Show ITISXOTOFF Questions Concerning the When I islttocomeoff War Answered Will there be war askS a Sober Reader The S R can commence right now investing his stray nickels on the proposition pro-position that there will be war The fiat and several soldiers have gone forth The fiat may return but the soldiers will get their board among the Afghans for some time that is they are not of the returning board kind Some of them will also receive permanent per-manent lodgings Herat and Sherat and most of the juvenile rats are doomed This war will be rough on rats Those who lead columns in some of the printing offices will not unfortunately unfortun-ately figure among the doomed They can satiate their savage disposition at home in butchering the editors copy Yes there will be war and no Closing out prices or clearance sales to mitigate its horrors A Jispatch just received from St Petersburg announces that Gen Blow mynoseoffhas been ordered to advance via the Yramontzzeddiffsky River to the Xorphendillertz Mountains and I capture the town of Alasghometrizecar hoxeganicy no matter if the enemy bring out their entire forces including I the Afghan sooners with their other names against him And he will do it as soon as the Russian reserves embracing I em-bracing the entire alphabet arrive The offer on the part of the Russian government to place John L Sullivan Scott Anderson and Kate Field at the I head of the prominent regiments was after further consideration unfortunately unfortun-ately withdrawn The rumor that the Czar hadoffered the Sixth Ward band a handsome salary sal-ary to waft their gentle strains against the Afghans is not correct On reflection I reflec-tion his majesty concluded to conduit the war on civilized principles The entire forces of the Muscovite Empire will at once be ordered to the front If more are needed an open venire will be issued Several ironclads cannon a number of army mules ministers book agents deputy marshals Salt Lake whisky and other agents of destruction have been ordered from the United States My new war map will be out in a few days THE HERALD has taken the necessary steps to have it copyrighted It will all needed supply information I not herein contained and will be sup plied gratuitously to readers of this paper All infringements will be vigorously prosecuted and no appeal allowed ESSAY CAters |