mo'll'ie shannon and niqk on rqose-velt's rqose-velt's reception. Miss Mollie Shannon, formerly our regular- correspondent cor-respondent from Ballbulong, but who. had not written for so long that she feared we, had for-" for-" gotten her (perish the thought!), hag finally ban--r ished oir apprehensions regarding her safety by resuming her weekly contributions, the first of which is given below. Mias Shannpn'sj paper is T laden with luminous suggestions, .appropos of the 7 coming- visit of President Roosevelt- to Zion. Says Miss Shannon: ' tt I Deai Weekly: I think it a proper and fitting, time to say something to the people of the Unit-, ed States, and more particularly our own, In re-' gard to the reception of President Roosevelt; and as I have just finished reading the "Lives of the . Presidents," which I got of a book agent for $1.50 morocco or $1.25 calf I took the calf, as I didn't like the idea of the President of America in ioreign binding, I do not know a person more qualified to give pointers to the people than 1. 1 J Now that he has accepted our invitation to come and see us and our lovely scenery and the Temple and the new ,cut-off , we must make the best of it and we opine that our best averages pretty high. The wishes of the President should be coa-sulted. coa-sulted. , A committee should be appointed to meet him in some other state and learn just what his mag- ' isterial wishes are. But it must be done diplo matically. Ask him what color he prefers for the decoiations. A late shade is W. J. Bryan Blue, but perhaps he wouldn't care for that. Ask him I whether k he prefers his post-dinner cigarettes with or without, and hpjv he wants his potatoes, ( with the skins on or mashed. See if he wants a room by himself. Some of our cities have only a bunk house a la Pullman, sans curtains; but maybe he is of the people and for the people and would just as soon sleep with the people. Perhaps Mrs. Verdant will lend him ' lor the occasion the patchwork quilt made by Mary Jane when she was only twelve years old. it is understood that the President desires very little formality, which Is natural. I myself detest formality, ever since as a book agent the ladies would shut the door with great formality before I had even asked about the baby or re- " ferred to the unusually good crops. Just naturally and unconcernedly slap him on the back, saying "Hello, Ted, how goes It?" and pass right on; don't give him a chance to shake hands, as he has had nearly four years of such practice and his grip might bo more athletic than-could than-could be desired. And, lastly, have some bright boy In our pub-lis pub-lis schools read him the Declaration of Independence, Independ-ence, putting in lots of stage business and thrills. Could any President of a patriotic and loving people ask more? MOLLIE O. N; SHANNON. P. S. It you hesitate to publish this without knowing my middle name or my being identified, I'll send a lock of my hair and the No. of my shoes next week. M. O. N. S. t5 f We believe that the merit and wisdom of Miss Shannon's hints' regarding the presidential reception re-ception will be generally conceded, and they are hereby exploited cheerfully and in toto for the guidance of such committees as may have in charge the manipulation of this momentous event. 'We consider that the only possible weakness appertaining ap-pertaining to Miss Shannon's Program is that it is not suggestive of sufficient tumult. We would rather choose that the President enter Zion, as it were, athwart the bounding billows bil-lows of thunderous and many -throated acclaim; that his coming should be heralded by the Titanic Ti-tanic uproar as of the trampling feet of thousands thou-sands of stern-faced warriors, mingled with the tumultuous cadence of a myriad drums, coruscated coruscat-ed with gleaming spears, and deluged with that unearthlier and loftier melody of lnnumerous pipes and pibrochs. fc?V v l&fc That to the President would be reminiscent of the gigantic commotions of Las Guasimas and San Juan hill. It would carry him back to where he stood, oi a day of destiny, picturesquely bedecked be-decked in l role garb, amid the wildly waving plumes and ical cloudbursts at Minneapolis; It would bring to the mind of the doughty magistrate magis-trate a vivid picture of days when, with clenched molars, and tipurs dug deep in sinuous haunches, he plunge' over abysmal precipices on the heaving heav-ing vertf iae of a Western mustang. A co tract should be let at once for the m- struments mentioned and the necessary parapher- H nalia for such a demonstration. H tC tV V And as the President, as guardian of the Re- H public, is interested in all municipal government, the worst and the best, we might vary the pro- H gram by giving him a few object lessons in the H former class. Jinks Hoodoo Cottrell might be im- H pressed into service, and might garnish the satiat- H ed appetite of the President with a paper on "The H Eight Immaculates; or How We Done H Up Sheets." Councilman Eardley could also H do his little stunt, by rendering "The Love Let- H ters of a' Self-made Carrot Merchant." Fern- H strom could furnish lavish entertainment by one of his ornate recitals of "How I Rose From a H Swedish Walrus Hunter to a Statesman in Zion." H If they are not too busy Postmaster Thomas and Colonel Daugherty might sing their famous duet entitled "Harmony in Federal Appoint- H ments." H The festivities might be fittingly closed with M an immense political barbecue, at the conclusion H of which the election of a new city council would H be imperative. A. N. H