Show A WOULDBE COMMISSIONERS E COMMISSION-ERS SOIILOQUY aa To regulate the voting and the domgs of the saints commissioners will soon appear to attend to their complaints political economists have cut them down to five but Im bound to be one of the great quintette as sure as Im alive And now Ill tell you all about my fitness for the posish and just exactly ex-actly why I must be placed on the cornish First let me say I need the cash I need the honor too but to tell you the truth if I do get on I wont know what to do When I thought Id get three thousand it nearly drove me mad but now five thousand is the sum Whew thats more than I ever had Ill preach and prate from morn till night and try to start a row Ive nothing to lose I am bound to win but cant tell exactly how Ill show them how the old thing works Ill count em out at the polls Jll run the game to suit myself my-self and keep em off the rolls My moral sense is all awry my record is not good but what is a Mormon anyhow Who cares if he live or die r1 Its popular now to give em hell and thats what makes it right To the world wed appear quite virtuous if we could only get em to fight If people would look at the Mormons faults theyd be blind to our crime as it flies twould be worth a heap to us and save us a heap of lies Im a stunner stun-ner you know Im as wild as a bull wine and women are sapping our livesthe Mormons contend Im as wicked as they who call extra women their wives I married my wife and I call her my wife and yet of the girls I am fond its none of her businessI dont let her know how often Ive broken the bond If I want a girl and she wants my cash Ill pay for the pleasurethat ehds it theres no harm its a rule with us all its seldom that trouble attends it But to say that the infamous crime of the saints is at all of a similar kind or that God and the churches should not crush it out a man must be out of his mind Dont we know that to lie and to steal is no wrong Being caught is the wickedest crime A man who cant dodge is a fraudis a fool hang him up Shoot him down in his prime When religion controls a mans heart or his mind when the people to doctrines are true put them down break them up at any I expense be he Mormon or circumcised circum-cised Jew Religions are made as a means of success and morals are used as a cloak if a man or woman pretends to believe in a prophetyou bet its a joke It these folks dont know that religions a myth if they think there is a heaven or hell its time that they learned that devotions all fudge I am a hell of a fellow Im religious as well I and my friends who are seeking posish pretend to religion cf course Religion is a means to get on in the world its a heap like a buggy and horse But when its a drag and we find it dont pay we just quickly let it alone We all know its a fraud to be used when we wish though we swear that nones true but our own There is one thing thats true and that youll find outthat myselr and therest of my friends are the only ones fit to be on the commish all others have sinister ends AS for me Ill treat both sides exactly alike If they want any favors from me they can have them as fast as they askdont forget Ill be fair Ill charge all the same feel fee-l needs a square man for a job of that kind its seldom such good things are found If dishonest rascals ras-cals should get into power theyll run the whole thing in the ground Im specially fitted to hold the po sish Ive quite an extended renown re-nown There are hundreds who hope Ill succeed in this this thing for I owe every store in the town The salarysjnothing the honors the thing but the perquisites please me the most If I cant make ten times the original sum therell be nothing noth-ing about which to boast Myself and my friends have agreed to divide di-vide of course Ill take all they may give but none of my schemes will admit of a pal what I get is my own while I live Ive been asked what Ill do with polygamous wives what votes Ill reject or accept what method Ill follow what ideas I have and what rights I am bound to respect Its nobodys business what I may thinkI dont give my racket away you cau bet though Im going to feather my nest cause I dont know how long I may stay But hellfire old Arthurs gone back on us all I guess then theres no show me I dont want any officewont take it in factof one whose no better than he Therell be a nice lot of stiffs put on that commish theyll steal lie seduce and maraud To hell with the bill the commissions a farce and the whole blasted thing is a fraud MOSES Salt Lake City May 10th 1882 |