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Show Unpardonable Blunder. "Where are you going in such a hurry, hur-ry, Gadsby?" "Anywhere, to get out of town till it blows over." "Till what blows over?" "Hasn't anybody told you? I got my Christmas things mixed, and sent to Aunt Rachel, who lives next door to us, a shaving set I had intended for my newhew." "That was awkward, but you can explain ex-plain it." "No, I can't; that's the worst of It Aunt Rachel has a good deal more beard than the nephew has." A Boughten Mourner. Squilldig "Why, do you presume, did old Henpeck insert a clause in his will saying his wife must remarry In 1 order to hold all of his property?" Baldiff "Oh, he wished to die wfth the happy assurance that there would be one person at least who would dally deplore his death." The Age of Combines. He Couldn't Imagine. "The fashions in woman's dress," reads Mrs. Fijjit, "for next fall will be ven more extreme than those of last winter. They will leave very little to imagination." "Is that so? asks Mr. Fijjit. "Well, I can't imagine yet where I'm going to get the money to pay for what you wore last winter." Judge. Some Comfort. "Charlie, dear," said young Mrs. Torkins, "I hope you never played cards for money." "Yes," was the candid answer, "but as I didn't get any I don't see that I am morally culpable." And she looked thoughtful and murmured, mur-mured, "Yes; there is some comfort in that, isn't there?" She Helps Herself. Subbubs "Oh, yes;- Backlotz maintains main-tains two establishments." Gaussip "Well, well! How did you find that out ?" Subbubs "He told me himself. You see his cook goes home every Eight and what he provides for his home helps to keep up hers." . Her Use for It. "I want to get a camera," said the :young Mrs. Motherwell. "Yes, ma'am," said the clerk. "What size, please?" "Why, the smallest, I guess," said He One hears of nothing but combines com-bines just now. ' She I was just wondering, Edward, whether we might not soon form one of our own! His Wife Disagreed! "Don't you thirik that a' newspaper in smaller, more compact form would be appreciated?" said the publisher. "No," answered his wife. "It must be large enough for a man to hold in front of his face when there are women wo-men standing in a street car." An Illusion Shattered. Cholly 'I'm' very much disappointed disappoint-ed in that tailor Algy recommended' doncnerknow. Reggy I think he does good work, Cholly. Cholly Yes, but he duns one' so about one's bill. Hoping Against Hope. Gaboy (time 1 a. m.) I say, old chap, isn't this a little late for you to be out? Aren't you afraid your wife will miss you? Enpeck I hope she will, but she can throw pretty straight for a worn- she, dreamily. "I want one that's suitable suit-able to take the picture of a two-jnonths-old baby." Then He Went. "I used to like winter weather when I was a boy," said Mr. Staylait, "but I tell you the older I get the more I hate to go out in the cold." "Yes," said she, repressing a yawn, "and, gracious, you're getting older very minute, aren't you?" The Man She Needed. The Widow I want a man to do odd jobs about the house, run on errands er-rands one. that never answers back and is always ready to do my bidding. bid-ding. Applicant You're looking for a husband, hus-band, ma'am. Diplomatic. "Whose voice did he like best, yours or mine?" asked Miss Kreech. "I'm not quite sure," replied Miss Bird. "His remarks were a bit ambiguous." ambig-uous." "What, what did he say?" "He said he liked my voice, but that yours was better still." an. Overburdened. The presence of mind of an impecunious impe-cunious lover was illustrated recently at a bazaar where there Was a stall for the sale of watch charms. "Oh, George," she said, "buy mi a charm." "Sarah," answered he, "you have too many already." . Not Seriously Alarmed. "Don't you realize that the time ii coming when the trusts will own the country?" . "Nonsense," said the real estate man, "They might presume to squat but so far as ever getting a clear and permanent title is concerned it's out of the question." Too Much. Mrs. Marryat Mamma is talking of closing her house and coming to live with us. Do you think you could support sup-port both of us? j Mr. Marryat My dear, I can support sup-port you very 'nicely now, but I'm afraid your mother would be insupportable. insup-portable. Both Satisfied. Mrs. Janson said to Mrs. Lammis (in perfect confidence) Do you know mine is the prettiest baby in the world? "Well,' really, now what a coincidence!" coinci-dence!" said Mrs. Lammis. "So is mine." Wanted to Reciprocate. Had Lots of Time. "Better not wait for Charley any longer. You know what it is when a fellow is calling on his girl." "Ah, there they are now! . He 'is just bidding her good-night." "All right; let us go and have a game of billiards. We'll just hare time." Modern Literary Note. "We can't go to any additional expense ex-pense this season," said the publisher. "All my spare capital is involved now." "Indeed?" "Yes; I'm running a race horse and advertising a new author." Rather Low Cut. Mrs. Portly Jowl (at breakfast) Now, Uncle Hayrake, don't you think Maude's new gown is a triumph in dressmaking? Uncle Hayrake Before giving an opinion I shall be obliged to look under un-der the table. Welcome Visitor. . "A dark man will cross your doorway," door-way," said the fortune teller. "A dark man?" echoed the lady. "Gracious, I hope it is the coal man." Undoubtedly. Miss Giddy I suppose you medical students have some gay times. Young Medicus Yes, we do cut up quite a good deal. 311s Pop Bobby, I merely punish you to show my love for you, my boy. Bobby If I were only bigger. Pop, I'd return your love. The Dear Girls. First Dear Girl "Congratulate me, dear. Mr. Slmkins proposed last night and I accepted him." Second Dear Girl "Congratulate me, dear. Mr. Slmkins proposed to me night before last and I refused hftn." |