Show = 4 I BAKERS DOZEN BY WILLIAM WALTER COOK i had long been a pet theory of mine I that If a traveler could get out of that mysterious country from whose bourne he Is supposed never to return and could come back In the flesh and circu crcu late among his friends AS in life he yould experience a great many surprises sur-prises more or less appertaining to him and to his affairs I little thought It would ever come within my experience to test this noel theory but so It happened and the at tendant results were simply appalling Being blessed with an extremely large fortune I was able to ride a number of very expensive hobbles among them that of mountain climb clmb ing I was passionately fond of this dangerous sport and would endure hardships innumerable in order that I might indulge In It Beginning with Mont Blanc I had worked my way up to the Jungfrau and the Mattorhorn and it was during the latter climb that a couple of guides and myself dropped over a precipice and were supposedly lost Consciousness left me at the time of the accident I had sustained injuries so severe that my mind was affected for weeks and when at last I awoke to a realization that I still lived I found myself in a little Swiss chalet and experienced the unique sensation of reading a full account ac-count of my death in a Vans newspaper news-paper It was a grim Joke but I decided to enter actively into the spirit of I In a few days I departed Incog for France and shortly afterward took ship for America Somewhat in doubt to how the as hoW extensive ex-tensive fortune of a supposedly deceased Ie ceased bachelor might fare I resolved to acquaint my solicitors with the fact that I had not as was commonly believed be-lieved gone over to the great majority and so head off any premeditated attack at-tack on my hcapedup dollars Messrs Tort Tarplelgh were greatly amazed of course and when their astonishment had worn off a lit tie I noticed a coolness not very pronounced pro-nounced indeed but thoroughly patent to my sensitive selrIn their treatment of me I was nonplussed for the moment mo-ment but my wonder was soon set at rest by Mr Tort who conducted me to a private room and then put the astounding as-tounding question Mr Baker are you related In anyway any-way to Brigham Young Related to Brigham Young I gasped Mr Tort youre crazy At least youre a Mormon Please assure me that youre a Mormon and that you did I purely out of religious conviction and nothing else way Did what I asked In a bewildered wayIs Is It possible you dont know that you have been married 13 times and that a bakers dozen of women arc wearing mourning for you this blessed minute and have each filed individual claims to your large estate Married 13 times I echoed Exactly and each one of these widows seems to have proven a clear case against you I laughed wildly and reached fQr my hat hatWhere Where are you going asked Tort Im going back to the Matterhorn and fall over another cliff I replied Better death In some foreign land than annihilation at the hands of 13 widows Unhand me Tort Be quiet then warned the solicitor solici-tor Sit down Be a man Remember you cannot possibly be a husband to all of them Well weed em out I we succeed in narrowing them down to one you can placate her by Never Give me liberty Tort or give me death Those are my senti ments Hush Not so loud Theres one of them just come into the outer office They drift In all day long by ones and twos We keep a clerk specially to attend to them Would you like to tall with I this n She Is No9 Shall I send Her in T Yes I returned desperately I would like to have her give me some information Send her In And In she came I was Miss de Smet fat fair and forty I knew her well She gave a scream when she saw me and began to flutter her hands Dont faint I requested in a voice of forced calmness We are old friends nlr Smet but Ia had no I Idea we had entered the holy el bonds of I matrimony I cannot recollect ever having married you Still I may have done so In a moment of temporary aberration ab-erration Will you please state where I it was and when and why you have I I struggled along all these years as Miss de Smet rather than as Mrs Baker j Oh dear Mr Baker sha walled I I have been hypnotized and the sight of j you has just brought me out of my trance Where am I What are you talking about T have been hypnotized I know I have And she bolted out of the room rm I was beginning to get just a little i bloodthirsty and rather to enjoy my strange situation so when Tort announced I an-nounced that four more had Just come i 1 In I requested him to let me look at them unobserved Perhaps I would I recognize some more of my old friends I A ventilator In the partition answered an-swered my purpose admirably Placing a chair on a table I climbed up until my eyes were brought In a line with < my peep hole f I Then I peered out There they sat four more of that bakers dozen In a I formal line In the outer office One woman I did not know at l the next I i w j I vaguely remembered to have met at a charity bazar the third was a book i agent with whom I had had occasional l i dealings in a business way but the i fourth lady the lady whose sombre at I tire was set off with a red rose at her corsage I nearly fell from the chair I when I saw her As soon as I had sufficiently recovered I recov-ered I climbed down opened the door slightly and motioned to Tort lie came in at once Well said he what do you think of them Tort I answered have you par ticularly noted the lady on this end of the row the one with the red rose Yes shes No C and the prettiest of the lot What does she claim She claims that you proposed to herat her-at Newport Jn June 1S93 that she accepted ac-cepted you that you were married and i that the matter was kept a secret because be-cause she was a governess In the fam ily of one of your friends Tort said I here Is an opportunity for revenge I love that girl and I did I propose to her In June 1S93 but she reI fused me For this reason I went abroad and began to climb Icebergs I want you to dismiss the other three out there and have a little conversation ltte comcrsaton with No6 whom I know as Miss Gun derson along certain lines that I will lay down to you In five minutes he returned beaming ly to the forlorn widows The three not wanted were Immediately sent away and thereupon the following conversation con-versation took place between Tort and Miss Gunderson Mrs Baker you loved the decedent Benjamin not Barker very dearly did you Ii 4 It I 1Vi D frj t4 if S ili I t I r4 SI I p7 3 k ¼ II < DAELTNG I EXCLAIMED RAP tUHOUSLY I Oh so dearly and she sobbed In her handkerchief I If fate would only give him back you would cherish him fondly I would devote my life to his happiness I hap-piness Ah this Is most touching murmured mur-mured the relentless Ttr You are not now and have not been In any I trance catalepsy or hypnotic condition condi-tion Sir In other words you are of sound mind and a free agent Of course Then there isa I blissful surprise in store for you Eonom I This was our prearranged signal and I burst from the room In which I I had been hidden and advanced upon i the lady with outstretched arms Darling I exclaimed rapturously But she eyed me coldly What is the meaning of this she asked calmly calm-ly looking at Tort Who is this man Dont you know me my love I cried fearing my revenge was about to be snatched out of my hands Im I Baker alive and well back from the tomb and I wasnt killed after all I There Is some mistake said Miss Gunderson tapping her brow reflectively I reflec-tively while a troubled look came over tlvel her face You are not Baker not my I Baker How were you supposed toY have lost your life f I Why I fell over a precipice Then there has been a mistake a great mistake she Interrupted with a dazzling smile My Baker was blown up on a steamboat I regret exceedingly exceed-ingly that I mixed the Bakers but they are so plentiful how could you expect a griefstricken woman to discriminate discrimin-ate Good day Mr Tort Sorry to have troubled you By that time I had lost all interest in the remaining 1 widows and Tort is still negotiating with them I he weeds them out as successfully as I weeded out two I shall feel tolerably safe and happy although I shall always al-ways cherish a lingering regret that I didnt prove to be Miss Gundersons I Baker after all i |