Show WOMAN HO woman hi our hours of ease Uncertain coy and hard to please when pain and anguish wring the brow wg A ministering angel thou This was one of the toasts tendered at a Reunion and Banquet given by the U S Senate reporters January 19 1885 in Washington It was responded to by H J Gensler and we reproduce it feeling feel-ing sure our readers will appreciate it He said When I was informed that I was expected to respond to this toast I felt that i I had more time in which to prepare pre-pare myself say about five years so as to read a few thousand volumes concerning concern-ing the history of the gentle sex I might be able to give gentlemen information they do not now possess I will frankly say that what I do not know on this all engrossing subject would fill several large books There has been a diversity of opinion in regard to woman from time immemorial and the wisest philosophers and most sagacious statesmen have disagreed dis-agreed about her I am not a sentimentalist sentimen-talist as all here know and I shall simply sim-ply deal here with naked facts I shall therefore begin with the era when Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden less of Eden and turned into the world shift lessWhen When Adam awoke from that celebrated celebrat-ed sleep and discovered the robbery of one of his prime ribs his first impression was that he had fallen into the hands of the Washington detectives On looking around and finding another fellow lying alongside of him his astonishment knew no bounds especially when he found the other fellow to be a woman After he had given her a critical examination he remarked This is the most eventful day of my life Adam was not a polygamist I polyg-amist though at that time he had married mar-ried all the women in the world Eve had her whole heart and soul wrapt up in himshe had no other wrappings unless un-less it was when Adam rapped heron her-on the head when she misbehaved One summers evening Eve invited her lord to take a stroll through the garden with her and his heartless reply was No I thank you not this eve some other eve and in the silence that reigned you could have heard a house Jail or a gun drop Eve didnotwearthe breeches as the saying goes neither did Adam Taior and tailors bills were then happily hap-pily unknown Eve Was very inexpens ive and her bills were very small They always kept a supply of fig trees in the back yard which was their source for obtaining ob-taining clothing Adam was a very happy man he had no motherinlaw and all the married men since his day have envied him I have heard it said that the first instance on record of a walking stick was when Eve presented Adam with a little Cain After appropriate appro-priate anecdotes and roundelays illustrating illus-trating the character of his interesting subject and the tender and delicate relations rela-tions of the fair to the sterner sex Mr Gensier remarked that There is one thing however that man can boast of He was created first After man came woman and 0 heavens she has been after bun ever since men alter describing the many raetn I ods of lovemaking the speaker said Another method of making love is I where the young man dressed in the latest lat-est dude fashion encased in a Newmar ketfor which perhaps he owes his ailor takes his accordeon and plants himself under the window of his affianced and sets all the dogs in the neighboring yards to barking by singing Darling I Good Night a serenade from Olivette I After a while the two young confiding hearts get married A very wise philosopher philoso-pher avers that you require in marriage precisely the same quality that you do in eating sausageabsolute confidence In the course of timenot alwaysa third figure Appears upon the scene Perhaps ill the married men have had their day in court and know how it is themselves I In my minds eye I can see one of my good young friends about me toward the sma wee hours of morning tenderly I holding his little baby in his arms walking walk-ing up and down his chamber with the steady siow and soldierly step of a senti nel singing in a melodious voice Sing ing Hush hush make no noise i Qmet you must keep Baby has closed his eyes I And gone to sleep I Do not wake my baby Do not wake my babe Another stage in married life is where the young man goes down to see the boys and seeks the pleasure of the club not the policemans club or perchance it may be that he may have had the honor t attend one of the famous banquets of the S R B A Then Mr Gensler sang one of the songs in Olivette beginning with I in a state of exhiaration begnning being encored he sang the following parody upon it When Mr Murphy calls your attention To a slight mistake youve made And says its perfectly ridiculous Its nonsense and absurd That is the time for disappearing Just take a header down you go When Mr Murphy through the door is disappearing I When Mr Murphy through the door is disappearing dapparR Bob up serenely bob up serenely Bob up serenely from below Speaking of the bonign influence that the generous kind and happy disposition of a woman had in a home Mr Gensler Raid RnnIt is like a beautiful ray of sunshine falling on our hearts like the refreshing falng dew of heaven There is says Irving heart spark of in every true womans hear a heavenly fire that beams and blazes in thedark hours of adversity Where a sweet temper is found in the wife mother and sister happiness and love predominate smiles kind and affectionate affection-ate words and looks characterize the children and peace and prosperity have their dwelling there In value gold has no comparison to it it enchants more than beauty One soothing touch of a bauty mothers kind hand works wonders on the feverish child and the little one lull its childish troubles finds solace of grief at fnds chidish it gref a mothers smiles and a haven of breast All through life be rest on her Al le sunshine prosperity or adver it storm or prosprity for womans love and a sity man yearns happy home earth supremely blest Home the spot on earh A dearer sweeter spot than all the rest I Brownes Phonographic Monthly |