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Show MY FOOLISH I'ltlOK. 11Y DONNA. "Luc'icd Carr has tho yellow fever, Nell." That ivas what Little May said, as she rati into my room, fresh from the village school, where she generally heard of all the local intelligence. I had just been wishing, oh I so intensely, in-tensely, that some calamity would befall be-fall that man, in tho belief that I bated him; but now, when the this evil wish of miue was more than fulfilled, I was miserable. I longed to have him suffer in some way, for all tho unhap-piness unhap-piness that he had caused me, but I didu't want him to die. I was so free, so happy, and so independent in-dependent of all tho world, until lie came and taught mo to be happy only in his presence, and to spend all intervening in-tervening time in thoughts of him. Before 1 learned this first love lesson, my life had flowed on through uneventful une-ventful years, like purline brooks of my native west, through placid fields and grassy meadows, and was yet to seek the broad unknown ocean of woman's wo-man's destiny, over the burning sands and cruel rocks of accident or late. My mornings were usually spent in perlbrming those duties which a true home always requires, and the afternoons, after-noons, to any pleasure for which I had an inclination. Among my many acquaintances, ac-quaintances, not cne could give me a thrill of joy or a pang of sorrow by word or look, and I had come to think myself impervious. Lucien Carr came to make me otherwise. His intellect exacted homage from mine ; his refinement refine-ment of feeling won my approval ; his polished manner, my admiration ; and then there came a time when I was myself no more. No, I was Lucien Carr. In every triumph of his I gloried, glo-ried, and my heart beat the jubilee ; while his slightest faux pas made me blush for very -shame, though I loved him none the less. "When pride thaws, look forfloods." I loved that man until I was humiliated in my own eyes. To think that I, who had never required anyone to add one iota to my happiness, was now an abject ab-ject slave. At one time, in my self-contempt, self-contempt, I resolved to act any part rather than allow Lucien Carr to know that 1 loved him, and to refuse him positively should be ever ask me to be h s wife. I did nothing of the kind. On the contrary, when he told me in few and simple words that I was necessary neces-sary to his happiness, and asked me to be his companion and counselor in the years to eome, I answered in the same frank spirit, and told him thatl would. The hours that followed "were a delicious deli-cious dream, and it seemed as though we could have sat thus forever, planning plan-ning a future in which we only asked for each other. Two days after, without the magio of his presence and his voice to lull my pride to sleep, I aroused, as it were, from the influence of a spell, and cried with mortification to think that I, Nellie Stuart, had acknowledged to a man that I loved him; had allowed him to see that life was not just as sweet to me without him. I sprang from the lounge, where I had been indulging in the womanly luxury, tears, and was strong in the determination to undo what I considered a cowardly surrender; but still had no precise idea of what would be proper on such occasions. Lucien came that very evening just at twilight to see the woman whom he considered his affianced wife. I stood with the full light of an astral lamp beaming on my white dress and crimson crim-son ribbons. If I ever looked well it was on that memorable evening, and Lucien thought so too. I extended my hand with the light laugh of acquaintanceship. acquain-tanceship. Who doesn't know the hollow ring full well? He looked surprised, but met me with the same pleasant, friendly look. In half an hour I almost forgot the role of friend, that I was playing; but some slight remark of his, that showed how plainly he regarded me as his promised wife, recalled me to myself; not to myself, my-self, but to my pride, and then, by a series of nameless acts and expressions, I made him wonder if I had ever softened enough to listen to his words of love. , Our conversation was interesting to both, but oh, so hollow. I could see the stern effort he made to betray no astonishment at my inexplicable change of manner. His pride was just as great as mine, and it was truly "diamond cut diamond." He was so inimitably cool that I began to feel annoyed. That long, Jong evening came to a close, and with a tender cadence it) his 7piee, Lucien said: "Nellie, if you ever neeu, ?r W'$h for me, you have only to send." I turned away, feeling confident that I never should wish for him, and in thinking I had done justice to myself, forgot that I was only a woman. A week passed, and my heart grew sick with "hope deferred." Against the plainest reasoning, I hoped he would come to me once again. Sometimes Some-times I was so weak, and longed to see him so strongly, that I was on the eve of sending him just a line asking him to come; and at all events was ready to receive him as he would fondly expect, ex-pect, should he come of his own ao-cord. ao-cord. After a time, I became accustomed to living with no sign or token of his existence; but life was not the same. In contemplating the blank future spread out before me, I felt bitter, and accused Lucien Carr of wronging me, of blighting my life, and believed it was his duty to make some advance to me, for I had never really recalled the words I had spoken, when he asked me to be his wife. . I wa.s revengeful and wicked, when my little sister told me that piece of news, trivial to every od8 but myself. The epidemio was holding sway in our little village, but our family had all passed through ' the fire, except the baby, and he was in little danger, as our home was nearly two miles from town. Although, the "Howaid Asso ciation" provided yellow fever nurses fur tho infected places, I was anxious about Lucien. Uu wiih "a stranger in a strange lurid," and I, tho' only person per-son on whom ho had any claim, could not go near hiin. All night I wept and prayed, prayed that God would spare my one, my only love. Next day wo heard nothing from town until lato in tho evening, and then tho information was given in the usual nonchalant way. "Seven cases aro extremely dangerous, danger-ous, Lucien Carr among thuiu, 1 be-lievo be-lievo that fellow that- used to come out so often to see Nell last winter," said brother Tom. Tho man tlutt has been Nell's whole thought l'or six months, I could have added; but a pain at my heart, and heavy tear-drops on my lushes, sent mo from the room. I took my brown linen sun-bonnet from the hayrack and rushed into tho open air. With scarce tho consciousness that I was moving, on I walked and walked, until the village vil-lage was distant only a hundred yards. 1 asked myself the question, "Shall I go to him'.''" Every heart throb, every bono of happiness answered, "Yes." 1 hurried to tho President of the Board of Health, who was fortunately a friend, and offered myself as a nurse, desiring to be assigned where I was most needed. He sent me to Lucien Carr. Tor days my patient only knew a gentle nurse was waiting on him, and at intervals of semi-consciousness would thank me for some little attention. lie was sleeping quietly one morning morn-ing whilo I wrote to my brother, giving tho number of new cases, etc. I felt some one looking at me, and raised my eyes 'to meet his, resting on me with a look of unutterable woe. "Nellie, are you nursing me ?" "Yes, Lucien." "Do you love me?" Ono last struggle with pride. "1 have had the yellow fever, and offered myself to the Board as a nurse." "That is nothing to me. My question ques-tion was something far different, Do you love me?" The blood rushed to brow and cheeks, but with a mighty effort I faltered fal-tered : "lres." "Come here." I went, and he kissed me gently. We said no more, for just then Mrs. Marion, the other nurse, came in, and I went out for a walk. Next day my patient was so much better that 1 went home ; but not until he had told me that I was his Nellie, and that so soon as the winter's cold should drive away the Ecourge from our sunny land, he would claim his bride. Almost every day a little note came for me, each one a billet-doux, and after some icy days in November, he came out to "Oakley," "Oak-ley," and we were made one. Since that happy day 1 have never feared to show my husband that I love him more than all the world beside. |