Show SOME GOOD SHORT STORlfS Bernhardt and the Bard Cleveland Plain Dealer Shakespeare leaned heavily In Ben John sons direction His hand trembled High Olympus he cried Whats cried that And ho pointed down to a slender figure advancing from the wings Hush said Ben rocking uneasily on his pedestal Thats Sara BAnd B B-And who in deepest Erebus is Sara Oh say growled rare old Ben with a strong sarcastic accent you ought to take the papers Well you know said William apologetically apolo-getically Im not particularly in favor now and perhaps Ive gone a little too far In an effort ot get even They care nottj Ing for me why should I concern not regarding them Bens harsh features softened I Thats Sara Bernhardt and shes the very newest Hamlet he said I Hamlet gasped the unhappy Bard I Hold on cried Ben you 11 certainly do yourself an injury Brace up The I woman she is well enough In her way isnt sheYes Yes said Shakespeare but what is I her weight Fifty pounds tle he groaned aloud I Oh come said Ben if the freaks dfdn help you out you wouldnt get on I I the stage ufall I But think groaned tho Bard think i what a fat part it Is Why the very name is suggestive of the reverse of lean What I is she I Benniie She Is a Parisian by residence said Bard she looks more like a Pole snarled the BardWell Well said Ben you must admit she has a princely air Can a starched string have a princely air cried the Bard Starched string is good said Ben I with a hoarse chuckle why dont yoi let her play Cordella I Don t gasped William I Or Juliet But perhaps Jullet too much Avaunt snarled the Bard 111 do you some frightful injury if you dont letup let-up But just then the ghost came on and tals they settled back on their frescoed pedcs Why Did HeJokeP Pittsburg News An Irish Inspector employed by one of the traction companies has a reputation as a crossexaminer of conductors and motormen who cars meet with an accident acci-dent Ht had a conductor before him a few days ago A drunken man had boarded ed a car and acted disorderly The conductor con-ductor ejected him He picked up I stone I and threw it at the conductor who dodged dodg-ed I and it went through one of the rear cur windows and hit a oerman carpenter I who had no part In the affair at all The carpenter was badly hurt The conductor made a report setting forth the facts as mae He was taken in hand by the Inspector In-spector for crossexamination and this is what was said You knew began the Inspector when this fellow picked up that stone and threw i at you that it was agin the law for him to do the like of that didnt you youI did replied the conductor What did you say to him whin you saw him pick It up I told him to drop that stone And he didnt drop it No he threw it at me Thin what did you do I juked and it Tent over my head and through the car window You knew that accordln to the rules and regulations of this company you were in charge of the car and that it was your juty to look after it us if it were your own property which it Isnt far its the com panys I did And I suppose you read In the newspapers news-papers of a raycint decision of the court in which the Judge said It was the Juty of the conductors of traction cars to protect the lives and the persons of the passengers passen-gers on their car I did You knew that was the law I did I juke Thin sor I woul ax you why did you Play Ball Willlmantic Conn Journal Bill Jackson the hero of Williraantle has a new story of El Caney It Is about the Twelfth regular of which Bill was one The story dates from the night attack I at-tack Captain Clartce who was a line soldier hur dier and who seemed never to sleep ried back from the trenches to where the men of the company slept and cried To arms Get up They are coming at us One or two men sprang to their feet and a few set up and drowsily rubbed their eyes The rest slept peacefully on dreaming dream-Ing of home perhaps They were dead tired Then Captain Clark began to swear We will hope that in the excitement of the occasion th Angel Gabriel failed tot to-t it down against the captain Clarko began to swear and to go from man to man kicking each one in turn Ve are attacked Rally at the trenches he shouted But btlll the weary faggedout men were slow They roused but seemed unable un-able to shake oft the meshes of slumber which clogged their brains For Gods sake wake up boys cried the captainand then with a sudden inspiration in-spiration he shouted Company F play bail That settled It The men were wide awake In an instant and led by their captain cap-tain every man dash for the trenches to the relief of the detail already there and the enemy was thrust back as history his-tory will tel us Got Back at the Preacher Pittsburg News A Pittsburg minister of the gospel tells this story on himself He has a reputation reputa-tion as a coilector He Is always ready to raise money for any purpose within the scope of the work for the church He allows few Sundays to pass without reminding minding his people in one way or another of their duty to give freely within their means to church and charity He preach ul a sermon on Plato HelL He described de-scribed It as a place where those condemned con-demned to It would suffer the torment of having their ruling passions on earth uppermost up-permost at all times without the means of gratifying them At the conclusion of the sermon he called the attention of the con gre > ation to a collection that would betaken be-taken up for a worthy object After the i servIces he met an old parishioner a gardener gar-dener who spoke bluntly Did the sermon make any impression Ion I-on you today James he asked I It did sir Indeed It did replied James and 1 may venture to hope sir that you may continue to serve the Lord well sir to the end of your days and never fall from grace sir I fal so too James replied the minister min-ister But what particular connection has that with the sermon Well sir answered James I ve been thinking that If the devil ever got you it would be a sorry time for you In hell where you cant take up a collection An Experiment In Love Puck Tremolrs lifted his chin from his chest and his eyes from the too of his shoes and sighed dolefully I dont believe shell have me he said for the srme dozenth time I smoked on Why should she he asked argumentatively argument-atively ativelyh I asked reflectively Tremolrs glanced at me What can she see in me he demanded True I replied What I Tremolrs regarded mo doubtfully It s I crass presumption In me to dare to love her he asserted I I nodded an enthusiastic assent Trcmolrs glared at me for a full minute min-ute Shes so lovely and pure and and beautiful that for J rough crabbed I worldly fellow like me to marry her seems like an Insult ho aid It Is I agreed Confound you cried Trcmoirs hotly Im as good as you are Inl iTnHfMiHtpiiiv I observed in as sa castle I tone o I could manage cnstc Ill propose to her this very night If ud do think Im 0t rls aV ito i-to Tremolrs announced bitterly us he hastily departed hasty r suppose Im out a weddIng but Ive proved niy theory which prsent I r that the selfabnegatlon i lovers 1 indulge in simply unconscious hypocrisy Shingles Were Needed Cleveland Plain Dealer ila the castle roof is dreadfully In need of shingling Get it shingled Jut the blawsted carpenters wont trust dont you know is It I large leak my child The whole blawstecl roof mummer Youll have to come to I me poor child I knew I mother When do you start I sail for New York on Monday mother moth-er I want to land one of em before the fall rains set In You have no choice my son I None mother l American heiresses look alike to me Well cable me as soon as you hook her mo boy oa de Ill set he shingler to i work J i |