ARTS&ENTERTAINMENT Friday, February 9,2007 Page 4 Eddie Murphy, have you no shame? There's no justifiable excuse for the abominable and unfunny 'Norbit' Aaron Allen The Daily Utah Chronicle "Look, I'm exercising. Give me a cookie." Eddie Murphy proves once and for all that he's a has-been In "Norbit." Without hesitation, I can say that Eddie Murphy's "Norbit" is one of the worst movies ever made. Not just one of the worst comedies—which it is by a wide and laughless margin—but one of the worst movies. Ever. Even that last "Texas Chainsaw" movie aimed at loathsome and hit it. "Norbit" aims at comedy and misses the mark by so far you have to wonder where the hell it was aiming—straight at the ground? To think Eddie Murphy went through hours of makeup to become a 400 pound beast-of-a-woman named Rhespucia (she's as gorgeous as her name) who has the fakest looking big boobs since Pamela Anderson and a shrill, stampeding attitude that never becomes more than a flailing, desperately unfunny act by an actor in a fat suit. What a waste. Murphy plays all of these The filmmakers make the wrongheaded assumption characters loudly and obthat a fat, crude, African- noxiously, as if he's trying American woman—no, a to project his "comedy" to fat, crude, African-American man made to look like r "Norbit" a woman—no, a fat, angryr DreamWorks Pictures bikini-clad African-AmeriDirected by Brian Robbins can man made to look like a Written by Eddie Murphy, woman is funny all by itself. Charlie Murphy, What they forgot to include |ay Scherick and David Ronn were jokes. Starring: Eddie Murphy, With all the gaffers, grips, Thandie Newton. best boys, focus pullers, Cuba Gooding Jr., boom mic guys and coffeeMarlon Wayans go-getters on set watching and Eddie Griffin this damning evidence of a Rated PG-13/102 minutes movie star's oversized ego Opens Feb. 9.2007 recorded forever on 35mm Zero out of four stars film, someone should have Bound in deer fur and prom-dress sateen The Guild of Book Workers kicks off its 100th anniversary exhibition today More than 60 works of the best bookbinders and book artists in America will be on display at the Utah Museum of Fine Arts as part of the Guild of Book Workers' 100th Anniversary Exhibition starting today. The exhibit, co-hosted by the Book Arts Program at the J. Willard Marriott Library and the UMFA, is touring across the country and features three unique books by Utah artists. . Head of Rare Books and founder of the Marriott's Book Arts Program, Madelyn Garrett, whose piece is featured in the exhibit, used beads sewn into floss-embroidered velveteen for her book's binding. ' "This binding—produced during a six-month period that averaged two hours (per) square inch—incorporates Japanese, Czech and Italian beads into a pattern of gold embroidery," Garrett said. Mamie Powers-To rrey, Book Arts Studio manager, is another artist featured in the exhibit who made her 48-page book's cover out of leather and deer fur. Torn" Nelson, another artist whose book is on display, is a longtime volunteer for the Book Arts Program at the Marriott Library. Her book, which looks like a bright pink purse, is made out of "promdress" sateen. "The book is a playful homage to girls who really knew what it was about," Nelson said in a recent press release. This is the third time the Guild of Book Workers' an- nudged director Brian Robbins and told him to cut his losses. Perhaps he could have sliced up the film and sold the pieces as tiddlywinks. However, it's hard to place the blame squarely on Robbins' shoulders when Murphy was responsible for the story (along with his brother, Charlie) and humbly stars in three roles, all under extensive makeup and prosthetics," and all under the belief that these characters are funny: There's the repugnant Rhespucia, the kind of woman who talks back to her TV, especially to the comparably stable women on Jerry Springer's show; her nerdy husband Norbit, whom she terrorizes like Godzilla terrorizes Japan; and the cranky, old Mr. Wong, a witless assemblage of every Asian cliche" in the book (r's instead of l's, complains about the lack of Laundromats in suburbia, "jokes" about throwing away worthless baby girls). nual exhibition has come to the U. In previous years, the Marriott Library displayed the books within its walls. However, because of the construction, the organization was able to house the exhibit at UMFA, said Dana Rogers,UMFA's public relations and marketing coordinator. The Guild of Book Workers' 100th Anniversary Exhibit opens today for the general public and will continue through March 18. The keynote speaker and exhibition curator, Karen Hanmer, will deliver a lecture about the books as dynamic and versatile forms of contemporary art at UMFA on opening night from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. Students, faculty and staff may see the exhibit for free. Anna Kartashova "Hannibal Rising" Directed by Peter Webber Finally, we'll discover how Hannibal Lecter became a well-read, manhungry serial killer. Like we cared. Watch for the scene in which teenage Lecter's parents catch him noshing on some dude's liver and Lecter shouts at them, "No one understands me!" and then he slams his bedroom door and cranks up the Wagner. (R) guardian and an obese woman who crushes (literally) on the dweeby guy. Doesn't Murphy understand that an actor is supposed to follow-up, not precede, his inevitable Oscar win with a lame, box-office dud? Unless the worst is yet to come. Yikes. (PG-13) "The Piano Tuner of Earthquakes" Directed by Vie Brothers Quay "Norbit" Directed by Brian Robbins Eddie Murphy plays three roles: a dweeby guy with an afro, his Chinese A demented inventor reanimates an 18th-century singer and makes her reenact the opera that took her life. Almost as disturbing as when Dirt Devil re- Don't you hate it when you're hanging out with y o u r friend, but it's not really your friend—it's a vicious alien who has eaten your friend and taken his form and now plans on eating you? And you're like, "Joey, stop trying to eat me! Geez!" and he's like, "RRAAWWRR!" (R) Compiled by Aaron Allen Theater Theater "Experiments In Ink VIII" $5 to $9 4:30 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. 7:30 p.m. Studio 1 IS Theatre. Studio I 15 Theatre Capitol Theater Concert Regrets By Antonia Nelson. Directed by John Carpenter Saturday, Feb. 10 7:30 p.m. The Warm-Blooded Book by Mamie Powers-Torrey. 'The Thing' Friday, Feb. 9 "The Sleeping Beauty" $l7to$65 IWshl'dBeenAStuttyGlrl animated Gene Kelly and made him dance with a vacuum cleaner. (NR) ARTS $5 to $9 TYLER COBB/ The Daily Uluh Chronicle AmOHQ Other High SctlOOl Movie theaters showing "Norbit" should do the humane thing—the right thing—and issue a cyanide pill to anyone who buys a ticket to this bomb. I sure hope Murphy wins an Oscar for "Dreamgirls," because if he doesn't, he's in for one long, depressing month. a.allen@ chrordcle.utah.edu Movies Opening on 2/9/07 "Experiments in Ink VIII' TYLLR COBB/ 77ir Daily Uutt Chronicle another planet—one where, perhaps, the stupid aliens appreciate loud and obnoxious performances. The supporting actors aren't much better. Thandie Newton plays the cute and totally brain-dead Kate, Norbit's best friend andfirstlove from the orphanage where the two grew up. She's engaged to Deion (Cuba Gooding Jr., a name synonymous with careersinking movies), who wants to use Kate's money to buy the orphanage, tear it down and build a strip club named "Nipplopolis." I am not making that up. Come along with me, dear readers, further down the dark path of this moronic storyline... Norbit wants to dump the bullying Rhespucia and marry Kate for reasons unknown other than to get away from Rhespucia, and because idiots deserve each other, I guess. There's a scene in a restaurant where the nerdy, Bubba Gump-lipped Norbit asks Kate if she really loves Deion and the way Thandie Newton furrows her brow, rolls her eyes and opens and shuts her mouth like an indecisive guppy is the kind of bad acting that sets the profession back about 50 years. "Charette" $50 7 p.m. Jeanne Wagner Theatre at the Rose Wagner PerfomingArts Center Concert Young Love, Moros Eros, VCR Quintet $10 $ 10 in advance $ 12 at the door Matt Wertz 7:30 p.m. 7:30 p.m. Kilby Court (741 S.330West) Kilby Court (741 S. 330 West)