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Show I D0NN PIATT On the Polish Count in Disguise. We advised our friend Jerome B. StilUon not to visit Utah. We said this because Jerome is loo handsome for those latitudes. Jercme is the handsomest man, when he geta himself him-self up in that seals-skin, we ever saw. When Jerome puts on that a. s. and walks out, maidens aigh for him, widows cry for him, lovers dio for him. The Apollo, were he about, would incontinently hide his dimia-uhed dimia-uhed head in the presence of Jerome in a seal-skin overcoat. It ia our be lief that Mr. Apollo Belvidero would put up the front shutters and retire from business. As for Montague, he is nothing but a blonde Bhuving by the side of Stillaon in a seal skin jacket. Now, the idea of aandiuf such a man to Utah was simply monstrous. We said so. Wo told Jerome, in addition ad-dition to what we said to him above, that he would be a Mormon or a corpse in thirty days after he hit Salt Lake city. Look at the Mountain Meadowa massacre, with not a hand some man in it. The madnoaa, the utter folly of sending such a model of manly beauty to a place where the best looking women can have only the ninth part of a man and Jerome unincumbered! are evident to the most obtuse. Of course emotional in sanity would follow. We further advised Jerome to go well armed with Newman's sermons, agricultural reports and other deadly articles; to wear stays the clerkesa shot at in the treasury had her life saved by the bullet of the would-be assassin being flattened on the steel thingamy of her corsets or stays. Then we begged Jerome to wear tho bible hia mother gave him next his heart. That iaaure to stop a bullet. Our bosom friend, our admiration, did as wo advised, and the good sense of that advice saved his life. Old Brigham Young ahot at hir, and the bullet of the polygamous old Bcaiawag hit Newman's sermons and rattled off like a pea from an old griddle. Orson l ran, me learnou oiu coot, wnu reaus Hebrew in tbe original, to the confusion confu-sion of Newman, went in with a kn'fe. The stays and the family Bible saved our beat beloved. We cannot help believing that there was a dark and deep design among the homely slaves of the New York Herald staff to get up a Mountain Mtadow massacre over Jerome. They sent bim to the front as Xing David did Uriah Heap Paioter. Washington Washing-ton Capital. |
