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Show Ml J 1 HI I Mr. Flummery of Chicago. Hi 'i II Ijl (By Angus Nicholson.) Ill '! I. It is a good thing to bo the subject of a story HI I 1 once in a while; especially when the. writer thereof Bil ! Si hurls bouquets in your direction; it is a nice thing HI 1 'to figure as the hero in a book, when the author H I makes of you a great man and a mighty, but when H J jf he, holds you up to the ridicule of the reader and Hj P 1 1 oniy uses your personality as a sort of foil for H; ft ' something else then it's different. H j People who are familiar with Main street be-H be-H jj ft tween South Temple and Third South and the cross Hj J I streets from West Temple to State; who occasion-Hi occasion-Hi I' ally visit the Knutsford or the Kenyon, have seen Hh I I' "Mr. Flummers of Chicago" many times. His H: 'i4 name, by the way, isn't Flummers, any more than H I it is "Flimmers" or "Flinders," or "Flounders." H; & But it is "Flanders," and he is the original of H j I "Flummers" in Opie Read's excellent book "The H ; I Colussus," written some years ago. Mr. "Flum-H "Flum-H ; l- ft mers," or Flanders, is employed by a weekly con-H con-H temporary in the capacity of advertising solicitor, H i'p 1 bill, collector and general explanator. When he H ;! Si isn't soliciting advertising, and he solicits at great H; J I f. if length in fact, he does everything at great length H ii I he collects, and when he is doing neither, he ex- 'i V plains. He knows all about it, whatever it is, and J I ( can write an editorial off hand on any subject -from H I'fj ft the proper method of solving the vexing Venezue- II U l" Ian question to any analysis of the latest pontifi- , u ft cal encyclical. iK ft; Mr. Read knew Flummers, or Flanders, when 1 I Ir both were living in Chicago together, and they J J 1 1 became members of the Press Club of the City of ; (2 i I Wind about the same time. It was there that Read l J I noted all the peculiarities and idiosyncrasies of j Flummers, or Flanders, and incorporated him into ' I ! I the book he was writing at the time. I if This is the way Mr. Read introduces him to his '& ! j readers: "Henry looked about for the cause of this ! I I commotion and saw a smiling man, portly and im- I i I pressive, coming toward them with a dignified is! I mince in his walk. And Mr. Flummers was intro- I duced with half-humorous ceremony. He had a Hi ft rather pleasant expression of countenance, and H !i jj W) men who were well acquainted with him said that H l j M he had, though not so long of arm, an extensive H jj 1 reach for whisky. He was of impressive size, with H ! a sort of Napoleonic head; and when hot on the H G I ft trail of a drink, his voice held a most unctious so- H i 'ft licitude. He was exceedingly annoying to some H i 1.' people, and was a source of constant delight to H ! 1 others. At one time he had formed the habit of H I' Ij being robbed, and later on he was drugged; but no B I f if one could conjecture what he would next add to his H l l" repertory. His troubles were amusing, his difil- ; I 1 culties were humorous, his failures were laughable, HI: jj I and his sorrows were the cause for jest. He had Iff $ i a trowing paunch, and Nvhen he stood he leaned Hit I ft b'arck slightly as though his rotund front found ease Hlj ft in exhibition. As a law student he had aimed a HI ft severe blow at justice, and failing as an attorney HI 6' K nad served hiB country a good turn. As a reporter BIH ft! he wrote with a torch and wrote well. All his ut-BIll ut-BIll wt terances were declamatory; and ho had a set of HE V scallopy gestures that were far beyond the success-US success-US I ful mimicry of his fellows. The less he thought Hill m the more wisely he talked. Meditation hampered HI I v nim and lik0 a rabDit h6 was eenerally at his best ffii 'H when he first 'jumped up.' " HRi! If It will be noted that some portions of the de- Hft m scription are complimentary and some are not. HR ft; But the picture is not a bit overdrawn, save that IIP ft the suWect seems to have conquered his thirst I1H I' somewhat slnco coming to this land of delightful H W streams and purling fountains. Or else he doesn't Hflft w work the same scheme he used to. HB f$; One would think that after dragging a man HH ' rom the gloomy obscurity which envelops a Chi- R8n K ca&0 newspaper reporter and fixing him firmly in BR the pages of a book, the author would have made BHg H him do some great and glorious deed. But in this If; ii instance Mr. Read did no such thing. He gave Flummers a minor part to play. He seemed to havo no use for him, save to bring him in at the most critical moment with a request that some one buy him a jolt. Whenever he handed him a newspaper news-paper assignment he always threw him down on it and brought him back to Chicago with a more fiery thirst than before he went away. The members mem-bers of the club didn't treat him well, either. While professing to love Flummers, they applied to him epithets of opprobrium. For instance, one of the jolly set was wont to designate him as "a stuffed buffalo robe." Another called him a "gulp; a succession of swallows." Another alluded to him as a "paunch bulging liar," and a fourth as a "nerveless beef." They make Flummers out a bad man too; say he killed a fellow down in Nebraska. This is the way the dialogue goes. "Mr. Flummers, did you commit a murder in Nebraska?" McGlenn asked. "Oh, no." "But didn't you confess you killed a man there?" Richmond urged. "Oh, well, that was a mistake." "What, the confession?" "No, the killing. You see, I was out of work, and I struck a doctor for a job in his drug store; and once, when the doctor was away, an old fellow sent over to have a prescription filled, and I filled it. And when the doctor returned he saw the funeral procession going past the store. He asked me what it meant and I told him." "Then what did he say?" "He asked me if I got pay for the prescription. Oh, but he was a thrifty man." Flummers clasped his hands, threw himself back and laughed with a jolting "He, he, he." "Well, I've got to go. Did anybody ring? Say, John," to Richmond, "why don't you buy something ?"- "What? Oh, you gulp! You succession of swallows! swal-lows! You human sinkhole! Flummers, I have bought you enough whisky to overflow the Mississippi." Missis-sippi." "Oh, ho, ho, but not today, John. Past whisky is a scandal; in present there lies a virtue. Never tell a man what you have done, John, lest he may think you boastful, but show him what you will do now that he may have proof of your ability." Now one would imagine that after paying such attentions to a character in a story as have been delineated, the author would cause him to do something some-thing great along toward the close, but Mr. Read does no such thing. The last act of Flummer's book experience is to take a drink, as was the first, and there Read leaves him. He cuts no ice in the denouement and has no part in the happiness that comes to the principal characters in the story. Had Read had his way Flummers would have doubtless been drinking at the Press club still. But he rose superior to circumstances; tore himself away, and that is doubtless the reason he is here working on the weekly contemporary mentioned. |