, "1 hnve given the subject considerable con-siderable thought, and, alter mature deliberation, have cuneluded to allow my heart U beat alon : for one of two estimable young femalt-s of my acquaintance." ac-quaintance." "Aud wiio be they ?" s lid the old gentleman. "One is the daughter of an ex-revenue ex-revenue official. She is not a girl of inexperience, b.it a woman of solid sense and inn Hired t-isto and judgment. judg-ment. I shou:d say she was between 38 aud -10 summers, and she wears worsted stockings and gla-ycs. She is nut beauLilul in the. cant ol the pocLs, but her eye oho has only one UtaillH Willi lilt iuicmgi-iii utomj of the soul, and on her sloping brow is stamped " "I know, I know," said tho old man, impatiently; "but has she the stamps ?" "The author of her being," replied his son, "was indicted for aiding to defraud the government oi the tax on 375,000 gallons." "Then," cried the father, "she's the girl lor ou to lie to. You hear me?" "But," continued the eon, "there is another, a trembling lawn ol seventeen, seven-teen, beautiful as '.he aurora and ftiir as the magnolia blossom of her native south, her limpid eyes " "Shoot her limpid eyes !" said the old man; "how is she fixed ?" "Her paternal estate," said the son, "was small, and was completely devastated de-vastated in 1B03 by the union soldiery." sol-diery." "Then you have no business with her," said the practical old man. "Pardon me, sir," said the son, respectfully. re-spectfully. "The BOldiers stole her mother's only hen, took all the fence rails for fuel, carried away a mare mule, and inflicted other outrages too numerous to mention upon her father's property. In fact he lost everything." "Wall, that is only proving my ca3e." ".Nay, sir, stay one moment. Suppose Sup-pose Tilden aud Heudricks should be elecleu men sue couiu come ou tue country with her claim." "But she would not get much for a hen, a mule and a rail fence." "Ah I" sid the young man, ''but I have gone into tho calculation. Supposo that ben had laid thirty egns, as at least she would, and hatched ten chickens, half of which would have been roosters, tho case stands for 1SG3: one ben, still in stock; five spring chickens sold; five pullets kept; and twenty eggs sold. Look, -I beg you, at this tablo I have produced: Year. Fona- CbiAni. Ursa sold l&'li i 5 2) $a s-; "j no mi 2!ti ISO 72' ma i,1 so i.w 15-j7 7,77(J G-iS) 18S -nl.tjiC RS.Ny) 156.V.M mn au.jsj ina,i:o li7J l.bT'J.ii'tS l.Hi'i'.ySJ dr)SS.7J0 LS71 10,'.-77.lj0j B.otiS.OSJ 53,50,3-20 "I have thus shown yoR how valu able such a claim would be properly carried out. If I wero to work it down to March 4, 1876, the figures would go all over the paper and stick out half way across the table to boot," "Why, my son," said the old man, i "Hint claim for that hen alone would ! bust the United Slates. There isn't ! money enough in the country to pay for it." I "Then they will have to iucreaso ; the volume of the currency so as to !make it equal to the necess'ties of ; trade that is all," rejoiocd the young man, imperturbally. "Besides, "Be-sides, I expect that legally I would be entitled to charge compound interest in-terest on the several items. Then, similarly, as to that mule. She would have had one colt in lSll3 that's 'two more in 1SG1 that's four, or six I in nil; and these four would have had four more iu 1SG2 that's eight, or ten in all, and so on like the nails in the problem about the horso's shoes." "But, Thcopilus," said the old man, "marc mules can't have no colt?, and if they did, half of 'cm would be males anyhow," "That makes no difference," tho son went on. "Congress won't stop to consider that; besides, there is one reported case of a hybrid breeding. So, besides, as to that fence. Suppose it was a yard fifty yards square, then 50x4 500; call it a mile lor round figures, and add on tiio money it would have cost to repair it, and whitowash it, and compound the interest I tell yyu, old uiau, there's millions in it." "How many?" "Well," Baid the sod, "I may have made a mistake of a few million dollars dol-lars here and there, but that don't amount to much. I should say my claini'l! amount to about $239,390,-S54,20S,-174,791,(w4.1i,.i. Kuockiug off the odd cents and what it'll cost to get the claim through, I shall at least be assured of a modest competence. Even though my winsome Evaline had nothing but her beauty ucd this claim for her dowry, I would gladly take her to my arms." "Well, I suppose, then, you've proposed to her." "iS'o, not yet. I've got her and the ex-revenue official's daughter on a string, aud I'll wait till after tho Oclobor elections then I shall be free to follow the dictates of my affection." "Bless you, my son, said the fond parent, as happy tears bedewed his countenance and blinded his spectacles. specta-cles. Chicago Tribune. |
