Show THE CONQUESTS OF CONS CONSTANCE TANCE Switchboard S Operator at the tho Hotel Rich BY ALMA WOODWARD Cop Copyright t. t 1911 Ins by The Tha Prell Pm Publishing Oo Co The Now New York World THE CHAUFFEUR HH lobby was filled tilled with a busy T THE I and ever Increasing throng throne of ot southern ou them and western vestern buyers on their annual Joy Joy- f feet e I s t Constance eyed the multitude and wearily tur turned d to meThe moThe moThe mo me The first layer on em aint much to look at at she Rhe v vol volunteered o 1 u n t e ered I mean mean they thoy aint tailors tailor's delights ts anthey an an anth th they dont don't In n wasting tho the gas gasto gasto gasto to heat irons Iron but they got good J hearts If ft you jou ou could just peel the varnish off ott one of our New York Johnnies an an graft raft It onto one of ot th thorn them m boobs you'd have a grand man Would row you your rv v. v e b t 1 t AA ta OJ u it ilU i I. be Uti can j ill Ilardi Hardly I granted Constance released a plug and hailed a lI boy who was listlessly paging a man whose name de defied tied analysis Go out an an tell one of ot the chauffeurs feurs that Room bein a lady with th thO Inflammatory rheumatics wants to togo togo togo go for a a. ride with a couple of ot blanket blan blan- ket Blankets I echoed CI Increasing the speed of ot my palmleaf fan Ye Can you distance It Aw but sho's she's eighty poor old girl Geel Gee The Tho exclamation was vas so fervid and so 80 sudden I looked up quickly In alarm Approaching tho the switchboard was a a. chauffeur In livery He glanced once at the Phone Maid then n heeled wheeled about suddenly and disappeared Coward breathed Constance curlIng curling curl curl- ing the corners of ot her mouth Who Is he lie The Tho ninth lemon she answered concisely I I was as dead gone gono on him for tor six days then the end come sudden sudden sud sud- den an unexpected like a letter lotter from abroad Yes I aint I seen him fer tel three months Thoy They put him on another stand stand then but I guess he must be back backon on th job here now When I first met him I fell for tor his make up them black leather leggings give him hima a swell shapo shape I 1 must ea say even now when Ive I've shook him He Ho made a play for tel me that Immense Bothered me to death to go fer tel a ride So ono one ones night he goes oes up to a garage where lies he's got sot friends and ho cops a eight dollar car what belongs belongs be be- longs to a man who s a s went to Chicago Chicago Chi Chi- cago for Cor two days das an we wo go whizzing out over Long Island in the moonlight Gee ree It was immense An coming back Sack we stops an has a glass o o beer too An after atter a n couple more rides I be begIn begin begin be- be gin to think It wouldn't take such a much nuch of ot a car to make mako me leave leao my happy lappy homo home Then one ono night I says to him Say Say Archibald I guess Ill I'll put on some bilious clothes an well we'll stop at one ono of them REAL Joints eat we pass all aU the time out on the Island Lets jets be bo in the tho pudding once instead of ot bein the tho sauce sauco An he says I got ye c Myrtle Myrtlo So I polished up my mr wardrobe an we wo made the start R We e turned in at the he place on the tha map an as we rolled up under that thing what sticks out over the road an a n. guy In red an brass but tins rushed down to the tho car I felt that Lillian Russell had whatever er on me Then all on a sudden tho the Hawkshaw Hawkshaw Hawk Hawk- shaw shaw In red takes a squint at Archibald Archi- Archi bald ald an just as ns If It th lights aint good g enough ho trains a pocket flash on him right in tho the nose too too too- so an pulls pulIs a n. card out o 0 ohis oits his its Jeans an an on tho card It says Chauffeurs Chauffeurs Chauffeurs' Chaut feurs' feurs dinners served downstairs Price one dollar An he says as a's Just round the curve curve you'll find th entrance to the cellar them guys has all the tho chauffeurs chauffeurs feurs what was ever hatched on their list an yOU vou cant can't fool tool em cm So SoI IT I says sn's very cool We will go back to New Mew ew York Archibald I says an an he ho hofelt felt fierce about it cause I certainly did ld look the tho Can fancy C family all right but buthe ho he 10 turned around an wo beat It backAn back bacle An the next da day I 1 says to him Your jO joy rides is all to the merr merry Archibald but when you cant can't take a perfect lady to dizzy places cause the they got ot your finger prints its it's pretty bad I 1 aint t never et ct In n a collar cellar yet ct et an an I dont don't expect to So tie your our number to another skirt shirt sonny Jonny I guess uess Ill I'll stick to the B B. B R. R T. T TI the reason reaBon ho run just now when h he seen me His wu hurt lurt 1 HEDGEVILLE VILLE EDITOR 1 AN R SCRIB got Invited ted to the tho Missionary Missionary MIssionary Mis MIs- D DAN Tea Toe because he always tips his hat when he meets his wife on the tho street Miss Mss says that the tho young oung I men here are all perfect gentlemen be because bo- bo I causo cause when nhen hen she sho goes out with an any of or them they neV never r kiss hor her against her will wm Old Fork says ho he has a housekeeper now who can misplace everything In half halt the time that his wife can That lit little tie woman In black over thero there says her husband is an angel angol Why Vh that's not strange She's in mourning for tor him |