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Show THE CITIZEN By All right, you ornery long-horGo ahead an holler. There aint a hoss this side of the Panama Canal I cant ride, if I try long enough. An if a automobiles any tougher than that paint devil you got on liar yore string, Im a tongue-tie- d n. in court! Steve was adamant. So was I. We were sitting on our heels in our room at the hotel, eating canned peaches with a pocket knife and a borrowed spoon. Weve been riding range together for five year, Steve, an weve stuck together in misery an in plenty. We've come all the way from House Bock with them lousy cows, for which services and emoluments from certain of them which carried our brand, we've got enough promissory notes on the U. S. A. to make a bed roll. What more noble adventure could you suggest, than to purchase one of them Ford cars advertised herein, an drive in state back to the Bar T outfit? Plenty! But if yore dead set, lets go git it over with. Ill note my more specific objections as we bowl over yon verdant green. We bought an automobile a Memory and a Ford automobile. recently acquired taste for veracity restrain me from telling in any detail the marvels of that automobile. In the words of the salesman who waited upon us, like we were a couple of Piute chiefs at a pow wow, it was the mechanical marvel of the age. Fast, furious and enduring. It will never break down, cause trouble, delay or expense. It is but let it pass. Let pass, also, the seven odd days it took to reach Johnsons Ranch, where we hit off across the foothills for the summer range. Perhaps we averaged more miles a day than a fast horse certainly we were three days slower than the schedule allows, by train to Marysvale, and by stage from there to Johnson. There were the usual delays: The roads were none too good, even for a wagon. A tire here, a gadget in her innerds there, a weary climb, and a long, long rest in Circle Valley can- von. v MODE OF CONDUCT Bill Durham Wal, I know it. But them contraptions is almighty hard to run. Theyre the most onmanageable critters on the range! But it was a funny thing. The farther we went the more sure I was that this automobile was a great thing. Anastasie, as we named her, bravely reflected the sun from her high, arching fenders. Her wires, and straps, and shiny carbide headlights sparkled and sang and rattled. She would snort up a hill and take the down grade with a whoop. Aint she a noble little gal, though, Steve? Yeh, but ef you keep a crowdin her thataway, shes agoin to fal to pieces. Hold 'er for the lova Mike 7 ! (According to Newspaper Gladmen) Oh, always wear a smiling map, Of frowns be very chary, No matter what may chance to hap, Be gleeful and be merry! Invariably possess a smile; The life of every party; In order to remain in Style, You must become a smarty! Go beaming round in joyful joy, With grins from ear to ear; Find lots of people to annoy, And fill them full of cheer. Steve, were going to be the You mustnt let a moment spoil; pride of the outfit when this galBe gladsome and be chipper; lopin ghost walks into camp. Yeh? Wal, suppose you gets And Fit supply the boiling oil. out an lifts Anastasies dear little If someone has a dipper . d foot outen them mud holes shes done trod in! Wake up, dear, its time to take Steve, you know,, could get nasty at times. And it was really a criti- your insomnia medicine. cal moment, too. With only five more miles to go to camp, Anastasie Paul Revere (shouting at window): Husband at home? has settled quietly into the sand of Pinto Creek. Lady: Yes. Tell him the British are P. R. : Evening shadows had long since reached out from the Vermillion coming! P. R. (shouting at another winCliffs and softened the harsh outlines of the desert. The boys would dow: Husband home? be just about through with the Lady: Yes, P. R.: Tell him the British are evening chore of stowing away beans and beef. Far of a bell coming! P. R. (At next window) : Hus mare from the outfit string shook her head, and a tinkle drifted down band at home? the wind. Lady: No. To hell P. R. (dismounting): Steve, throw that danged thing with the British. in low when I push. He did. Anastasie kicked a couple of acres of soggy sand into my face. Steve cursed plaintively. A coyote HOW TO CATCH A STREET CAR laughed in treble key. A burst of 1. Scatter crumbs in path usually lightening and a rumble of thunder heralded a midnight shower in the taken by street car. Car, will nose hills. around corner and come rushing up Anastasie wearily dug herself to sniff at crumbs. Sneak up on it with butterfly net and catch it. deeper into the sand. Time out fer a smoke, Bill, an 2. Write letter to papers comef I ever listen to your seductive plaining of service. Motormen will inducements again I hope to die in laugh scornfully and continue to give a armchair! Id almost as lief you day-ol-d transfers. Save transwalk to camp as wrastle with that fers. Become rich. Buy automobile. conf 3. Sit down on curb and become Gawdalmighty, Bill ! Get out, engrossed in new book. Just as you shes a ragin,! are reaching the climax, streetcar She was! Down the Pinto Creek will dash up. A variation of this is the water came hell bent for trouble. to light a cigarette. Streetcar will A cloud-burin the hills. The dry immediately come around corner. wash filled to the brink. Anastasie 4. Call streetcar nasty name. expired with a cough, and turned Streetcar will feel hurt and will reinto a submarine. lax vigilance. Catch it with lasso. 5. Take exercises. Walk to work Now, whatta yew think of in and back. This will do you more yore Aw, shut up ! Ive gotta walk . good than riding anyway, and its a lot faster. too, aint I ? S. A. 0. It was five miles to camp. off-hin- st |