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Show Kathleen Norris Says: To Learn How to Stay Married Bell Syndicate. WNU Features. "With the material you have right at hand you can make a real luccesj of your wifehood and motherhood, and save one more marriage from the rocks." By KATHLEEN NORRIS "TT7E HAVE been mar-W mar-W ried seven years," writes a Montana woman, "and now my husband hus-band wants to take a course in marriage, and have me take it with him! Of all the idiotic notions to make a fool of him and me too, this is the worst! They are going to give this course in the evenings, eve-nings, at the junior college, and you can imagine how our friends would enjoy the idea of our meekly sitting there among a lot of youngsters, being told how to preserve our marriage. "I don't deny," the letter continues, contin-ues, "that we are going through a very hard time of readjustment, the long war years having pretty well demoralized us. Paul's pay was trebled in those years, and at one time my earnings ran to more than $300 a month. Our two children stayed with my mother and Paul and I lived with friends near the plant in California. "We made more money than we ever dreamed of making, of course, but didn't save a great deal. Our friends were very convivial, and a lot was wasted. I don't grudge this, for we had a good time, and I have my fur coat out of It, and Paul his gun and so on. But now we are going back to civilian days and high prices, and the little we have saved we want to put into a home. Here's where the trouble starts. Wants to Take TWarriage Course.' "I want a two-family house that will insure me a rental income, and Paul wants a place out in the country, coun-try, to which we will have quite a lot to do. Painting, a bathroom, electricity elec-tricity and so on. The place in town will cost $17,000, against which a $55 rent immediately will count. The country place is only $4,500, but as I say much must be done to it. This point, and matters of the children's chil-dren's training, and a lot of other smaller things, have caused a good deal of criticizing between us, and now Paul suggests a course in marriage. mar-riage. I have refused to consider this, and he says he will go alone, which will make me even more ridiculous. "He spoils the children, resents my mother's possessive attitude toward to-ward them, tells them of the fun they'll have in the country, and seems to delight in setting them against me. I hate to think that my husband thought more of me when I was making money, but certainly cer-tainly he is taking a funny attitude now. I would go back to the plant, except that it is closed, and hundreds hun-dreds of us who made big wartime pay are unemployed. Please telegraph tele-graph me at my expense which one of us you think is right, and what you think of marriage courses." And she signs it, "disconsolately, Selma." In answer I telegraphed "approve country house, disapprove marriage course in night school." But to expand ex-pand that a little I would like to say to Selma that actual material adjustments to civilian living, after the convulsion of war, are not half as hard as the mental and spiritual adjustments. Make that adjustment adjust-ment think out that conversion in your own mind, and you will have no trouble with the details. You have a husband who loves his children, who wants a country home, and will keep that home supplied sup-plied with comfort. You are therefore there-fore among the luckiest women in the entire world. Too many men have awakened from the war dream : 1 I The children will enjoy the country . . . in an ugly and dissatisfied mood, harsh with their children, unhappy at home, wanting another woman, another sort of life. Has Excellent Qualities. Your man, as you tell me in parts of the letter I did not have room to quote, is generous, affectionate, companionable, popular. He is steady, ambitious, and anxious to make a go of your marriage. He proves that by his willingness to take advice that will help him save it. With the material you have right to hand you can make a real success suc-cess of your wifehood and motherhood, mother-hood, and save one more marriage from the rocks. My advice against the marriage course is for two reasons. One you feel very4 strongly, that it would causes:otyiment and amusement among yoUr friends, and so it would. The second reason is that in your own heart, and in his, you know what makes or unmakes a marriage; you don't have to go to school for that. You know that a marriage to be happy needs many surface qualities; consideration, gentleness, patience, intelligent change. And it also needs many deep interior things; philosophy, courage to face small disappointments disappoint-ments and differences, belief that the true confidence with which you two started in seven years ago was not misplaced, that the right qualities quali-ties are there to build upon. No college course can teach you to grow up to be sensible human beings. Let time, silence, faith settle set-tle the differences between you and smooth them away. Make that country home a real home, in which Dad spoils the children a little and Granny makes up by a little extra discipline, and Mother Is the guide and inspiration of them all. |