Show There Are Ar Smiles Smile That Make You Happy Here Are Words Without Music Theres There's a Reason If It you chance to see Attorney Lou Guernsey ey walking toward the Hall Hallof Hallot of ot or tho the county nil all with his head hanging as in deep dejection re re- re rei member theres there's a n. reason It all happened in juvenile jU court where here Lou was questioning a n. young oung I culprit who scuffed the floor with his feet teet hung his 1115 head and mumbled mumble Finally in exasperation Guernsey said Hold irold up your our head Wh Why dont don't you OU stand up straight hold your our head bead up and look hook the world square in the eye ec the way I do The bo boy pondered a a moment and then asked Mr Ir Lawyer did you OU ever e go through through- a afield field e d of ot wheat when Its It's ripe Why h yes e said Guernsey in sum sur prise Well Vell didn't you OU notice that some sonic of 01 the wheat stands right up lip like lIKo you rou do rIo and some seine of ot It dont don't I up Grown-up Lady A x laugh is going the rounds over O the thc stunt pulled hulled b by one of the at at- at at the orphanage who hat hall waxed enthusiastic In the work ork of ot finding parents for her little charges On this particular occasion she she lint had interested a young In a three old baby and the they had prom prom- to call tho the following Vin da day with a a view to taking if It she abc was the lite dainty dimpled cherub the attend attend- silt nut said was And in the meantime the time bab baby con con- a coM which on the da day she he Was as to be inspected had loft let her thin nn nut and pallid The rhe nurse knew that the childs child's chances for being adopted were wera adopted were very slim Suddenly sho she hit on an idea A lip Up and a box boc of or rouge The very things to make malte the tho pallid Nancy Into Inlo ax n cherub And nd so BO the fairy go godmother mother being a person painted tho the lily And amid Nancy Nane with viti a liko roses and nd cream charmed her prospective parents an and everyone c was happ happy Europe Shocked Europe got a lot o of ot shocks and surprises sur sur- over tho way In which we e did our bit in fn tho the war said aid Charles Charles' Charles l M sch Schwab ab recently Tho They Thoy at thi the way we manufactured an arm army wore cre astounded at the tho speed with which wo we built ships and converted French marshes into line harbors And 1 now that tha t the war is over and the batie battle bat bat- t lie tle ie for trado trade has begun they timey are still s suffering from amazement Only the tho other da day a friend of or mine i in n Paris mailed me mo an advertisement mont which an an American salesman had ad Inserted In Inserted In- In inserted in a Parisian newspaper lie He was wag Introducing some sort of oC a pill and had obviously set down every malady he could think of oC arid and naively nal claimed that the pills were a guaran guaran- teed sure sure sur cure for whatever ailed you At the last moment ho evidently must have havo been gripped b by the fear that he had overlooked o d something for Cor tho the a advertisement advertisement ad ad- ended 0 Furthermore f if thero there should beany bo be any dl diseases ases in this country countr which aro are unknown In America my pills will cure them too Seeing St Stars rs r In southern California were recently sent Bent to the presidents of ot tho the chamb ers of oC commerce corn com om- om merce l inviting them to to come on a certain Saturday night to a bam following which they were to see stars Not ot the twinkling ones we wc use to read about in tho the good ol old days ays but tho the celebrated stars of or some of ot the Los Loe Angeles photoplay companies They were asked to sla stay over Sunday Sun Sun- day and visit some of or the lovely gardens gar s-ar- dens near b by One president who received an Invitation tation was sorel sorely perplexed lIe He looked puzzled d. d then as aR ho he more fully tully grasped the meaning sort of ot wild eyed then I finally a funny tunny little grin spread over his face ace as he lie grasped a sheet of or papel paper pa pa- pa- pa per pel and wrote these words i Thank you ou for your Our kind invitation I fear tear I cannot accept it for tOr it would would interfere with the preparation of or my my sermon also some somo of or m my people might I object Ho IIo happened to bo be tho the pastor of or n a prominent church hurch in his town It Is needless to sa say ho lIe has received no rePly reply re- re pl Ply as yet ct also that ho he missed seeing see In ing star stars Just happened to think mister that the ones that stand up like you O do aint got no grain In IP em cm Je c Quaint Questions Questions' The farno famous 5 Jane Jano A Addams dams of or the tho fa famous famous fa- fa Hull HuH House said at a a. moth moth- era erst meeting I How ow quaint the tIle minds s of oe children I I J e are one New ew Years Year's 1 Day 1 I r gave o a I little girl a present of a diary This Is a diary lIar I explained to her lice I Every Ever day you must write in It a rec rec- record record ord of oC your our life a record of ot how you ou live Tho The little girl turned the blank pa pages es of oC tho the book and asked But wh why isn't it called a livery instead of a diary maam ma'am Tf Was Wis as H Hoofing It Sir John Foster roster Frazer was t talking about the time intense heat hent the thc British en encountered encountered en- en m- m countered during tho the campaign One officer told mo me it was wasso 80 so hot there that ho he sweated two gal gal- lona Ions a a. day a ily My dear sir only horses sweat I charred him Well Veil I was a horse thep he he rePlied re rc rePlied Plied promptly Keally it was too toc beastly hot to perspire like liko a gentle gentle- man Mixing Dales Dates Thero There happened to b bo two men rather rather ra ra- ra ther thier similar names Dell and Bell living In a small California town One Ono I of oC tho the men Is a n. doctor octor of or divinity theother the theother theother other a professor of or music who ho marie made madea I Ia a specialty of oc playing for fOl dances This Thu similarity often ended in a tangle about as difficult to unravel a as ns arc aro some women's questions When Whon the phone rang on a n recent morning morning- the reverend answered Are you ou Mr Mc B Bell ell Yes C ho answered understanding her to mean the thc other othor name nan We 0 are aro expecting you this even Con lag ing sho said Yes the reverend reverent gentleman re reo plied piled cr tIer ah nh where is it Why Vh right whore horo wo we gave o It before you lenow Tho The reverend excitedly was trying to remember an any date Which might might have havo been forgotten Why Wh e Why yes let let me see where see cr where did you ou say sa- sa Why Vh you remember don dont t you ou the tho voice replied Just Jus t where It wis w-s last Saturday Sa Wo We nis night want you OU to Play The preacher r grew moro puzzled his breath came faster his his' s Opened p ned wider l Did Iho ho st sa say play 01 or Z Zas Was as it a a funeral or a wedding Y Yes e s. s he replied fishing fishing- for tot time What is Is tho the nature of oC tho the service His 1119 wife wIro heard a peculiar jar a as the receiver fell feU from his hand after he lic had liar listened to these words It is Js at S Sat I I o'clock at tho the Fellowship hall the I Saturday night nigh dance and you ou promised Ito to be there and pIn play Sufficient to say Hay tho the preacher did dill not appear and the other fellow did the ti-ic ex ex- ex pin in ing Man Who lr Does the Talking dill Little Carolina and her grandmother went ent to church i ono one Sunday Sunda morning sc- sc cent it had been somo time lime since tho this small lad lady lint hall attended nOd thIngs and amid faces were now new and stran strange After returning returning- home homo sho s sat sal t in a n Quiet study What hat are arc you ou thinking of of dear grandma ask asked cd Who ho was that fluffy man was the reply What man pet I do not know which 01 you mean menu That man mami man I mean Caroline said with an indignant fr frown wn I r 1 cant can't toll tell dear which one that Is s. s Well ell said little Caroline evidently evident evident- ly fully disgusted I 1 mean the fluffy man that talks talka- while we l keep cep stilt stilL Tho Tue pastor happened to bo a rather i short stout man with a good supply o of I I hair and this was as her unusual wa way ivay of ot of I describing him I I He Flew Representative Good o of Iowa apropos apro apro- pos of cf Clio tho aircraft scandal salt said th other da day An aircraft official It is la announced has resigned office on account of or In Well I have havo heard hear of or that kind of influenza before It comes from cold feet due to exposure lad Had Hopes At the mission dO down n h by tho plaza tho the volunteer preacher tried to explain H sonic some me of or tho the reasons wh why a man might not flot get into heaven havon He Etc spoke especially espe cl daily lI on humility and amid how conceit was yas on one of or tho the greatest handicaps In this I fe end and a stumbling block upon entering enter enter- ing log time tho next To make male hl hui point the clearer ho lie drew dreu n i. i straight lino hipo on tho the blackb blackboard ird and anti at tho the end of oC it a door There la is the path to heaven Ho lie shouted and there IB la the door b by which St. St Peter stands Then at tho ti-ic foot of or the path Jath he hc I drew a small man then drew drow him again as-aln a little larger and further up the path lath I Finally an and l largest o of all all the man loomed d. d before the tho gato and the gate tc was as too small srn m ll to lot him in iti You see lIes He's jo IjO o puffed purred up U. he cannot cannot can can- not enter Try him sideways o Io mister erie cried a n. sm small ho boy who had haci boon boom giving the ministers minister's rR artistic efforts the O. O 0 O. I that th there r gate guto to lo heaven youve you've got sot looks like liko I A 11 Foxy Answer Luci About bout the b best st answer i ever el go sot got from a n h layman min was from rom rein John Johi HutchI Hutchinson Hutch- Hutch I inson i a th thrifty tj tt farmer a of ot Aioo- Aioo too took count county Maine said ad I 1 K W W. Shaw bettor better known n as a's us Shaw haw one o of or the thea le leading lending lend lead ing jury jUO lawyers ts t's the of or Pine Tree tate state I t 1 was at ut Johns John's IlIa co in iii the summer all and amid noticed a fine lock flock of ot turkeys John said 1 1 what will you Oll take tale for tor that gobbler und and agree to keep him until fall and d deliver or II him to mo me dressed about Thanksgiving time limo I I Three dollars said JohnAll John JohnAll All 11 right hl heres here's tho the money A few days dan b before tore I Thanksgiving John appeared and In a 0 hesitating W Wy way y said Im Mr Mi Ir Shaw sorry BOrn but the foxes Coxes got your our turkey about a month ago aso I All 11 rl right ht John said I I. I but how how- did It happen that the tho fox Just picked out m my one bird and missed all of or yours ours I 1 dont don't know salt said John unless tho fox ox liko hio 0 you Jou knew how to pick out the tho beat on one I I Oh IT You ou Doughboy I Nobody la iii having ha a halder time sol hug ing tho the employment question than thun the tho returned doughboy himself The h chap who iho didn't have havo u It string on o-n his Job when he ho joined the tho colors Is la Prone to grab rab anything that comes comes' his wn now that he's hes back That's how it happened that a tam tain of sleight artist In ono of ot the Main Iain street rude Bide shows camo came to grief I lie had mule marie a t mark marked Cd dollar disappear pear r right before tho the c eyes cs of ot of his audience audi audi- ence Now ow ho lie drew drow himself up and fH said id And now ladles ladies s and gentlemen we will find that marked dollar in the pocket of or someone in tho the audience In tn fact it reposes In the thc pocket of oC yonder ondel lad hid in khaki Ithal I. I Just returned from France Franco All 11 c eyes es turned on the lS dO doughboy Ho lb arose an and ambled awkwardly down the I aisle From his pocket h he v some sonic coins collis and handed them to the showman I sa saying Heres Here's your OUt change e. mister I ran ranI I into nl my iy trench mate out there and he was hun hungry rr and seeing I had iad that lint dollar dol dol- lam lar in Lii m my pocket you ou told me mc to keep till y ou asked for tor it I Just had to blow him to a bite to eat cat Too 11 Many any Pulls The trouble with Germany Gennan said slId Prof ProC H. H C. C Emory of oC Yale Yalo on hl his return re return return re- re turn from 1 Germany German id is that one gang sang gangIs sangis is pulling one way an and another gangis gang gang- is pulling another Germany Curu reminds me inc of ot the tile Blue LI Lightning Express The Tue Blue Lightning LI Express r reached its destination one evening eight hours late and the en engineer rubbing his hands said to tho ho new brakeman Hows Howg this for or railroading m my bo boy l Great said tho the new brakeman I Were We're a little late though aint o wo o Its that darn Horseshoe Hill said tho engineer In all m my 1113 life I 1 never lint had such trouble to get the train up tip that darn hill lull as I had today U r Yes s said the new mew brakeman and shOd have hare slipped back too loo if 11 I 1 hadn't had lint the brakes brales on tight The Positive Limit Linit The conversation having ha turned to 10 love this anecdote was recalled b by Maurice Co Costello t Ilo the actor actor- John Benr Henry and Maude cIau e Marie were oro engaged to be be married One evening thc they alt attended a dance and during a restful moment ho he gazed at tho the dear dearone one ono with devotion In his e eyes es asked do Sweetheart he finally you really leally and trul truly love o me rue Why h of or course I do silly was the prompt r r of oC Maude Mario I danced with you ou six times already this evening Yes admitted John Henry thoughtfully thoughtfully thought thought- fully tI but Jut what i proof of oC your our loveIs love lovo is there in that l If you OU only realized how you ou danco you ou wouldn't need to ask al me mo that said Maude Marie sweet sweetly Possible Chance Maybe Maybo our peace pro program ram is right and maybe it Isn't said Secretary of ot State Lansing the il-ic other da day but there Is one thing about It it It has 1 I 4 Indeed the world Is la in about abou who ho on di dis discovering di the same fix fx as ns the man covering co that th his chance chalice was sas a drummer asked him A 4 Have you ou ever bc been n to II the drummed answered Yes Yes sir I 1 make It every ery trip J I 4 Fine sal said the first then you cin cm toll tell me inc what notel to stO stop at nt f Jio I Sure was the answer cr Stop t It the hotel b by all means means 11 t You stop there every even visit V No No Xo answered tho the drummer ii InI In fact Ive I've never stopped there at al alI alV au I but Ive I've tried all the tho others J ft I Didn't t Know How HalO JEer J Every er great war almost every gre grea battle in fact act has had lint Its Ita boy bor he her I II I exception and the Maine Marne was no this instance according to I t dou doughboys it was a young bugler The lad was captured ll b by the Ge Gemans mans and was brought before the ge geI oral eral staff with nith the view to I The Tho 1 I la some Information from corn him protested that he lie lint had none that B German o German Tho TI-ic was only a bugler they com skeptical so w were t I proceeded and a bugle f test the bo boy th Lii order and nd Sound was was' the or er taps Ii la lad 1 promptly obeyed tho the mello Now o reveille Again notes blared forth Corth f No Now retreat 0 01 one new one whiz but that's a ne neV Gee 11 hi would knew It me mc |