Show fete THOUGHTS ON HORSE RACING Horse racing is a form of competition compe compe- competition competition between horses to determine what shape the customers are in It is a demonstration in durability for all participants except the horses It is a type of sport that combines all the features of a subway jam a food riot a Christmas shopping rush and a panic in the madhouse A man can get the same sensa sensations sensa- sensa sensations sensations in any subway station during the rush hour for a nickel And in addition he wont won't have to listen to any tips that the local can beat the express if the smart money is up e Racing is proof of the claim that for a chance to lose 2 swiftly sv a n aman aman man will undergo all known forms of f inconvenience and torture provid provid- provided ed they are endured in an aroma of steamed frankfurters beer BO and fresh roasted peanuts Once horse racing may have been the Sport of Kings But the prole prole- proletariat proletariat proletariat has taken over If U a king gets to his seat today with no ribs broken you know he had the kings king's horses running interference for him Where once a few thousand per per- persons persons persons sons spent leisurely afternoons tens of thousands today blitz the tracks panting popeyed and perspiring as they th y reproduce Custers Custer's Last Fight with the done in technicolor When parl pari par stepped into American racing brotherly love or or- order order order der dignity common sense and laws regarding mayhem flew out oat the window Window is right e eWe We used to go to the track now and then for recreation Now we go goa a couple of times a season to take takeoff takeoff takeoff off weight test our stamina and get geta a fair idea of what Indian warfare was like We used to see a horse occasional occasional- ly Now we do well if II we see a horses horse's ears Once we watched cm em come down the stretch neck and neck Now the best we can do is to get it by loud loud- loudspeaker loudspeaker loudspeaker speaker while hanging onto our watch pleading for the women and children first and wondering where our hat went e Once inside it is every man for himself himsel and no accident or health insurance sold on the grounds THE JAP SAP LEADERS TO THEIR EMPEROR We offer our apologies As planes above you swarm For putting you upon a spot And making it so warm Were We're sorry bombers do Your royal dwelling skirt Excuse it please if it appears That we have done you dirt We are so very sorry that You even smell the smoke And that our busy firemen The royal grounds must soak We abjectly apologize And shed a bitter tear That war we planned so far away Should ever come so near It is distressing just to know That smoke gets in your eyes And for each whiff of it we are Glad to apologize Were We're sorry that you had to know The brutal facts of life We hoped to run this conflict as Our little private strife Again we do express our grief Were We're broken hearted too When we see war so near at hand Its It's right next door to YOU We didn't plan pur our war that way waye e It fills us with remorse So once more deep apologies To you and TO YOUR HORSE President Truman's old home omd at Independence is being painted All we hope is that as President resident l he will get a better paint job than most folks are getting these days Ye ed had the barn painted twice in hi the thelast thelast thelast last three years and the first heavy rain washed it off oa What arc are the painters using for paint today And if so so why perpetuate the custom of thinning it out Good luck Harry you'll youn need it Hotels will not be permitted to collect service charges on long dis dis- distance distance dis- dis distance tance phone calls the U. U S. S Supreme court announced News News item f Wanna bet Can You Remember Remember- Away back when a I butchers butcher wife thought nothing of oJ taking asking him laim to bring home a II asteak asteak steak And when the navy was teas thought to e be ethe bethe the lets less dangerous branch of oJ othe the service in wartime e e e eThe The Federal Reserve board is against lifting restrictions restrictions' against time payments in hi buying new auto auto- mobiles It realizes that never La in history have Americans been so little lit lit- little little tle apprehensive about going late into permanent hock hock |