OCR Text |
Show roji tiii: j.adiks. Why are oav iroiidadrilike uuuiuiTind ladies? Uccause tliey are open to engagements. en-gagements. In Toledo, Ohio, recently, a feminine femin-ine orator took fifteen dollars at the door, and the fever-and-ague in the hall. ...... Why is a baby like a sheaf of wheat? J.ceause it is first cradled, then thrashed, and finally becomes the flower of the family. Courting is the poetry of lifa, and marriage is the prose, and the practical practi-cal part is not to let the. poetry spoil one's appetite for tho prose. , Bahloncga, Georgia, Iuls an infant prodicy, two years tnd eight months old, who can name over all the Presidents, Presi-dents, Vice Presidents, (J-oveinor's, etc. , -An unsuccessful lovor was asked by what means he lost his divinity. "Alas!" he cried, "1 flattered her until un-til she got too proud to speak to me." A Pittsburg man shut his wife up in an insane asylum and wont to Chicago Chi-cago with anolior woman. They talk of turning him out of the church if lie does it again. . . A young lady, at an examination in grammar,' was asked why the Dqun "bachelor" was singular? She replied immediately, with much naivette, "Because "Be-cause it is very singular they don't get married." A Fort Wayne lawyer, who said the witness, Irs. Jones, bore an unenviable unenvia-ble reputation; was asking around town what would take swelling out of a man's e3'e. She lit there near his eye with a stove-leg. Some time ago, a woman was tried and proven guilty -of murder in the backwoods counties of Mississippi. Her counsel eould find no redeeming clause to save, and at lait appealed to the chivalry of the jury, who gave their verdict as "Not guilty because she is a v:oman " A man and his wife riding near a railroad track at Columbus, (Ind. ), got into an nrirnment ns to whether thev could cross the track before the train came along. She said they could; but he said, "Martini, it is impos.-iblj." He was correct; the whole town turned out to their funeral. A lady in Memphis, not exactly po-ted mi the word "disfranchi-ed, ' w;n told that Mr. Smith was disfranchised, disfran-chised, and she wanted to know how long he had "been so." On being in-fprnied in-fprnied that he had ben so about four years, she nid she didn't .eo how that could bo, for Mrs. Smith had a- child only two years old. Fanny Fern .-ays: "A wuiuan, by taking a big W i-ket in h'T haul and leaving ln r lumps at h'ime, and pinning pin-ning an o!d -h nvl over her head, and tying a calico apron round her wai.-t, may go iiiiiin.lr-te'1 at any hour in the cveiiiri:. I kii"W it, U.cau.-e I have tried it wh' ii 1 felt like having a ''r"w'' all ahuie an l a l'o'iJ 'think,' without cv. rv puppy saving at every ,-tcp, 'a plea- uit cvi'iiiiiy, mi-.-.' '' |