Show How to be a Politician by E. E D. D As Election Fever is presently sweeping not only the nation but the Tech as well I feel that a few pointers on politics would be helpful to any potential Presidents out there 1 Learn to like kissing babies This is a necessity as they will be voters someday if they survive the kiss that is Although this is somewhat uncommon for the student body elections still I know of one candidate who has kept his lips well oiled for the past two weeks He Ile has only one reservation the babies he kisses must be beat beat beat at least 18 years old 2 Get television exposure Make your face familiar something tangible that the people can identify with This TIlls doesn't mean that you should go and rob a bank somewhere although the money may be helpful during your campaign A television commercial however may do the trick After all who'd ever heard of Mr Whipple before he started squeezing Charmin 3 Dress like youre you're about to be buried Wear fancy three-piece three suits or long elegant gowns depending upon your gender It doesn't matter if you go deep into debt to Robert Halls money flows free at the top of the heap if youre you're careful and dont don't get caught 4 Always support the majority It doesn't matter if you contradict yourself every five or six seconds such things are common in professional politics 5 Have an idiot handle public relations That way if you should lose or if you find all reporters openly hostile to you you can blame it all on him 6 Use big words and speak rapidly That way most reporters will be unable to quote you since they wont won't understand you If a few reporters bring tape recorders have some ex pro-football pro players smash them either the recorders or the reporters depending on their Compliance with these simple rules may not get you elected but they will make you seem like a politician |