Show I I I I j I Guidebook to Gallantry I I HY U- AIMA II WOODWARD I A r t tI I ICoro ht 1513 by bi tho the Press P Company cox CONDUCT S nIE is much mall maligned merchandise usually thought of oC in conjunction with the tho descriptive de- de knock this Is Lowbrow Day Da by br day growing less true For following ing the tho copious whito white face faco third man nan of or an acrobatic team there ma may maybo maybo bo be a man snivel and somo painfully correct costume dances whose whoso every o cr little movement has hasto ha hato to wade evade the tho vigilant Ian lamp of or tho the vice committee and still give tho the peerless press 3 agent ent something t to toS S talk about S So tho the blUe laws of oC vaudeville conduct have hav haveS S chan changed cd considerably To bo be quite correct correct a careful care care- ful CUI U study of or tho the following rules will vilI do wonders Never Ne ask whore where tho the cent 50 seats scats are arc any more You will be tho the recipient of ot a frozen rozen flash from fron rom ever every quarter ter And nd the young oun lad lady with you ou wIll wll I retire In lii a abject humiliation to stud study the tho framed portraits In tho the lobby S When you ou plank down your our one or one and half haI per remark in bitter foiled rolled tones There Isn a a. vau vaudeville show v on earth worth It This will avill prove proc a pleasant little opening to a catch can discussion with the man naim who's selling the tickets and make mako you ou much much beloved by bythe bythe bythe the line of victims holding ready youre you're up Your adversary a will query most likely What ha t. t IS worth 1 It t 7 You fire back Nothing hut but the opera sir Two paces further down the line lino a meek though convinced party will ill protest Or an interesting Y M M. 1 c. c A. A lecture on The Tho Child Widows of ot India To be rudely downed by b a P second Forty street voice oice crooning only Crampy the Kid up against t the Thomas Street As oure youre arran arranging gin your our belongings let letour your you our eyes ces travel slowly around the filling fast house and observe to your our lair fair companion Just look at fit the faces The Tho vaudeville ho hot polloi polio Bah As No 1 Is 18 posted tell her that it was SO foolish foolish fool Cool l ish h to get in so BO early dont don't you ou know lenow because o or of course the first numbers are always alwa's chasers Then because you OU chide yourself do everything In your power to mako malco that chasers act more of ot a fizzle than thai It would bo ho ordinarily Cough twist turn sneeze Drop everything youre you're holding and bang everybody around you yoi OU when hen you OU stoop to pick them up This will help the tho chasers chaser's act a a. lot ot After a few chasers maybe there will be he a high high- priced slapstick comedy turn Gazo Gaze on it with censorship in iii your our eye ce And when tho the mighty might applause ap up- breaks as as break It will look about with well bred blank questioning Utter scorn of or such appreciation is In order At No Xo 7 j you OU Inspect your our program and bur burst bursi l linto into My h goodness are they the stilt still doing that act Wh Why Wimy I saw sa- them thorn down do at t old ron Tony Pastors Pastor's In Inin in that same thing Will m you tell me mo how th they got sot MONEY IO-EY for tor that And this Is what we wo P. P PAY Y for At last comes tho high brow stunt It In Is helplessly helplessly help help- JessI lessly out of ot place place- placeIt It is s. s It ii Is isUn Un un un- leavened Men be begin in to push past last you Olt in fives thes and tens telis hats In hands lips moving In anticipatory liquid appetite Wither them Scorch them with 1 your Jour disdain And Just as a particularly looking dissolute bunch approaches comment audibly You see when they do crt an anything thin decent lecent Its It's entirely over their heads heads ENTIRELY ENTIRELY Final admonition In Iii going out dont don't loosen that nose in attitude And conceal completely complete the wonderful seething jo joy that has filled your our heart at the tho most blatant hors horseplay play In iii the thc show and the to bored dullness s you ou experienced ened down in your out soul durin during the hl high h art turn For if it over ever got prot ot out what would y you OU be butone but butone butone one of or the vaudeville nu hoi hol polloi |