Show THE PRIZE FIGHT that MY TURKISH BATH It happened to be eleven o’clock some time during yesterday forenoon I generally take something at that hour Yesterday I took a Turkish Bath I took a horse-ca- r (That however is neither here nor there but it got within two blocks of there at 11:25) I ran up the steps of the T B establishment and The door flew open wired the inmates and an ideal voter t erst a chattel (I hope I am not obscure in this deeply interesting portion of the narrative) pointed his thumb over his shoulder displayed a choice assortment of ivory and chuckled with great natural ease I supposed this to be a custom with the colored population of Turkey and passed on Everything was Turkish I was struck with the order of the bath also the scime-tarof the apartments As I think I be- y fore remarked I passed on The M D proprietor shook hands with me very cordially I also shook hands with him I told him that 1 wanted no ceremony blit if agreeable to him I would gird up my loins and go in He imitated that the only ceremony was to fund a small portion of the contents of my pocket book I am a little hard of hearing — and I passed on An assistant in the light and airy costume which I have so often noticed in Central Africa in midsummer beckoned to me after I had laid aside a quantity of goods (belonging to my tailor and other down town business men) and I followed him The room we entered was heated by what furnace must have been mistaken however for I understood the assistant to apologize because by reason of a defect in the flues they bad been able to get the temperature up only to about 475 degrees that morning I was a little disappointed but simply suggested I took to be a successful I (see page the thermometer was Fair in Height I would' send out for some blankets He laid me on a slatted couch experienced a gentle glow Afterwards (I don’t know why exactly I have always attributed it to the temperature) I felt hot — hotter — Hottentot-te- r ! It seemed as though the equator ran right along the line of my back-bon- e didn’t care couldn’t recollect whether my name Meshack or Abed-neg- o Shadrach was but 1 was baking and sizzling just as furiously as though I had paid in advance My pores were opening and the A red bandperspiration was immense anna handkerchief would have been swamped Waiting till my identity was pretty much gone I dropped into another marble hall The assistant (to whom my warmest thanks are due) scooped up what was left of me and laid me on a slab The assistant said I needed him but to the best of my recollection he kneaded He went all over me taking up a collection and did first-rat- e I threw ofl all reserve—about half a pound I should judge He seemed to take a fancy to me I never knew a man to get so intimate on short acquaintance We talked rationally on a good many subjects lie said he barely got a living there I was surprised I supposed he managed to scrape together a good deal in the course of a year He said he wanted to go into some T ventured to predict wholesale house that success awaited him: in the rubber business In fact we kept up quite a stream of conversation' which he supplemented with a hose that played over me in a gentle leisurely manner as if I were fully insured He then shoved me into a deep water but if I felt chilly I I I 2 ) tank where the “Rules for Restoring Per- sons Apparently Drowned” whizzed through my mind and I came very near forgetting that I didn’t know how to swim I managed however to fish myself out in season to observe a Ananias who murmured he had been laid upon the table and should take a peel I came out to the drying-rooand made them think I was General Grant by for a cigar calling I drank a cup of coffee After a while I rattled into my clothes and felt better So much so that I did what I seldom do walked clean home If I live to be ninety-eigyears old and am pensioned by Congress the explanation w hich I shall give to the country at large is that it is due to that Turkish Bath I can’t tell you what I owe to it — Punchinello bald-heade- d Looking forward to enjoyment dont pay From what I know of it I would as soon chase butterflies for a living or bottle up moon shine for a cloudy night The only way is to take the drops of happiness as God gives them to us every day of our lives The boy must learn to be happy while he is learning a trade the merchant while he is making his fortune If he fails to learn this art he will be sure to miss his enjoyment when he gains what he has sighed for Every plain girl has one consolation: though not a pretty young lady she will if she lives be a pretty old one ADVERTISEMENTS THE KROWN PRINCE IS MARCHING r on Paris He will enter at Kelson’s Golden Gate where large stores of Kandy Kakes and Krackers are kept Kail kwickly before they are konsumed by the light infantry kon-stant- ly |