Show I I Dictionary Helps MakeT Make T Tyre a Gasoline Guy I Another letter from A. A Tyre to Bill Honk in San Francisco Examiner Dear Dill Deli Bill Believe eve me Bill you otta I buy a car Theres There's nothing like lile it I 11 II I never knew what living was till I got j i this six-cylinder six Skookum and Joined the great army of gasoline consumers You know a guy guJ never nevel appreciates the the I II blessings of tranquility till hes he's had a I trouble It used to be that when Id I'd Idu u I put on the slippers and ana fill rill up the pipe II and squat in th the cushions for an hour of ease before bedtime Id I'd spend my time grouching because I didn't have I anything to worry about Never nomore no nomore nomore more Honestly Bill that hour before bedtime is now full of peace and quiet I Its It's the one portion of the day that's full of regular happiness But Dut it isn't gonna last long Friend wife says that just as soon as I learn i ito to steed this thing so that I can run through the night without I dislocating lawns and front steps and traffic laws weve we've gotta start star outon out outon outon I I on evening drives to entertain friends What Im I'm afraid of is that Ill I'll really j learn to run th the critter Ive I've put ann an- an I n the hp well 01 in in with It It t n O T I left that instructor from the Skookum works marooned on the boulevard six miles from home and three miles from the nearest car line All Im I'm OI l hoping ing for him is that he caught the r rheumatism in both legs before he started and that he had stone bruises and bunions before before before be be- fore hed he'd gone yards ards That guy made an awful hit with me just like Der Wacht am mn Rhein Anyway the next day I was out big as life ready to start over again Id I'd drove the Skookum home and hadn't hit nothing so T I was as wise as a hoot owl Get ready Kate says I to the family We Y are now OW about to venture venture venture ven ven- ture forth and do some speeding We Vt got this machine thing and its it's up to us to show some class in using it jt So on with the doll rags and sit up proudly in the back seat while your little shows you OU that Barney Oldfield was a bush leaguer in this driving game I She looks me all over with one of ot otI I them withering looks of scorn and andI I then remarks I Al AI I believe ma was right WHAT MA SAID I H Her r ma had said sad so 50 many times I about about me that I couldn't grab ot off the I exact idea at once Hut But as everything everything every every- thing ma had said tended to the opinion opinion opinion ion that I aint got any more brains that a gnat I rather rathe that this was an Insult l I When I learn to run rin this thing I says Im going to take tale a special l I course in how to make malc it bounce and then Im I'm gonna take that mother o ol oI l I yours your out for a ride and give her a aI I bouncing And if she pounces out and comes down in so many pi pieces ces that i well we'll have to conduct services with a harrow Ill I'll figure Im I'm just about gettins getting get get- I ting tins even een I 1 never get t her hel to ride rich in any I I automobile with you sniffs Katie And JAnd let me tell you another thing You aint no o bearcat with that machine machine machine ma ma- chine as I can see and there aint gonna gonna gon gon- na be no joy rides for me till Im I'm convinced convinced convinced con con- I vinced that you ou can come home in inthe the seat and not on a stretcher J I Very well madam says ays I I. I coldly 1 Ill now demonstrate that wh when n it it- it comes to operating a automobile Im I'm 1 there like a cork floating on a mill l' l pound Its It's second nature to me to do this thing Watch Vatch I She watched I i j I But Dut honestly Bill Dill Ive I've got to cont conI con- con t I foss fess that I I went up in a r. r cloud of smoke 1 Z not only didn't but butI I 2 I did the things the geezer showed r j me the day before but they didn't work 1 II Huh h says Kate i Lay off me woman says I and andI and I says it In m my maddest too Im I'm sore sore clean through I figure that the worm I had out as my m teacher had swiped the engine or something An Anyway wa I Ime knew knee i Id I'd been bunked on m my instruction So SoI i I did up the book finally and start to read about what to do next j You know that all that stuff about having your automobile first run runs rung for I Levy Swe Sweeneys Sweeney's ney's heard it So I glance glanc down to that section labeled Starting engine It says sas Make rake sure that the gear gear- shifting lever is in neutral That was wasa l' l la a a. cinch I made sure Then it says The spark sparl lever on the left quadrant under the steering wheel should be advanced advanced ad al- a little less than half halt way waT Says I to me confidentially hatt a quadrant The book didn't tell me I looked at everything from the tire to the tall tail light but I couldn't decide which was the quadrant The only thing I was sure of was that Id I'd never drank none of them and Id I'd never been obliged to call in a a. doctor b because cause Id I'd b had it it If Kate late had geen Been guilty she's sheR never confided In me I was stuck right here I knew about and there an em quad the Stanford quad but this quadrant S f thing was was more than I could get my 1 noodle to surround So while Kate Kato I goes sniffing back ack to the kitchen I i 1 make a a. sneak into the domicile and i brink up Old Man Webster who was wai s signed up pit Olio a subscription to Ladies' Ladies I Continued rl on page PR f S S. S DICTIONARY HELPS Continued from page 7 1 Home Visitor and has lIas been sticking around without anybody Knowing what his business was ever since Says I Ito Ito Ito to me me the dictionary will wUI help a heap So I says to Noah Noall rant n NOAH HELPS Honestly Noah Koah helped me a a. lot If H I depend upon the information I get out of the dictionary the kaiser will capture Pekin and amI Kalamazoo be before before be- be I fore tore I find out what's the Idea on startIng starting start start- ing lug this Skookum Says Sas Noah on the first pitched ball ban Quadrant The quarter of a circle or its circumference a a. sector arc or angle of ot 90 degrees what Noah said Bill DUL Ill I'll leave It to you OU if you were looking I for one of ot them things would it help you Well Yell Im I'm giving you the same answer It didn't help me a n bit I started like a circle and the only thing I could find was the wheels an and l 1 t he e hole I pour gasoline in in And I cou n t figure out 00 DO per cent of either of em particularly with gasoline at 20 cents a a. gallon But I kept up my research work Bill I looked on down the line and the next definition I find is this Quadrant An n instrument for measuring altitude consisting of a graduated arc are of 90 degrees with a movable radius for measuring angles angleson on it it And that pretty nearly settles it for me I I telephones to the Skookum office i Says I Look here I bought this thing thing for for forI an automobile and there aint no sense I of my spending dough lough for any instrument Instrument instrument ment for measuring altitude I didn't I sign up for no aeroplane I Youre daffy darty says the gu guy at the theother theother theother other end Anybody would be that bought one I of ot your machines machIneR says I. I The only way I can figure to use an instrument for measuring altitude is to io find out I Just how far Im I'm up in Jn the air Where lis is this quadrant thing I Why dont don't you read your book of ot instructions giggles the guy and hangs up And there I am right where I was before Well Vell the only thing thin to do is to keep kep on consulting Friend Noah the bird binl who knew what everything e meant Honestly Hone that fellow Webster was too too soon If It he were werl alive today he I could make a fortune telling what a aI traffic cop means or what an umpire I means or what the kaiser means or something like like- that So back I go goto goto goto to the dictionary and give It another whirl This time I bring to light the following I Quadrant nt The henry formerly because It can be expressed by a length equal to one quadrant of the earths earth's circumference I Believe me Bill DUl I give that machine a a. after that I dont don't know what a quadrant is Im I'm not Jerry to this formerly I I dont don't care anything about the thA earths earth's circumference circumference circumference cir cir- cir cir- only I l know now it isn't as asfar asfar asfar far around the earth as ns It is around that fathead agents agent's who talked me into buying this But Dut theres there's one thing about this that gets my goat and you youcan youcan youcan can take it from me Bill nUl theres there's go goIng going going go- go ing to be an explanation from this Skookum outfit or back goes this machine tomorrow This Skookum was made In Detroit that's true It burns gasoline gasoline that's that's true true too It wears rubber tires and a horn and all aU that sort of thing But it isn't a a. flivver And what I want to know Is if It this Isn't one of those things that made Detroit famous where do do they get that Henry thing in the tilO definition Is there Bill Em Look it up in the tho dictionary for yourself Your friend A. A TYRE |