Show t. t SON Ifs T Tt OY FROM RO THE CLARION Copyright ht 1911 b by C C. N N. Mather Lem Higgins H i 1 g g I Ins na our popular and congenial undertaker undertaker under under- taker also proprietor proprIetor proprietor pro pro- of or tho the livery liv lh er cry ery feed and sales t stables says sas since tho advent of or tho ri f his liver liv- liv er cry bu business is i about ruined but y there IB is one ono I oct h. h ly Iy solemn thought though t and antI that Is 18 that as X II 1 long jong as the oat oat- mobiles keep Jeep on multiplying the tho under under- business will always be on the tho increase An actor feller who was doln don fourteen fourteen fourteen four four- teen shows a da day at our movin pieter plc- plc ter tel vaudeville house went ent crazy last lost week Ho He thinks he Is a film I see b by the papers that at a re recent recent recent re- re cent White House party the tho President was surrounded by a large circle of ot friends and b by tho the way it takes takeR quite a n large circle of oe friends to surround the President too At a a. recent party in our village tho the hostess made mado a a. mistake and served her husbands husband's poker chips of or dinner after mints Tho The matter Is la be being beIng belog be- be ing log hushed up as both are aro pillows of ot the Hard Shell church Hank Purd Purdy ruined a new brand-new pair pall of ot overalls one day last week by settin down on a a. piece of ot sticky fly fly- paper He pulled tho the se sect seat t em to yank the tho blamed thing off otto Tho The that runs through our place Is so crooked that tho the engineer kin gos gossip lp with the tho passengers rs in the thelast last coach about half hale the time timor Theother Tho The other day the cowcatcher scratched a lot of ot paint oWn the Pullman sleeper sloop sleep er or and the fireman borrowed a n. thaw chaW of ot from the porter of or the tha chair car There Thoro Is only one family in our town that hasn't got three or four kids tak- tak in music lessons and that one keeps a 3 phonograph The Huttel now has running running running run run- ning water in every overy room The roo roof leaks There are are two things in this world that are arc never unexpected and they are arc corned beef and Miss Lutie Lutle Perkins of ot our town Is I l popular pular songs fer a movin pitcher show That is to sa say they are popular until she sings cm ern FOR FOIt THE AA ANANIAS ANIAS CLUB Tho The attention of ot Hon lIon T. T Roosevelt CIt who made mutIe the tho Ananias club one of ot the leading organizations of ot this country countr I la is respectfully called to the fact tAct that there are aro a few candidates he has not yet dl discovered ered co Wed We'd like to nominate a few for full full- fledged membership Upon tho the bucking bucking- goat wed we'd like to see these take a trip Tho The man who sends you OU garden seeds seeds he guarantees will grow Gj b Tho The man who says he never sowed sowed- j wild wild- oats when he was young oung 1 j The man who says sas ho never was on watermelons stung f The man who says his wife wiCe does not object when hes he's out late The man who says he ho always pays his rent right on the date The man who says sas he can run his car without repairs The man who says he simply dotes doles on all grand opera airs Tho The man who says his wife and he have never had a scrap The The- Theman man who says for tor stag events he doesn't give a a. snap The man who says SolS ho houses uses only seven tons of pf coal coal The man who says financially hes he's never neer been in the tho hole holo The Tho man who says lays hes he's never sick but always feels O. O K The than man man who says Sll'S he always alwa's pa pays s 's r rand and never beats his way The man who says he loves to do all the household chores The man who says in winter time h he loves 10 to sleep outdoors The Tho woman who says that she does not taro care at all for dress The woman who says that sho she has hos no vain aln fads to conte confess The woman who says saS that she dearly loves to cook the meals meal K The woman who says SIR that she always shows the mood sho she feels fee The woman who says that she's never Jealous one small bit The Tho woman who says that she ehe never has hM an angry fit tit The f I woman who ho says that her kl kids s 1 1 are always alwa's well behaved cd Tho The woman who says as a's that upon her j hats much flinch coin she's sho's saved The woman who says sas that she's sho's never nover cared to learn to sing The woman who says sas that she never frota rota oer o'er anything If these dont don't bring the membership up to what ho desires 4 Well We'll give 0 T. T R. R nine million more first class artistic liars |