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Show SmoKe From the WeeHJy Tipe. There are certain rules in the manipulation of table implements which should ordinarily be observed. ob-served. For instance, eating soup with a sponge is not a graceful proceeding, and the custom of balancing country gravy on the keen edge of a shimmering blade and then hurling it dexterously dexter-ously throatward should be foresworni, not because be-cause it is intrinsically wrong, but there is danger dan-ger of cutting the face. Still these are minor details. de-tails. It remained for a Salt Lake jurist of prominence prom-inence to enact the crowning gaucherie of the century. Three ladies were ushered to the table in a well-known restaurant, where the jurist was just completing" a robuse repast. Now there have been many catastrophies to table etiquette appertaining apper-taining to the finger-bowl, but the use to which the jurist put it stands alone and unique. Carefully Care-fully extracting from his facial roof garden a beautiful set of imported molars, the jurist carefully care-fully and deftly washed them in the finger-bowl. There were two screams and a swooning party, and as the dignified jurist ambled pompously out to the boulevard, two waiters and another kind young man were busy applying anti-epileptic restoratives. re-storatives. &, & & An Eastern professor has made a discovery which will cause widespread elation among be-corseted be-corseted femininity throughout the universe. He states that the reason women are almost uniformly uniform-ly graced with a refluent flow of hair is that they are tightly laced, a circumstance which is suppressive sup-pressive of abdominal breathing. This same abdominal ab-dominal breathing. O ye of the bald pates! is responsable for that remarkable external clarification clari-fication of dome, for the tentative reinstallation of a proper hirsute upon which you have paid the patent medicine man and the loquacious . barber manifold sums, which make your heart ache when it becomes a part pf your fond recollections. This will be harrowing news to the long-faced feminine advocate of dress reform, who will observe ob-serve from this that her beautiful silken locks will disappear some day unless she goes at once to a corset parlor and tightens up a little. Had the hysterical advice of the dream reformers prevailed, pre-vailed, we would now have a race of bald-pated Venuses who would have sent Cupid screaming to the woods. So, maidens fair, hold to your corsets, or let them hold you advice which is trite and superfluous; super-fluous; and as for the Beau Brummels, you had better hasten and get into a tight pinch ere it is too late. " ' A snake story which Is remarkable for every- H thing except a semblance of verity is told by H Fred McG., upon whom it was launched by an old H Arizona frontiersman, who did not appear to have H enough humor to keep the flies away. It relates H to the prodigious amount of swelling which issues H upon the receipt of a poisonous snake bite. While, walking up a deep ravine, said he, he H was stricken, from behind. Perceiving that his H assailant was an immense rattlesnake, and feel- H ing a peculiar sensation in the vicinity of his H hip pocket where he kept his chewing tobacco, H he scorched the tender young foliage getting back to camp. When he reached camp, his pard, see- H ing the imminent peril of the situation, grasped M a pick and started digging out the chewing to- H bacco. He dug for two hours and the net result H was enough chewing -tobacco to supply the camp H for two months. H When they returned to the scene of the on- H counter they saw the rattlesnake and encompassed M his demise. The snake had sixty-five rattles. H These were so large that, with a mercenary in- H stinct for which there is no palliation, they sold H them to the neighboring farmers for cow bells. H A. K. N. |