Show The Herald Journal Logan Utah Sunday August 18 2002 — A9 Combat sandwiches can feed an army Path By Dave Barry Tribune Media Sendees Continued from A3 TX of poor visibility and of excessive vehicle exhaust “Right now it is uncomfortable to ride a bike in Logan” Lunt said “There are no bike lanes If you could get a trail that is separate from the road it would be easy to ride It would be enjoyable” Damitz agreed saying a trail system would ameliorate the safety concerns that follow bicycling on Logan’s streets Acoafitic known as Alliance of Community Trails has been formed to advocate the trail system he US Army is develh a oping new Combat Really Army food technicians say this sandwich Sand-wic- can remain edible without for three years Grant- ed that’s nowhere near the staying power of those $450 hot dogs they sell at airports some of which have been rotating on their grills since the Lindbergh flight But it’s still impressive I recently had an opportuni-- : the new Comty to field-te- st bat Sandwich and will give you my review once I get my new artificial stomach Retire Continued from A3 Andrews said he will miss association with everyone he’s worked with in Logan “The Logan Police Department thanks Lt Andrews for his years of service and wishes him all the best in the future” police Chief Richard Hen-- " dricks said in a statement released last week Sgt Eric Collins was recent- ly promoted to lieutenant and will replace Andrews the the day-to-d- ay "K-ration- s” -- pri-ihar- During the Cold War there was a fierce competition between the United States and the Soviet Union to gain superiority in the field of military food This culminated in the Red Army’s development of the legendary “Big Ivan” Tactical Assault Sausage which was the size of a subway car and theoretically could feed one infantryman for 400 years In 1987 a dozen of these babies were dropped from bombers to Soviet troops in Afghanistan shortly after communism collapsed disemboweled By the American Civil War the military had developed a ration called “hardtack” which was similar to plywood but not as tender The advantage of hardtack was that it did not spoil so if soldiers were pinned down on the battlefield unable to get supplies they could simply teach into their knapsacks pull out their hardtack and throw it at the enemy “Retreat!” die enemy would shout “They’re throwing hardtack!” In World War II the army No seriously I’m fine and my review will follow this informative HISTORY OF MILITARY FOOD: The legendary French general Napoleon “Bone” Aparte once observed that “an army marches on its stomach” Of two: one barbecued chicken and one pepperoni both wrapped in brown military foil packets that you need a bayonet to open I field-teste- d these sandwiches on a Florida beach where the harsh battlefield-styl- e conditions included heat sand and a large pink man walking around in a tiny red thong If anything is going to ruin a person's appetite for a sandwich it is suddenly finding yourself face to face with the flagrant crevasse that this man was sporting I think the authorities should crack down (Har!) on this kind of beach attire I think that Coast Guard ships should patrol along the beaches and when they spot a large bethonged man (’’CHEEKS HO!”) I think that i— Greenpeace be damned — harpoons should be employed But even under these conditions the Combat Sandwich held up well It’s a “pocket" style sandwich which means' it looks as if it has spent time ' in somebody’s pocket But I thought it was quite tasty in a spicy way Of course I think everything is tasty including which developed were critical to the outcome of the war because the allied soldiers knew that if they won they would no longer have to Afire the war eat tons of leftover were given to starving war refugees who gave them back Today they are used in road construction and fruitcake course Napoleon was talking about French soldiers who drank large quantities of wine and thus often could not march on their actual feet (’’Forward CRAWL!”) In battle they routinely shot at their own artillery to make it shut up so they could sleep But the point is that food is vital for soldiers The ancient Romans understood this: No matter how far their soldiers ventured from Rome they knew that come dinnertime the Domino’s delivery chariot would come thundering into camp driven by a man who knew (hat if he was more than 30 minutes late he would be So food has played a vital role in military history which is why the army’s new Combat Sandwich is so exciting When I heard about it I asked the army to send me one and the army graciously sent me ' cold cuts so old that when you ' try to take them out of the refrigerator they skitter away on little mold legs and hide behind the beer I will eat food with an expiration date written in Roman numerals So I gave a few biles of Combat Sandwich) my wife who is very strict about food freshness always rooting through the refrigerator and throwing ou( pieces of pizza that in my opinion still have years of service lefl She actuary liked the Combat Sandwich So did my mother-in-lawho is picky about most things although she has graciously made an exception in my case ‘ w “ In conclusion the Combat Sandwich is a strong addition to our nation’s combat-foo- d arsenal It is a tribute to the men and women who devised it and the courageous barbecued chickens and pepperonis who gave their lives to make it possible 1 know I speak on behalf of a grateful nation when I say: What’s for dessert? Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami Herald TIRED OF TAKING A PILL EVERY DAY FOR YOUR ENLARGED PROSTATE? Cool Cuts for School n( GET IN LINE PERMS if Art f)fl(llfr:Sl 1 CUtllttlSpMW wraps tlan hair $2Q00 $3000 $g00 Ptttg Pir Hair 118 North Main Da jam experience? weak or intern pled urine flow? sudden urge to urinate? more frequent need' to urinate? $40OO ajestg If ynue been ukiai pilbi to new your cntufcd pnwtale with little or no auceen ur ynu'ne find of die life efface they cauac thac'i peal aewx Sir ynu! M calM TherawTheejr" the IniSiis ana Mrgini treaUneat far chrg(d prolate Coukd TtiomiiThcrapy ic a single pnxwfcw dm'i ctniolty proven to aelieve die tympana of cnfaqed pnuie hYiafc ample and it bn wotted far more than SOjOOO men And k' a fnctiun of Sir com of drily medication CU Wlqr wait? 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