Show 1 or I OP THE THINGS E WE I HAVE NEVER SE SEE SEEM 1 I Copyright ht h 1011 b by C. C N N. Mather I Never e cr saw sav a 1 wild west cst show sho Without a Deadwood Deadwood Dead Dead- I wood coach or so o. o I never saw stuck tuek in tho the mire ci i I A street car with A 4 A Aa j It a pun punctured c t U r t f tire tiro i i I 1 never nevel saw a a J run about l v That didn't t snort t R I J nn growl rowl an ani j l spout l lI I never saw a Hill or 01 Nannie goat oat J Particular about Its It table r I never saw a railroad smoker where t TherA was tho the slightest 1 semblance o of r n fresh air all I never saw a football player but hut I wanted to bu buy him a L good haircut I n never ncr cr saw aw a 3 i That looked to inc rno just like ILko a real machine 4 1 ACCO ACCORDING TO UNCLE ABNER There seems to be some discussion as to whether Elbert Hubbard I 1 the Bernard Shaw of America or whether Bernard Shaw I Is the the Elbert EILert Hubbard of or England j There Is s said to be a plot on foot to destroy the Fr French navy nar it b it items ems n as though If IC they would on only j let the French na navy alone It would d destroy Itself Judging J by the pictures In various rious American newspapers the French ench lt- tal- Liberte resembled every enry known craft from a motorboat to the i fr Andy Carnegie has ha decided riot not to J start a newspaper after all Starting t a newspaper is no job for a man with j only a few hun hundred millions That war may not bo be such a had bad 1 J thin thing for America Maybe Ia be some of A Athe the Italian grand opera singers will have to stay over o there and fight The arc are sUfi referring to him occasionally as Chump Clark A AI 4 r 0 THINGS GS TO THINK THI-K ABOUT Statistics show that there are I s swine lne in the world not In Including Including In- In I those who push women and ancl children out of oC tho the wa way so as to get the best seats seat In the street car There Thero was once a street car ear con conductor luc luc- tor who got off ocr and opened umbrellas j for women pas passengers durin during rain rain- storms torms Ho He died dle l o of pneumonia Tie The best wa way to make malc a balloon light Is to touch a match to itIn it In ono one month a single caterpillar devours de six thousand times its Us own weight In Iii food A married caterpillar probably devours much more Nicaragua is a small slOan country in Central America bounded on the north by revolutionists rc on the south I Iby by lo on the east cast by I fleeing fleeing- ex presidents and pre eC on the west westby b by mosquitoes B BROMIDES i j lD lD'S S To whom are arc you ou writing toZ tor The Ill Cat steamer The explosion came very sudden sudden- 1 ly n Tho The Tho house was packed from pit to dome A level headed bu business man scarred Battle veteran The police are at work on the case The Injured man was rushed to the hospital Our well known tonsorIal artist I IThe The chauffeur chauffour claims he was driving J ing lug very ery slowly The Tho bri bride le Cleaned on her fathers father's j arm 1 1 Good morning mornin Judge j Gentlemen of oC tho the jur jury 1 Our known well leader society 4 A DOWN TiiE THE AISLE AISLE J Snatches of conversation between young youn women clerks of a R certain de department department department de- de store heard as ns we passed down the aisle looking looking- for A spool of No 60 white cotton thread And my gentleman friend has got ot the prettiest finger nails You never never never- Me Ie and him went out to North NorthPark NorthPark Park last night Class Class Class- But they sa say ho has her over for tor another Aint it Just the Ilin- Ilin Mr Jones told me mo he never ne seen een such eyes oyes In his life lite as Must be somebody blacked cm em Here Hero kitty kitt kitty kitty No class to him at all Ice cream soda Is the limit and do you ou know know know- Tho The floorwalker said hl he was goIng goIng goIng go- go Ing to see that I got an an Increase n in n salary alary next month Bunk Maggie Ial le Nope not tonight Angle Angie My 1 in intended intended intended in- in tended is coming comin over to blow himself for street car ride Im I'm afraid that boys boy's to pass awa away with enlargement enlargement enlarge enlarge- ment moot of the heart before I ever get a chance to marr marry him Um urn Swell well I should think so but buth but but- Why h you ou catty thin thing I aln aint t put a athing athing thing on m my face Co for three years 1 You loU oU make k e me me- me if d |