OCR Text |
Show JUST FOR FUN Such Vanity. Ono can't do anything out of thi ordlnarV in, a city street without having hav-ing Roni'o passing yirtingsler "pipe him off " Recently the boss of a moving uu was Ruperintendlhg tho transfer of a load of household goods from one part of Sprlngllold to-another. Among these goods Mas a very 'valuable mlr-lor, mlr-lor, which the boss, rather than trust to oho' of his less responslblo assistants, assist-ants, decided to carry 'personally on tho front scat. , , As the heavy vehicle ltimbled 'along, with tho boss holding this valuable reflector, re-flector, glnss toward him, on his knees, an urchin rau up alongside tho an and jelled. "ay. yoiiHe must ho stuck on y'rself, ain't cr?" Woman's Home Companion. Compan-ion. Speeding Up. There was a cow on the track. The shoo drummer, who had been cutting cardb for the cigars, beckoned the porter, por-ter, "Boy, is that cow still on the track? "Yens, snh " How fast is the train moving?" "Bout fo' miles an honah while do cow nm on do track." "And how fait is tho cow moving9' " 'Bout Ave miles an hotiah. sah." "Well, hero is a Quarter. Take a few yards of rope up to the engineer and tell him to hitch tho train to tho cow. We might make better time." Chicago Chi-cago Nows. Buying tho Be6t. Jewels are e.xpensive, and one cannot can-not epect to havo the genuine unless ho pays liberally for them. An East Sldo merchant emphasized the fact in this conversation, which is eald to bc truo history "What's the difference." a young girl asked the Jeweler, "between yer five-cent diamond rings and yor dime one3?" "With the dime one," said the jeweler, jew-eler, "you get a better diamond." Youth's Companion Some Record Holders. Altitude Cost o Lhlng. Endurance Porfirio Dlas Continuous flight, top of column, next to reading Walter Wellman. Putting the hatchet Mrs. Cairic Nntion Putting tho shot (out of commission) commis-sion) Andrew Carnegie. Making a Dollar Cover Greatest Dls-tnnce Dls-tnnce Mrs. Hetty Green. Judge. Overheard. "Well, Billie," ?ald the dominio, meeting tho youngster on tho high-was. high-was. on New Year's afternoon, "how is our father''" "He's putty well." said Billie. "Did he swear off this morning?" asked the dominie genially. "Yes," said Billie; "off and on 'most all morning, sir-" Judge. In Proportion. WiTe I want a cap, please, for my husband. Shopl-eeper Yes. madam. What size does he wear? Wlflo Well. I rcallj forgot. His collars are size lfi, though I expect ho'd want about size IS or 20 for a cap, wouldn't ho? London Opinion. The Artistic Temperament. "I can't get a leading lady for Yor-ick Yor-ick TIamm." "Plenty of competent actresses to bo had." "Yes, hut ho has hi3 peculiarities. Won't act with anj'ofltty he hns ever been divorced from." Kansas City Journal. Cash Valuation. "Never let it be said that you accepted ac-cepted votes that were given for a financial consideration." "Oh, well." replied the man who Isn't sensitive. "I don't think a dol lar apiece is enough of a financial consideration con-sideration to be worth mentioning.' Washington Star t Misguided Investment. "What did you do wif dat money you was gwlno to spend foh a pair o shoes 7" "I done thought about dat investment invest-ment foh a time, an' finally I switched f'um a pair o' shoes an' put It Into a pair of aces." Washington Star. Rainbow Friends. "Lincoln," said a veteran diplomat, "used to compare fair-weather friends to the rainbow. " 'They look fine and they bend very polite.' he would say, "but they're never around when the sun isn't shining." shin-ing." Why? There aro problems in this busy world To solve (are mighty tough; Pray tell us why the smallest girl Should tote the biggest muff. Chicago News. nn |