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Show ALL SORTS. Never kick a thermometer when it is down. <br><br> NEW way to "know (all about) thyself"-- Get a Presidential nomination.-Puck. <br><br> A WIFE should be like roast lamb, tender and nicely dressed. No sauce required. <br><br> THOSE who give not till they die, show that they would not then if they could keep it any longer.-Hall. <br><br> LOOK out for a bad man when he talks of virtue. The chickens had better roost high when the fox begins to preach.-New York Herald. <br><br> A "NEW broom" may "sweep clean," but an old one is just as serviceable to chase a husband over the back fence with.-Middletown Transcript. <br><br> IT IS claimed by some medical men that smoking weakens the eyesight. Maybe it does, but just see how it strengthens the breath.-Hawkeye. <br><br> THE GLASS of soda and the looking-glass resemble each other. You can see the soda's fizz in one, and your own phiz in the other.-Boston Transcript. <br><br> "MY UMBRELLA is getting decidedly shabby," said a young man about town one evening last week. "I believe I will have to strike another prayer meeting the first rainy night."-Newark Sunday Call. <br><br> BULLION is wealth in a crude form, and after it is coined and kept at interest a while, it becomes wealth in accrued form again. This language of ours is worse than the gem puzzle, a heap.-Boston Post. <br><br> SCENE-the river's bank. Spectator concealed behind tree watching angler-"I've been watching that fellow fishing for the last four hours and he hasn't had even a bite in that period. He must have the patience of Job!" <br><br> HE WAS a little verdant or he never would have said: "Perhaps we had better walk on till we come to a settee when we can sit together" Oh, no," she replied sweetly; "you sit down in the chair and I will be the settee." <br><br> THAT WAS a brilliant speech of a young society man who was "making conversation" with a young lady last week. "How fortunate it is," he said, "that before people go to the lunatic asylum they always lose their mind." <br><br> A VISITOR enters a French newspaper office and is greeted politely by the office boy-"If monsieur comes to fight a duel he will have to be kind enough to call again; all our editors are already engaged for to-day."-Paris Charivari. <br><br> "HOW ARE you coming on with sea-bathing?" asked a gentleman of an invalid. "Splendid! I bathe three times a day." "How do you like it?" "The doctor says I must take a toddy after each bath to restore the circulation-that's how I like it!" THE COLLEGE graduate is hanging about the outer edges of journalism, waiting for a chance to jump clear into the middle of it and astonish the world, and when he does get the chance he is sent around to the police office to see how many "drunks" have been brought in.-New Haven Register. |