Show FOOL INVENTIONS flOOD UNCLE SAM New Bureau May Soon Be Ne Necessary Necessary Necessary If Humorists Con Continue Continue Continue to Deluge Bureau Washington July 10 A special de do department department for the registering of fool Inventions may be established In the bureau of patents if the humorists of o the country continue to deluge the tho bureau with freak Inventions Invention tion Somo Some of the Ideas which aro are dally daily patented would cause an on ordinary ordinary ordinary nary man to expire from laughter but the men employed In the patent office have havo become hardened and even een the most rabid form of does docs not affect them themA A few days ago a woman patented a stuffed cat She made mado the eyes eos of lumi luminous luminous luminous paint and said cold the contrivance was to be bo placed near a mouse moulle hole When hen tho the mice sec lee the eyes of tho tabby they are supposed suppose to become terribly frightened and run themselves S to death She expects to become a multimillionaire A minister who does doos not advocate total abstinence has patented a fun funnel funnel nel fbi to tG be placed around a keyhole If U one ono indulges Indulged too much mitch and arrives arrive home late he ho can find the keyhole without any trouble The Tue Idea of ot course courne was not original as the comic papers for many generations advocated advocated this first aid to the Inebriated An Inventive Merry Andrew who do de deplored the tho terrible effect of oC railway collisions sent In a 0 prize winner It consists of a fL buffer which in the drawing looks somewhat like a long pointed ram with a largo large spring wound about It In the centre IB is I the tho wooden figure of or a man and a large bell Is 18 In front of him The aspiring genius told the patent office that when a collision occurs the spring is III supposed to tako take up the shock and at the same time the wooden man men rings the bell In front of him to notify the passengers that the danger has bee passed It is certainly a remarkable invention Another inventor who evidently read road some of oC Pos Poes stories tores Is the originator orl of an idea to rescue from the grave all who are arc burled alive It simply ply con consists silts of a n tube which runs run from the mouth of the tho corpse to the surface Of f the ground At the lower end Is a whistle If a person comes comos to life Ufe all he has hall to do Is to blow the tile whistle and the tho cemetery keeper leeper Is la supposed to como come racing down with pick plok and spade condo to die him out A modest mo lest young person has come to the tho rescue of 0 women bicyclists He ha has Invented d a pair of wings which extend from tho the handlebars to the lower part of the pedals for tor the purpose of screening the hosiery h el of the thc riders I from the vulgar throng It makes the bicycle look somewhat like a butterfly I and may ma increase the pleasure of cy cycling cycling cling The eighth wonder onder of the world worM Is a contrivance which arrived the other day It catches flies files In the daytime mice at night and peels peela potatoes in tho the morning With a few ew moro more Inspirit Inspirations tho the inventor expects to make It wash wa h the dishes rock tho ho cradle and milk the cow Anyway Its patented Another talented person Invented a anew anew anew new kind of or elevated railroad It con consists consists of oC a bicycle designed to run along the tops of or fences In the th country This does not include the various arlous species of barbed wire The Inventor provided no noway noway noway way for tor the tho rider of f the machine to get over oer broken rails mils nor did he seem to think that the washerwoman wa might drive him oft off the clothes line |