Show HUMOROUS HITS Mistress Bridget everything In the house is covered with dust I cant stand it BridgetDo as I do mum dont pay any attention to It TitBits Wouldbe Cyclist thought you said that after twelve lessons of an hour each I should know how to ride Cycling Cy-cling InstructorSo you would sir if i you hadnt spent the best part of the time on the ground TitBits Novel Reading by Proxy Baroness to lady companion The beginning of this novel is horribly dull Have the good ness Fraulein Brockhardt to read the first two or three chapters for me I will then go on with thefourth Feiera bend 1 Wrong as to SexHeberPapa we call a war between people of the same nation an internecine war dont we Father Yes my boy Heber Wouldnt it be better to call it an Internephew warT The nieces never have anything to do with warHarpers Round Table Two BetterMr Isaacs enthusiastically enthusiastic-ally I vould go trough fire for mein I vife undt family Mr Cohens dejected IlYAch i dot vas noddlnga I haf gone trough dree fires for mein vife undt 1 I family undt even den I gant get enough I i moneys to satisfy deir ogztravagances I I Puck i I The Kind WantedDruggist glibly Soap Why yes This is the famous I Zoo zoo soap for facial faults and i this Is Korkers Komplexion Kream I soap heres Tollivers Tar makes I shampooing a luxury Queen of Castile Cas-tile for bath or toilette and Mrs Casey interrupting Hev yez en ny that will tek offthe dirt Puck What CrossExamination Can Do Magistrate Your name Bashful Maiden Maid-en Anna Lang Religion Protestant Protes-tant Age No answer When were your parents married In 1SG3 I When was the first christening 1864 How many brothers and sisters have I you Five Are you the eldest Then you are 31 years of age Yes Sotto voceI have given my age away 1 am surprised Dorfbarbler I Senator GormanI understand that lecture of Senator Hills which the people I peo-ple wouldnt go to hear he Is going to j work off on the senate in a speech one of these days I Senator lirice Great Scott Has the man no idea of what senatorial courtesy meansLife I Maude Young Huggins engagement I was a very short one Mabells it broken already It was broken the very night he proposed pro-posed You dont say Yes you see Hug l11J stutters frightfully fright-fully and it took him nearly twenty minutes to propose and after he got through the girl spoiled everything by exclaiming This is so sudden Huggins thought she was guying him Yonkers Statesman One Point in His FavorCO know a million mil-lion reasons why Id hate to be you and only one why Id like to be you exclaimed ex-claimed Mrs Rangle What is that one reason madam fiercely demanded Mr Rangle Because youve got a good wife Chicago Tribune Skldmooe You can distinguish good money from bad by its conversational Qualities SnooperWhat do you mean SkidmoreGenuIne money talks but counterfeit notes have to be uttered Detroit Free Press One ob de scouragln tings bout flis shere earf said Uncle Eben am dat when er man wishes yer Happy New Year tain no surance tall dat he ain cwlne ter tun roun and cheat yer in a mule tradeWashington Star w i iiff4lF Robert Louis Stevensons history ot his own family will appear in the forthcoming forth-coming edition of his works now being prepared in Edinburgh It ends with the great achievement of his grandfathers life in the building of the Bell Rock lighthouse At a meeting of the British Medical Association As-sociation the discussion on neurasthenia and its treatment was introduced by Dr Savage in the following words What Is neurasthenia There was ojice a professor pro-fessor who being asked what he knew upon a certain subject replied Nothing I have not even lectured on It London Lon-don Lancet The Maori full off hath cursed it With its bitterest dying breath And the Arab has hissed his hatred As he spits at itsfolds in death The hapless fellah has feared it On TelelKebirs parched plain And the Zulus blood has stained it With a deep indelible stain It has looked upon ruthless slaughter And massacres dire and grim It has heard the shrieks of the victims Drown even the jingo hymn Where is the flag of England Seek the land where the natives rot Where decay and assured extinction Must soon be the peoples lot Go search for the once glad islands Where diseases and death are rife And the greed of a callous commerce Now battens on human life Where is the flag of England Go sail where rich galleons come With shoddy and loaded cottons And beer and Bibles and rum Go too where brute force has triumphed And hypocrisy makes its lair And your question will find Its answer For the flag of England is there London Truth |