Show 1 rr tIt Copyright 1911 b by North American Press Pres Syndicate WHAT'S THE P USE 1 I thought that I 1 might bu buy a car carand carand and zip around aroun J 1 the countryside i I 1 went to see au an agent and h I took me for fornice nice long ride nide Somehow the ne news got noi noised noid d arou d dand and fifteen agents agent i I culled on me rae And took me out in In brand now cars their points o ot excellence to see co This thing went on all summer long and really folks it was wa immense I toured all over half the state without with 1 out a nickel el of or expense Vh Why should I own a touring car I Iam I Iam am not missing an any fun I can go riding riding- all the tho time with j agents who would sell me one 1 4 FROM THE CLARION Tho The new uniforms have o arrived for tor tho the Sliver Silver Cornet band and having tho uniforms the band Isnow is isnow isnow now ready to play almost any kind of or music that Is written Tho The uniforms are so loud that the they drown the music i I. out anyhow which Is very j torY to the general public M Preparations are well along for a i rand grand unsafe and insane Fourth of or Jul July c celebration at next I j year ear The committee having the matten mat mat- mat mat-J i ten ter in iii char charge o rex reports good progress f having havIng- raised 19 19 already and having three or four business houses yet et to j visit As usual the committee will wm I 1 probably spend 2 2 for a Ua grand display dis- dis J play of fireworks in the evening c and J divide tho the rest Jj It seems like a l pu ty slow sort of a a Jj community that cant can't have a n. bathtub mystery r which baffles the police polke Handy Hand Purdy was a radin In th tb paper about a pink tea that w was M give givs down to New ew York In honor of oC a br bridei elect and Mrs Purdy s. s says B she si-ia like to pet get et some somo of ot that because so It it j H-j would match her pink trimmed cups and s er so well William Hilliker who ru runs our general general gen- gen eral store stoic sa says 8 that every feller teller that comes in takes out his jackknife and whittles a a. chunk oWn the codfish that J stands in tho barl b by tho the door until now It is a a. m mere ro of ot what It It ll jJ was five lve years ago It beats all ho how much journalistic 1 talent is goin oln to waste in this country Every feller you OU meet knows how to to torun run a newspaper a a. blamed blame sight better than tho the feller that Is running it The reports that there has hM been quite a a. carnival of ot crime in our midst of ot late The gum grim machine at the Huttel has been burglarIzed burglarized burglarized burglar burglar- three times Umes and some Bome stole Deacon Stubbs front gate Halloween nl night night- The other othor day the thc constable got ot a circular from the Pittsburgh po police police lice department a picter ot of ofa 1 a a. bank robber and after sIz n up the local talent ho hc arrested Hank Purdy and Hod Renfrew on superstition He says sas acc to the phot graft rat tho the feller hos got Hanks Hank's cars ears and Hods Hod's nose and he aint going to take tako n no t e BE THAN THANKFUL K That last years year's overcoat doesn't look Jool so very or bad alter after all alJ That you ou dont don't live Jive in Kalam Kalamazoo That you dont don't have to read this column unless you OU want to That th there re aro are only three youngsters youngsters young young- stern next door who take music lea les sons There might ht be seven That Br Bryan nn is raising onions in Texas instead o of something else in J. J A Nebraska a. a That you dont don't work on an ic fee wagon in the winter Inter That your clothes dont don't button up the back as do your our wiCe's J That you ou haven't had an opportunity t ty to try and smuggle anything by Collector Loeb Loob That you OU are not tryIng to get rich writing poetry I THE BEST SWISS CHEESE j jIn 1 In a local cafe a stranger ordered 1 Swiss ch cheese cheese- sc sandwich made of ot the best cheese obtainable The waiter wallet brought him two pieces of ot bread brea but the choose cheese appeared to be Look here sir said tho thc customer There is no cheese in this sandwich l Oh yes CS there Is was tho the reply 1 You see the best Swiss cheese i is 18 the tha theone one with the largest holes In It You Yop said you OU wanted the very vezy best and you ou have havo It It In fact tact this particular l. l cheese was entirely hole But some f. f customers are aro never satisfied I S |