Show APPETIZERS Motherly Flrmneas Two boys inched Jim < to Tom Take your bldJeata vay now Jim Aint hurtin you Tom You are gettin over oil my place Jim Aint Tom Are Jim Story Mother Children go to sleep II Tom Jim Keeps on puttiuus old feef on me f Jim Aint maw t 1 Mother Jimmy take your feet away Jim Ouch Maw Tom pinched me Tom Didnt maw Mother If you dont go to sleep Ill come there an whip you both Jim HI amt done quit that now Maw make Tom quit tryin to cut me with his old toe nail Mother Tommy behave yourself Tom Aint doin nothin maw It Jim Are too maw Tom Aintouch Maw Jims a pinchin me Mother Go to sleep this minute or Ill come there and whip yon both Not mother word out of you Just another word if you dare Jim Gimme my pillow Tom Take your old pillow Ouch Maw Toms a kickin me Mother Didnt I tell you Id whip yon Never mind you shant go downtown down-town with me tomorrow Arkamat Traveler Shabeaperean Criticisms Mamiedearhave you seen anything of any of my books inquired Mr Smith of his newly married wife hI searched hign and low for my copy of Shakespeare and I cant find it anywhere any-where Oh J Was it that big book in dark red binding 1 Yes Why mamma was looking through the book case this morning andshe thsew that book away Threw it away Great heavens I What for I Why she looked through the index i and saw the name of an article about I The Tanrirfg of the Shrew and she said she didnt think it was the proper kind of a book For youMerchant Traveler Another Version How long did Bridget Riley live with you 1 asked a lady about to engage a servant of her last employer About six months And why did the leave was the next question She was very slovenly and had no patience with the children and I had to get someone else When Bridget appeared the next day to see if all was satisfactory she was askedHow How long were you with Mrs Jones 1 Six months replied Bridget And why did you leae Because I couldnt get enough to eatSue Sue was tak nPuck At the Boarding House There was a flag of distress flying at Mrs Zidgers door and Miss Neddy short for Edwina Zidger was on guard looking out for new boarders under these instructions from her ma t Now Neddy when the bell ringsif its a young man yon go right into the parlor and play gently on the plainer as if you was of a poetical temper Young men likes it Then Ill go inter the kitchen and send Jane to the door with the rollingpin in her hand and then shell apologize for her looks and say that the old gal is out and she was just busy making pies Thatll fetch him I guessF judge The Commercial Spirit A goodhumored father was trying to arouse his two little boys one morning and ailing with the elder one he said to the younger boy Cam if you will roll your brother out of bed I will give you a nickel Cam tried his best but was not quite equal to the task but with an eye to business heleaned over to his rand r-and said in a low tone i Willie if you will let me push you out I will give you a cent out of the nickelKentucky State Journal Au Tip for Chicago It is seldom that a Chicago paper neglects an opportunity to get a good whack at St Louis but we have seen no disposition in the Chicago press to make the moat of that mad cow allop a through the streets of St Louis the other day The cow was probably wild with joy at biug admitted to such excellent pasture grounds as the streets of St Louis The price of a tip like this to Chicago Chi-cago is LDetroit Tribune Mutual Billings meeting Baxter who is walking walk-ing rapidly along the street Helloa I Baxter why this rush 1 Baxter I am walking fast to keep that fellow Staggs from catching up with me HeVan awful bore So long x 5 Billings meeting Staggs who is walking walk-ing slowly Hello old fellow why are yon poking along this way Staggs To keep from catching up with that fellowBaxter Hes the worst boreintownv ° r JJ f V 0 1 4 MIW ter Two of a Kind He It You are the only college girl I ever liked She Why how so He Oh the others all know so much IILife f |