| Show t OF OFt MME Co Corl Copyright rl ht 1911 ion by br North American Press Syndicate THE TIlE MEDICINE 1 MA MAN OAN I I Old Uncle Pete with perfect case acq acquIred acquired ac ac- q each cach new t I ly found Cound disease e. e It seemed to be his his his' chief delight tho the r. o-r. q only onh on one e he had Of Or Uncle Peter It i was said h he was wag wa unhappy out of I bed u f To 0 be a chronic giggle In Invalid I orbin fad tact valid was waa his ab- ab There was no dope done h ha h world 0 the cSc no not t take He honest cure al alo o the nice fake swallowed most mORt Impartially ar and d smacked his mi lips f for Cor r more IP The ThA lived Jived village in druggist almost made pl his pile and regal style tt For Uncle Pete Pet had surely been n tho the makin of his hla store storo It brou brought ht old Pete a lot o of fame because be- be causo cause ho always got ot his name nam And picture in the papers a as a well well- Known n public man man Who had been cured of this or that and amI Uncle Pete would come to bat i Each day with some new illness ns as an export expert sick man can Ho used to do rho some protean stunts and have nine ailments aliments all at once J Until ono one da day lay the villa village e heard that that'll poor old Pete was dead He lie did not clio llo of grim grin disease We Wa cannot all go as we please The bl big sign at tho the drug storo tell fell 9 and hit him on the head THE TIIE FURNACE SYMPOSIUM Mrs rs F F. G. G II H writes Our ow own n furnice furnace fur nace nice Is 15 all right and is well wen behaved and consistent It is our neighbors neighbor's furnace that causes all o of our trouble When our neighbor and hb his wife wHo get to talking about their turna furnace e life In n nour our block Is hardly worth living Yesterday Yesterday Yesterday Yes Yes- th they bc began an discussing their furnace furnace fur fur- nace pace at al 7 o'clock In the tho morning and kept it up until 10 o'clock at night All that we could hear was t I 1 did You didn't I 1 did You didn't and then there would be a session of discussion discussion discussion dis dis- dis- dis of oC intimate family affairs that we dared lIared not rot listen lIten to and anything that a nei neighbor dares not If listen ten to is b pretty prell warm talk It takes them ab about ul fifteen minutes after opening opening- their furnace discussion to get to twitting each other about their relatives We Weare Weare 0 are thinking thinking- of ot chipping chipping- In and buying them theta a new furnace Somebody y must do something to prevent a nel neighborhood neighborhood neighbor neighbor- hood scandal and a divorce orce T T. R R. F. F says sa-s I dont don't know what to do with wIlh m my ashes I If you rou are speaking o of your personal person person- al ashes we would suggest that yon ou have them put in a nice urn and placed on top of the piano but if you OU mean your our furnace ashes the recipe Is Isas isas as follows Fill a largo large pan or pall pail with ashes Then wait walt until a dark wind windy night a and set tho the pall pail of ot ashes quietly out In the back yard In the morning morning- If It there Is a a. good wind your pall will be entirely and empty empt your our neighbors for tor blocks around will have ha havethe havethe the ashes Dont Don't mention this to anI any any- bod body Only fifteen or twenty o of us I know It and it Is a secret THAT THA THANKSGIVING TURKEY J Householder You Householder You ask us how to carve canoe a six-pound six turkey so It will reach nineteen guests besides a n family of ot seven Nothing easier easler dear friend believe belleva us First you get the turkey This Is la lathe l 7 the hardest part o of the entire undertaking under under- taking Then you OU have hae It Jt cooked a a. anice anice nice rich nut brown and placed upon tho the table Get tho the guests all seated so that the they can all watch you In in- in Then walk over o to the stovepipe stovepipe stovepipe stove stove- pipe and sharpen the carving ron knife on it Jab the fork torl into the turkey and take off oft your our coat Then swing awing the bird gracefully gracefully- around your our head bead three times and Jam It t down In the platter and go after atter It with the knife First remove the lc legs I Grab tho the leg leE firmly with the left lett hand and Jab around with the knife and listen to advice until you OU find the Joint Thero Thera is only one Joint and that is 19 an opium t Joint Remove your our vest est and roll up your oUr sleeves B By the time tho guests start to get Jet on err their wraps raps to go home homo you OU will have ha the first t leg leg- removed The rest is simple Dont Don't get It Itc c carved r ed until about 9 o'clock at night B By that time tho the guests will all have gone home and you OU and the family can have the bird We charge charse for tor counsel THI THINGS GS WE WILL WILD NEVER EVER KNOW KOW r Who Is really the oldest Odd Fellow How it feels feela to have enough money for tor Christmas I. I How some somo women have the nerve i to wear some hats l h Why somebody doesn't Invent a a. I practical pipe cleaner How some p people ople can own automobiles automobiles automo automo- biles on pedestrian salaries salarieS' J What they do with the chicken that thatIs Is supposed to go Into the chicken sandwiches J Why h t the he homely homel men always marry the prettiest women Copyright 1911 b by North orth American i 1 Press Syndicate r. r |
