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Show Home Made yarns. A pitched battle occurred today between the Sunnyside insurgents and the heroes under command com-mand of Bridagier General John Q. Cannon. The casualties have not yet been reported, but it is understood that the brigidier escaped unscathed Seventeen trains w.ere derailed, and one private shot his lunch at a walking delegate, who unfortunately un-fortunately escaped without injary or suffocation. The battle began near the railway tracks, where General Cannon had thrown up some earthworks and some other portable goods that could not be used in the mess. The chairman of the coal union attacked on f ho right flank, but in the confusion resulting from the extreme dark-uess dark-uess collided with the cemeAery fence, where seven of the insurgents were impaled against the tombstones. No impressive obsequies were inaugurated, as the parson was busy settling a strike among the nurse girls. It is not believed that there will be any prompt settlement of the hostilities, as the uprising among the coal "men is almost as precipitate as the elevation in the price of ccul, and they have expressed their determination to remain in the tents of the belligerents until coal is placed on the same plane as tho rest of the base metals. When this announcement was Jiade, it is stated that a diligent search was made for Frank Morehouse, More-house, whose services were desired as referee, but Johnny was unable to give any clue as to his whereabouts. Bacon was served as usual under the direction direc-tion of Commissary Sergeant Snodgrass, notwithstanding not-withstanding the perilous state of affairs prevailing prevail-ing on the skirmish line, and the unsettled state of the pork market. Hostilities reopened shortly after twelve o'clock, when the striking miners, inflamed by the insidious odor of the pork, called for reinforcements, rein-forcements, which came with the alacrity of a spavined messenger boy heralded for Fort Douglas Doug-las an hour after midnight, ard smote the hastily has-tily constructed earthworks of the enemy guarding guard-ing the magnificent bank of fowers which had been forwarded by the admiring lady friends of the men at the front. The flowers were protected pro-tected by Webb's artillery, which, in the absence of Schrapnel, opened up a heavy fusilado with evacuated tomato and bean cans, which created great havoc among the miners who were used to a more stable diet. The only result of the flght was a slight wound inflicted upon the cook, for which visitation of providence everyone present pres-ent expressed his sincere and heart-felt thanks. It is not known yet who fired the unfortunate shot, but Captain Burt, whose hostility towards a bean and tomato menu is well known, has been impressed into the service, and has traced the offender to a hut supposed to be the headquarters of a union pledged against the assimiltation of non-union tomatoes. General Cannon feels confident of victoiy and has delivered a magnificent oration caution ing his men against becoming unnecessarily aarmed. He states that there is no particular danger of typhoid, provided the soldiers only drink non-union water, and assures the guard that there is n0 danger from the insurgent bullets, as the lead trust has issued a bulletin proscribing the use of leaden bullets. Tbe implication was that the bullets of the striking Burley drill manipulators man-ipulators were fashioned from fragments of the meagre lunch served them since the pay roll became be-came a historic souvenir. Taps were blown at twelve o'clock. No casualties casual-ties resulted, although an army biscuit was hur'od at the bugler by some sordid soldier whose musical mu-sical education, it is stated, hs been grievously overlooked. Lights were seen during the night in the H camps of the enemy, but the report of the outposts fl indicated that these were blazed merely to keep tho union flres lighted upon the altars of liberty, lib-erty, to hold back the invasions of the insistent mosquito or to insure the prompt lighting of the cigarettes with which the sympathizing unions I have supplied the insurgents. The report that these lights originated from the main feature in the facial topography of the stickers is strenuously strenuous-ly denied by Colonel Greenewald, who says he is sure that the miners are fairly temperate, though desperate. A bulletin brought to the tent of Major Glen-dinning Glen-dinning shortly after midnight was to the effect that the strikers were sleeping peacefully, and at this writing no renewal of the nttack is expected before dawn. Several of the officers awoke with n, start during the night under the impression that bugles had sounded the call tc arms, but an investigation in-vestigation conducted by the signal corps, re- vealed the fact that the momentary affright was due to the sonorous breathing of the Insurgents. Mess will be served at five o'clock in the morning. morn-ing. Strict orders have been issued by Colonel Greenewald that all tomato cans, and other imple- monts that may be rushed, bo concealed immediately imme-diately after tiffin, so that in case of a victorious attack, the insurgents will not be supplied with ' formidable an instrument of disaster. P. S. Sleet has begun to fall in large cj .-..is, but the members of the guard are undismayed, although it has been unofficially announced that Captain Warwick awoke late it night shrieking for the Eiderdown quilt which, it is stated, was inadvertently mislaid during his precipitate departure de-parture from the fort. Upon the arrest of his orderly, or-derly, whom he accused of the theft, the captain reverted back to his pipe dream and peace was am temporarily restored. B P. P. S. It was rumored late last night that Gen- B eral Alma D. Katz, chief of staff of the governor B of Idaho, has proffered his assistance in the set-B set-B tlement of the Sunnyside strike, but the governor B was forced to decline the offer on account of fl Alma's uniform having been torn in tatters dur-B dur-B ing the late senatorial election at Boise. K 2r & c? B The maid wore a beautiful bonnet B! With a lovely red plume stuck upon it, B But the lady went broke Bi And with one graceful stroke B She removed this big feather 'to pawnit. E iv v ( B WHY ARCHIE QUIT SO-CI-E-TEE. B Young Archibald lived in a far-off place K Where pelf he secured, which is no disgrace, B And thereafter a smile was attached to his face B And Archibald entered so-cl-e-tee. Now Archie had lived in a mild-mannered way, B His hair was unglossed, and his life was not gay, B And he journeyed to Sabbath-school every Sun-day B Ere Archibald entered So-ci-e-tee. H Then Archie in red, racy vest-iture bloomed B His rubicund features were tactfully groomed Hj But to pink tea stilettoing Archie was doomed m When Archibald entered So-ci-e-tee. i And Archibald learned from babble galore B That he was a toper and multiple more, B And his lucre was loot from the village store B When Archibald entered So-ci-e-tee. B Then Archibald said, "These are scandalous tricks jH And gossip descends like a simoon of bricks, B This society's far worse than politics; B I wish to withdraw from So-ci-e-tee.'-' B So Archie went back to the village, sans glee, - B wld gSSlp Was lax at the PendinS PInk tea; B VhIch a11 shows that Archie was green as could be B n the ranse and the rights of pink tea repartee B Ust the same as you and the same as me B When first we entered So-ci-e-tee. B A, K. N. "Impressions Quarterly" is a very mtertainlng issue of that periodical of literature and art. The magazine has some exceedingly good appreciations apprecia-tions of recent books, written with refreshing candor and delicacy, and Heroshige, landscape painter and apostle of impressionism, is ably and interestingly discussed by Dora Amsden. Typographically, Typo-graphically, the number is extremely unique and artistic. Paul Elder & Company, San Francisco- |