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Show .1 DISCOURAGING TALENT. ! "I understand a reform wave struck this town last year," said the stranger. "Yep," replied the native. "There was considerable excitement hereabouts here-abouts for a spell." "Was anybody hurt?" "Well, no. You see, this town wasn't as bad as some o' them visitin' re-i formers seemed to think. They made-it made-it pretty hot for our leadin' checker players, however, an' th' only cliam-peen cliam-peen we've produced in th' past 10 years got plum disgusted an' mov3A away to what he said was a more enlightened en-lightened community." ALWAYS P RAISES. r? n "That fellow Jones reminds me of a tombstone." "Because he is dead set in his way, eh?" "No, because he always has a good word for a man when he's down." f It All Depends. "I suppose you are a believer ln( harmony," remarked the garrulous barber. "Sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not," replied the local politician. "How is that?" queried the knight of the lather brush. "Well, take your business for ex-ample," ex-ample," answered the 1. p. "I fail to see just why you and your razor should pull together." Wandering Tootsies. Twinkle, twinkle, little feet, Of a chorus girl so neat! How I wonder If those tootsies Are relieved by Ellen's foot-ease! N. Y. Tribune. Making Sure. "I wish to buy some ointment" I "Yes, madam." "Will you open the jar?" I "Why, this is a sealed packages Yours is an unusual request." "I know. But I've often heard that there's a fly in the ointment, and I wish to make sure that there is none in what I buy." Unavailable Talent. "Now that your boy has finished col-.ege, col-.ege, I dare say he will be a great help to you in your business." "I'm afraid not," answered Mr. Grab-coin. Grab-coin. "You see, I devote all my attention at-tention to the manufacture of shirts ana overalls. If I were the proprietor of a dancing academy, however, my 'on would prove an invaluable assistant." Nothing More to Say. "Does your wife lay down the law '0 you?" "Many times and oft," replied the neek-looking man. "And how do you act?" "Oh, just like an ordinary litigant rhose case is passed on by the Supreme Su-preme court." THE BRUTE. "This piece of lace on my dress IS over 50 years old." "It's beautiful. Did you make It yourself?" I The Heartless Handshake. "Of course, a man can get along if ne keeps still and shakes hands with everybody." "Even shaking hands requires discretion. dis-cretion. I know a man who lost a lot if friends by imitating the busy hand-hakers hand-hakers who lift you along gently and irmly for fear you will try to start a conversation." Sure. j Who has the gift of repartee Might just as well go lose It, I Unless he has the wit to Bee The proper time to use It. His Causes. "Ananias got into trouble unlike any ither business man could do." "How so?" "Through both his assets and lie-abilities. Heard in Barber Shop. "There's a lot of truth in the old saying," say-ing," remarked Ahe bald-headed ylctim in the chair of torture, "that a fool and his money are soon parted." "What's gnawin' you now?" queried the barber-butcher, as he proceeded to comb the victim's missing locks with a towel. "Did the boss work you for a bottle of his hair tonic?" An Insinuation. Sapleigh How dweadful pawents must feel when theah offspwing is oawn an idiot, doncher know. Miss Cutting Yes, indeed. I have always felt sorry for your parents. I Dire Result. "How did that amateur pianist at the concert execute your composition?" composi-tion?" "He didn't execute it at all. He mur-dered mur-dered it." Wise Youth. "Did your father catch that admirer of yours he dislikes when he started to kick him out." "No, indeed. You see, George believes be-lieves in preparedness." In the Restaurant. He Now, dear, we will have a course dinner. She Oh, you mean thing! You promised you would give me a fina one! On the Trip. Captain A fine day and a good wind. I see things coming our way just now. Timid Passenger I hope none of them Is a torpedo! i Her Bet. Dolly And you tell me that yon have graduated from the school of experience? . rJ?$12 Cholly Ah, yes. Dolly I'll bet it was a night school. Tiger. i Its True Value. The Parson Now, teH mo candidly, doctor, is there really anything in thin so-called imaginary illness of women T The Doctor Um well there la about ?5,000 a year in it for me. A FAIRY TALE. "Is the house that Jack built a fairy tale, papa?" "Yes, dear." "Why is it a fairy tale?" "Because it didn't cost any more than the architect's esiirtate." At the Boarding House. "Mrs. Skimp, you would make a very popular railroad manager." "Why do you say that, Mr. Grouch ?" "Because of your tendency to keep cutting down the fare." Drew a Lemon. "What kind of a husband did your sister get?" "Aw, she got a lemon. He makes her economize on clothes to pay for the candy and flowers he sent her before be-fore they were married." Getting at the Facts. "You are opaque, are you not?" sarcastically sar-castically asked a man in the crowd of another who was standing in front of him. "Faith, an' Ol'm not," replied the other. "It's Misther O'Brien Ol do be." A Willing Worker. "Mamma," said little Louise, "what is a schemer?" "A schemer, my dear," replied the knowing mother, "Ib a man who would rather swindle a fellow man out of a nickel than earn a dollar by honest labor." , The Balance. Wife (looking at her shopping parcel) par-cel) There Is nobody In this material materi-al of my purchase. Husband (looking at his) There s plenty of spirit In mine. Novelty Demanded. "You don't say 'down with tha trusts!' In your speeches any more." "No," replied Senator Sorghum; "mine are like other audiences. You'va got to give 'cm something new." |