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Show The Latest Life Saving: Device. The millenium has amved! Saloons may as well close their doors! The Sunday closing law is a dead letter and the old time "bootleg' vender of liquid lightning must retire to the catacombs cf "has beens.' An organization to be known as the Compressed Spirits company has been formed in Bingbampton, N. Y., capitalized for $1,000,000, with well-known New York and Cincinnati financiers on the board of directors, for the manufacture of whisky and wine compressed tablets, ihe discovery in accredited accred-ited to Charles Obendaugh of Binghamptou and it is predicted the discovery and its fruits will revolutionize hc revenue laws. Work on die plant has already commenced and drinks in compressed form will be on the market before Christmas. No longer will the thirsty sojourrer in the close-communion close-communion States be seen dodging around empty barns and wandering through antiquated graveyards grave-yards in search of the elusive traveling gin vender. No more will the sad-eyed old sport with sand-laper sand-laper throat and lack-luster eyes wend his weary way from his attic boudoir to the side door of the Sunday closing saloon and with persuasive beer-choked voice plead for an elongated eye-openei eye-openei . No more will the printers' devil skee through back alleys with a string of growlers suspended sus-pended from ii pole filled with foamy oil of hops wherewith to quench the parched throat oi the man behind the linotype. The old wet jag is a bit of ancient history and will soon be relegated to the abode of Salem witchcraft, Washington presses and prtirie schooners, for the incoming "booze tablet," guaranteed to contain a ten whisky jag minus hair-pulling headaches will soon be placed in the hands of the great American contingent con-tingent of thirsty pilgrims in this vale of tears. One of these innocent-appearing little tablets is guaranteed to make a man sociable onough to greet his mother-in-law with ouetretchpd arms; two will increase his bank account to proportions rivaling that of J. Pierpont Morgan, and tnree will supply him with a menagerie superior to anything Earnum in his palmiest days beguiied the American Ameri-can public with. No longer will foxy hubby be compelled to imperil his soul's salvation with excuses ex-cuses for going to see a man between the acts. Verily "de world do mce" on spirituou as well us material lines. |