Show CoI Copyright right 1911 b by North American Press Syndicate lH THANKSGIVING T TIME Oh let us all be thankful I light light- I g Ii h t- t j hearted glad and k 3 4 ga gay Because it gets us nothing to be the theother theother other wa way Bill Taft has said c weve we've got to the governor has too It really looks as Z Dy Yo I. th though ough there Is i o nothing else to do So place a second mortgage upon your SOur house and lot And go and bu buy a R. turkey with all tho the dough youve you've got Be Bo not so pessimistic no time for tor the hearse Theres There's never novel an any juncture when things could not be worse wOle TO ACCORDING UNCLE AB ABNER ER The Thc feller that invented Derby hats certainly handed civilization a jolt that set It back about four hundred yen ers I don dont don't t believe the will suffragettes ever wear suspenders A f feller either Ither gets about aboul s sixteen pairs pails OL or slippers rs for Cor Christmas or he doesn't doesn t get any There should be a happy medium f But then the teller feller that sets gets shot b by mistake for tor e a a. deer leer has the satisfaction satis satis- faction of oC knowing that he resembled resen a acry very cry graceful Cr and handsome mimI mal ani ani- If Ie that Is an any consolation which it Is not 01 The feller teller who goes Joes to a a. dinner part party par par- t ty to listen Is never disappointed but a feller who goes to a dinner party part to eat sometimes is I never see a white ho boss g that was a darn durn urn fer anything haulin a henr hearse e. e The milk maids In musical comedy dont don't look 1001 much like the ones you OU see In real lifo life around our township Tho The feller who gets up tip the costumes for tor em never lived on tho the farm A feller who Is authority on every ck under tinder the sun aint very often good fer ranch else The ones that grin and smirk when the they go 10 to a party are tho the ones who are to bust into society Job Tob may have gone through a good many ordeals and retained a cheerful disposition but he never took tho the job of janitor of oC one of them twenty eight ta family m II steam heated apartment build build- in logs Ins gs What has become of or the dudes who used to part purt their hair In the middle an and brush It up lip into a curl on each side tide over tho the forefinger When hen you see ee a n. feller teHer with green whiskers you can can safely nel bet he has been ln with some somo hair hall lye dyo t which is guaranteed to keep em cm black forever There aint nothing much more embarrassing em em- than a n photograph of oC a teller tel fel fel- fel ler took with his g class SO SOME IE THINGS WE HAVE NEVER NEVER- SEEN An automobile that that was really running running run ning at its Hs best A bowlegged man who could get many dancing partners A book agent who didn't look as though he was cut out for the ruin min A ten-cent ten glass cutter that would cut when you wanted wante It A genuine g-enuine diamond on the stage A society leader header who hated hate to have her picture in the paper paperA A barber who couldn't name nama every e champion since Jem Mace THE TIlE WHOLE HOLE MATTER ATTER SETTLED Ponder no longer upon what to get the loved ones for Christmas Do not rack your our brains bruins and pace up tip and down the floor worrying over the ad ad- ad We Ve have settled tho the whole matter for you OU by arranging the following list Each item is guaranteed guaranteed guaranteed guaran guaran- teed to give satisfaction and all you OU have to do is to go so and buy them and han hang them on the Christmas tree Following Following Fol- Fol lowing honing Is our approved list upon which w we tale take the tho remnants of or our reputation reputation reputation tion as a picker tI For Wife An VIre An electric limousine For Daughter A Daughter A bab baby grand piano For Son oui John John John-A A diamond ring For Uncle Peter A A seven parson ger gel touring car For Aunt Matilda A Matilda-A A sealskin coat For Father Father Father-A A block of at Standard Oil stock For Mother A Mother A pianola For Son Willie A Willie A Wright biplane For Baby Baby shar shares of or United Steel For the Janitor Janitor Janitor-A A house and lot For the Maid A Maid A watch and chain These These- SUH suggestions are offered absolutely absolutely tree free of oC charge All AU you ou have ha to todo todo I do now Is to get the presents the samo wa way OUR OPTIMIST CO CONTEST TEST An optimist is one who can feel the thelast thelast thelast last suspender button give wn way and nOlI then con congratulate himself over the fact that he ho has got a frock coat on One One who knows An optimist is a man who can look forward with joyful anticipations to attending a pupils pupil's recital given un under under under un un- der the auspices of a singing teacher E E Pluribus Unum An optimist is a feller that fits eyeglasses eyeglasses eye eye- glasses an and nose nose glasses glasses to a feller Bob Dob T n STATUE All readers of ot the time Three Musketeers Mus Mus- and admirers of ot DArtagnan and who does not admire him will willbe willbe be glad to hear that a statue Is to be raised to their hero It is to bo be placed nt at Gels Gere in Gascony which Is perhaps rather tar far afield but then DArtagnan was of or course a n Gascon We Pc agree with M. M Paul In the tho that the pedestal of the time statue at least should have a medallion of J the charming Mme Mine M. M p tells us that DArtagnan was wa-J drawn from flom life There was a certain Charles de Bat Batz Seigneur dArtagnan who ho played a n heroic partIn part partIn In III the war wars of oC Louis XIV the Dumas took his hero from this character The real DArtagnan fought ht in a prodigious prod prodigious pro pro- d number of campaigns and was employed on secret ml missions b by Richelieu Riche fiche lieu Heu and Louis XIV Finally Filially he was killed at the thc siege of Maastricht Just when his fortune was vas at its height There is not we think an any evidence in Dumas Dumas' book boole that our hero ever married But the real DArtagnan and made a n sad mss mess of ot it for he had a n ner er very jealous wife le It is possible that posterity would woul never er have heard of or this charming cn tuler if ir it had not been for Dumas Westminster Ga Gazette T IY |