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Show v - ' S- -- TOM FIDDLER'S COLUMN. "What A' shock' it is to find out that the man whose conversation you have been admiring is not worth a dollar. "What a curiosity a newspaper "would be that wa3 edited by the people peo-ple who are always growling about the papers. . i "If you can't afford fancy penwipers, pen-wipers, stick your pens in a potato," says a writer who is eridejitly uninformed unin-formed on the price of potatoes this winter. On the day the Democratic governor of Pennsylvania was inaugurated his Republican opponent, Geo. W. Dela-34ATER, Dela-34ATER, was arrested for embezzlement. embezzle-ment. A. melancholy endorsement of the Quakers boasted ability to discern between integrity and cunning. The tramps are about to petition the Kansas railroad commissioners to require ties to be laid uniformly, so that a man will not have to take a Ions step and a short step when he goes from place to place. It's wearing on the nerves as well as the legs. Republican It s all nonesense this talk about prices having gone up since that passing of the McKinley bill. Democrat I'll tell you one thins that's "gone up." Republican Well, sir, what is UV Democrat The Republican party. "Does 00: love 00 mamma?"' murmured mur-mured the fond mother of her flaxen-haired flaxen-haired year old baby. The baby squirmed. "Oo's mammy's itsey bitsy tootsy cootsy, isn't 00?" The baby squirmed again. "And 00 loves 00 mammy jusser lot, mammy's ittle baby?" The baby threw up its hands. ''Oh, come off!" it yelled. "Don't von see I'm right in the midst of the 'Kreutzer Sonata?' Now don't disturb me again. A niEAtriEU said that no newspaper news-paper tnat told the truth and the whole truth, could make a pecuniary success. . -We say by way of returning re-turning the compliment, that no minister who will at all times and under un-der all circumstances tell the whole truth about his. members alive or dead will occupy the pulpit more than one Sunday and then, he will find it neces- wmih- brush ahd' V'c! oyds magnifying little virtues into bis ones. The pulpit, pen and gravestone grave-stone are the great saint-making triumvirat'e. While there is considerable talk just now about an income tax, let us see how it would - affect '-certain- men. The New York World recently published pub-lished a list fTf 122 citizens of .this country coun-try who are reported to be worth $5-' 000,000 or. more. There are in the list two persons rated at ?12o.t!00.H;.'). one at 5100,000,000, one at 7o,0:to,000, one at $40,000,000, one at $35,000,000. live at $30,000,006 each, four at .$25,000,000 each, two at $20,000,000 each, seven at $15,000,000 each, live at $12,000,000 each, five at$,000,000 eacii, ami seventy-live at $5,000,000. The entire list aggregates aggre-gates $1,552,000,000. Where could a more just tax be levied than on the incomes of these millionaires? Did you ever stop to"ihink when you joined in a laugh that followed some coarse minstrel joke at ;i mother-in-law's expense, of all that is involved in-volved in that term? A mother received re-ceived from heaven heaven's best gift a precious child. She had brooded every instant of its infant life. She has stood next to God in its helplessness. help-lessness. She has nursed it through terrible illness. She has guided and controlled, prayed away temptation, and interposed ' her own bosom between be-tween the shafts cf sorrow and its tender heart, iter c!ii";d has grown to womanhood, dear as her own soul, jis necessary to-her life as sunshine in to the gaunt -old earth, when, lo! up steps a dapper youth and beckons her girl away. When lovo leads, young feet will follow, and the mother's heart is bereft of its treasure, given over to the care of a stranger. I declare de-clare when I think of it, I wonder there is a sane mother-in-law in the world.' |