f-- 'Page 14 — I he Herald Journal Logan Utah Sunday August 25 1996 Let’s hear it for good old American ingenuity By Dave Barry The Miami Herald P wings and for a good reason: ving you wasted your time on activities as They are inedible They are such bones You listening to the radio steering essentially meat-fre- e might as well chew on a plate of etc But now using your cellular toenails But one day a shrewd phone you can engage in producrestaurant owner came up with tive conversations (“Hello ltd? the idea of serving the wings Can you hear me? Hello? Ted? “Buffalo-stylHello? ltd? Can which means Can you “to people who have been drinka safety bonus you As Hello?”) ing beer” It is a known fact that can also use your cellular phone will eat pretty much to call for an ambulance after you somebody (“Hello? anything Exhibit A is “Slim rear-en- d Jims’’ You could put a dish of 911? Can you hear Hello?’’) salted mothballs in front of beer The exciting thing is at this drinkers and they would snork very moment Americans are them up So chicken wings were thinking up inventions that could an instant hit Today “Buffalo-style- ” improve our lifestyles EVEN chicken wings are served MORE For example a while in restaurants all over the nation: back 1 received a letter from a The waitperson brings out a plate research scientist (unfortunately of bones the customers gnaw on I lost the letter so 1 can’t give them for a while and then the you his name) who told me that waitperson takes them back to the he and some other research scienkitchen where they’re run tists were working on developing through the dishwasher and a system for — I believe this is placed on a plate for the next set how he worded it — “transmitof customers to gnaw on A ting frozen maigaritas over ordirestaurant can sell the same set of nary telephone lines” I speak for “Buffalo-style- ” wings hundreds Americans everywhere when I of times this provides a big boost say: Let’s track these scientists to the economy and it is easier down and give them a large fedon the chickens eral grant I received another letAnd speaking of modern inventer which I managed not to lose tions let’s talk about the incredifrom alert reader Dick Demers ble convenience of cellular who told me about some inventions that he and his friends had phones especially for motorists Years ago when you were dri conceived of For example his cople often ask me how America became the world’s : greatest economic power as measured in Remote Control Units Per Household (RCUPII) My unswer is: "Invcn- - e’ beer-drinke- rs lions’’ Amcri- - cans have always been great inventors cite h5VT° !onc his- -' $ jtoric example: Back in 1879 it ' J 'Jyoung man named Thomas Alva ‘Edison was trying to develop a ?jlncw light source One day he was ’messing around in his laboratory twith some filaments when a thought struck him: The f Xlcttcrs in “Thomas Alva Edison” Scould be n sud-'dcn- ly I Co irymii w ubpibBOHi him uc iiivguigu $thc phonograph so he could lis- Men to BB King records A more recent example of American inventiveness is -- chicken wings For ft'many years nobody ate chicken m long-overd- ue d St Ogden Utah 84401 H isSi fp or I- ? -- £ 20510 J -- 524-593- i 1 Utah office: 20510 (202) -1 8402 Federal Building 125 S State Salt Lake City Utah 84138 224-525- (801) 524-438- US John P Summit counties) Lyle W HJNyard 175 E 100 North Logan Utah 84321 Home phone 753-004- 3 0 business 1 752-261- UTAH HOUSE 0 HCJ5E-UTA- senior-citize- discount and n your Annoyance Charge I'll bet you have some good invention ideas too and I'd love to hear what they are But please mail them in we cannot accept phone calls We’re keeping the line open for maigaritas irritation would be eliminated by Jeanne’s idea for a new improved turn signal: “After 15 seconds the car will automatically turn in the direction indicated by the signal” Wouldn’t that be great? It would rempve at least 200000 drivers firoml the road in Miami alone Speaking of irritations: Have you noticed that more people to everyoqe who contributed to our Grand Opening Event & Fund Raiser last Saturday With your help and generosity we were able to raise over 1300°°for CAPSA seem to be paying for everything — EVERYTHING credit cards? Last winter waited in a long ticket line oipkfoe a movie i-- With Due to the overwhelming response unfortunately we were unable to accommodate all who wanted to participate We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused But you may look forward to our other specials coming as our Grand Opening continues through September! West Highway 10£ Tremonton Utah 84337 Home phone : : t 854-378- 0 i House District 3 (Cache County) 810 Stephen BodByi § Main St Lewiston Utah 84320 4 Home phone House District 4 (Cache Rich counties) — Fred Hunsaker 1190 N 1700 East Logan Utah 84321 Home phone 753-185- 0 To call the Utah House of Representatives: (801) 538-10To write a Utah representative: The Honorable John Doe State Representative State Capitol Salt Lake City Utah 84114 House District 1 (Cache Box Elder and Tooele counties) Rep Eli Anderson 8790 To cal your Utah senator at the 5 Senate: (801) To write your senator at the Senate: The Honorable John Doe Utah State Senator Room 319 State Capitol Salt Lake City Utah 84114 H James V Hansen Republican — Represents 1st Congressional District which includes Cache County Washington office: 2466 Rayburn Building US House of Representatives Washington DC 538-103- 258-284- 3 Utah office: 20515 (202) 1017 Federal Building 324 25th 225-045- Senate District 24 (Box Elder House District 5 (Cache) — Ward Evan L Olsen 2009 S 3200 West Young Ward 4 Utah 84339 Home pbone 752-430- ' ' Dm Cowan Randy Youngbeig Ha JwgeaNa Kiri Jorgensen a Juon Crockett Use Jsrdine a Mike Allred CONFIDENTIAL! IIYAIDS1TESTING &’'GOUNSELINGf t tSUITS-SUITSSUIT- CrJebrm Si Recycle America J ting our I recycle LOGAN! 4Qtii 1942 KATER-SH- OP Maim Lama 752-11- 5 N Mun Logan 752-555- 5 l:-‘- ' 'i ft? m ir - w ' $(£? 4 si 5' f1- j v V- yv - it: -- :- This year Americans will t v ‘r- - have 11 fewer days ofleisune time than they did 20 years About Time Banking ago With that in mind Key mip has introduced something called About Time Banking” We can show you how things like your telephone ATMs New DiAMONOT scrntdi resistant lenses Ohly Diamcnex uaa a aoe-g- e save you 40 Diamine Ask to s Jiamood-liL- e cu managing see Diamonetf" lenses demonstrated at the Knighton Optical nearest you Cgslaficati Dm Elder Cggfftf Medical Arts Building-Bridtu- ni 990 South 500 West 723-58- your money City Wal-Ma- rt So call Shopping CenteMjgao 1496 North Main today We promise to be very brief DtArlOHEX' Tliinnei Ligkter Lenses As SaatcL Resistant As GussT mIJ fcSI&l OPTIC1! i r j ‘f v 'is The most valuable commodity of the ’90s 787-010- 0 68 MnbcrFDIC cfb I ZZmmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmmmm-m- jc Key v A Yt Free time hours a year dumhilify vidi lijjktwigk comfort the mod eriatxJinaiy lenaa jnou hujt material disk canAina ft and automatic bill paying can Tliimiei Limiter Lenses As Scratch Resistant As Glass: For a new America- - it comes to $237000”) 334-195- UTAH SENATE ? — River City PO Box 208 Bear River City Utah 84301 Home phone 279-867-9 Senate District 25 (Cache Rich Represents 2nd Congressional US Senate Washington DC J Cache counties) 7 District which includes Franklin County 437 Cannon House Office Building Washington DC 20615-120- 2 Idaho office: (202) 225-553750 W Bsnnock Room 444 Boise 3 Idaho 83702 (208) 3 Sen Orrin Hatch Republican — : 625-567- (LS HOUSE4DAHO Michael Crapo Republican — 224-544- St Salt Lake City Utah 84138 (801) (901) 2 your blinking sometimes all the way from New York to Cleveland slowly driving you insane? This ar 4 Utah office: (202) 1 4225 Federal BuHcNng 125 S State v 393-836- and other factors (“OK that’s two tickets to ’Flipper’ with You know those irritating drivers -“- f US SENATE-UTA- Sen Robert Bennett Republican — US Senate Washington DC based on the number of people wailing in line air temperature who leave their turn signals Lawmakers -— ft M friend James Cathey thought up theater near Detroit on a bitterly the idea of a ‘‘briefcold night for what seemed like case aquarium’’ I assume this hours because many people were would be an aquarium that had a charging their $350 movie tickhandle so you could carry it ets Each of these purchases had around with you thus if you were to be approved by a central comstuck far for example a company puter meanwhile the movie was meeting wherein your boss was starting and people in the ticket droning away about improving line were keeling over from frostproduct quality you could pass bite and being dragged off into the time productively by watchthe parking lot by wolves I have ing your fish swim around and invented a way to prevent this poop kind of thing: For credit-carpurAnother one' of Demers’ chases under $20 the central friends Richard Jeanne had a computer would add an Annoyfine idea for improving the qualiance Charge which would be ty of the motoring experience hie s k :