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Show UNNECESSARY ALARM They were sitting alone In the " moonlight. "Maud," whispered Ernest, Ern-est, "you know I love you. Will you be mine?" "Alas. Ernest, I fear It j cannot be." "Ah," i gasped Ernest, placing his hand on ds breast, "broken at lost!" "What?" screamed the girl, throwing hnr arms about hit neck, and her breath coming 'n great panting sobs, "I did not- mean It Ernest. Oh, speak j tell me what la broken, It Is your heart?" No, my darling, only my collar stud, I felt it slip." A Painful Contrast. "I got even with an'' old school teacher who used to thrash me when I was a boy," remarked Mr. Wad-! Wad-! lelgh. "How did yon do It?" "I gave him a lift In my limousine. The opportunity to calculate my Income In-come and contrast It with his salary probably spoiled his day." ' Highly Educational. "Po you believe the movies are Instructive?" In-structive?" " I"""""'" "Certainly. Elderly ladles In little -country towns who have never been out of the counties where they wet born can tell you all about the underworld under-world of Farls." Wore Than "Dry." Meenlster I henr they've gone dry . In the village where your brother lives. Sandy Dry I Man, , they've gone-parched. gone-parched. I've Just had a letter fra Tam, an' would you believe it, tb postage stamp, whs stuck wl' a plnl" London Tlt-Blts. x APTLY TERMED ' "'" ' The Salesman: Something new In shirt? This pattern Is the last cry In gentlemen's wear. The Customer: Last cry. Is It? I thought so. It reminded me of death wall. True. I'll tell you thla , That a eight worth while, ! a traffic cop With a rental amllc The Proper Kind. Sympathetic Lady This man, wnrden, tells me he Is Interested In y books. I believe I'll bring hlin some on my next visit. Warden l'ock?tbooks are the only books that Interest him, mudutn. Sententiously. Arthur Most people are not what they used to be. John How's thnt? Arthur Children. Nebraska Awgv wan. And Such Pricesl "It's the woman who pays." "Yes, but she does It with her hu band's money." Too literal. "Well, did you hire a flat from that gent?" . "I did not. I remarked that I wanted want-ed oae big enough to turn aronnd In, and hanged if he didn't nsk me to stand up while he took my exact measurement s." nuratl Roiea. "Are you serving your country , or working f r re-election?" asked the meddlesome person. "Both," said the stntesman. "As regards the first, I court the . fullest publicity. As for the other, the less said about It the better." Couldn't Find It. "Where huve you Iteen?" "Over Europe; and Bay." "Well?" "This renllgnment of nntlons has wired out Graustiirk." v Playing Safe. Apprentlo Vmt Is In this bottla with no label? Chemist That's -hat yon use when you can't rend iV prescription.--Stockholm Kttsper. Color Nsedful. "Why do they use such bright colors In bathing suits?" "Sometimes a bathing suit fits so very close." replied Miss Cayenne, Hint colors ore necessary to call at-fniloti at-fniloti to the fact thut It Is bolus, forn. No Cause for Alarm. The Mistress llciilly, .lustle. yoo arc wearing very pretty silk stocking The Maid IMi'i be imoasy, mad Sine; I got these at my lu..i situation. I.ondor Opinion |