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Show EBULLITIONS. A pain investment Filly cents for a tooth-pulling. The only people who really enjoy bad health are tho doctors. Work disqualifies a man for membership mem-bership in the wcrkirjgmen'e party. Tho broken not-ed hotel pitcher keeps abreast of modern civilization Why ia adiehonest bankrupt like an houest poor man ? Because they both fail lo get rich. Any man pays too much for bia whistle when he bus to wet it fifteen or twenty times a day; A boa oonstriotor at Ihe Philadelphia Philadel-phia Zoological gardens swallowed an army blanket under the impression that he was getting a new Bind of raspberry shortcake. A man ;b not really consistently fitted lor maried life until he can satisfactorily explain to a woman why it is that, when off on business, he can never got to the station to return re-turn until the train has gone. When a man haa a hole in the toe of one of his socks, and is pulling on a tight boot, and the sock works up around his inislep, then it is time to ask him bis private opinion of Pantheism Pan-theism as an orthodox doctrine, A New York man, "joshing" an Irishman, asked him why there was no record or trace of any of his race being lound in Noah's ark. He re plied that all bis countrymen at tbat time were very rich aud bad boala of their own. Making the beat of it is a good rule for everybody. "WhatiBlbemalter?" asked a lawyer of hia coachman. "The horses are running away, eir." "Can you not pull them up?" "I am afraid not." "Then," said the lawyer, after judicial delay, "run into eomething cheap." A Michigan gentleman whose education edu-cation was considered, fair, wrote to a bookseller as follows: "Dere eur; ii yew hev gat a book called Danel Webster on a brige pleas Bnd me a copy by Pyser'a Express o. o. d. I want to get ittermorrer if i kin, cms my spellin techer says i ougbter bev it." "Pl.ize, cap'n, how far aro Y?e from the land ?" asked a eeaaick emigrant emi-grant of the ciptaiu of an ocean steamer. "Well, Mike, we are 'bout a couple hundred miles ofl' Cape Henry, I reeiton," was the reply. "And now, cup'n," said Mike, "how far, plaze, is Cape Henry from the land V Boston Post. In the course of a street brawl, the uUur day, one of the disputants was heard to reiterate, with considerable prof.tniiy, that he might be whipped, but be wouldn't be subjugated, Ii efeeniB that he miscalculated a Utile on this point, us he was seen the next day going to a picnic along with hid wi e and actually carrying the baby. A berd-boy, on receiving his wages from his master, purchased a lantern. The master quizzed him rather sorely ou the point, and asted him what be intended doing with his lantern. "I'm gnun Uf) tak' it wi' me tae coort," was the reply. "I never used tas tak' a lantern wi' me tae coort," answered tho master. "I thocht sae," muttered mut-tered the boy; "yer choice shows that." |