Show I Ir I S Leslie Conder Community Reporter Vell Well this is the last advice you will be getting from me this year So SoI I have decided to jump on the band wagon and help you buy the perfect gift gill for your significant other I know this can be a daunting task for anyone no matter how well you think you know the person So I am here to take the guessing and stress out of Christmas shopping Just follow this advice and your loved one will continue loving you up until Valentines Day Now not everyone is dating the same person at least I hope we arent aren't so soI soI soI I listed specific gifts for specific personalities If you are dating a returned missionary give him the gift that he has wanted ever since he returned home A lap dance at Southern Exposure will definitely put a smile at the least on his face Ladies think about it Two years in n the desert without any water and you guys just barely made it to second base holding hands If you are confident with every fiber in your body that he would not want that for Christmas then it is time you give him the gift that has been hiding in the closet and introduce ce him to your best girlfriend Steve It was evident to everyone that he liked guys and it became clear to you when he said Girl that guy is fine I would kiss him for a million dollars or nothing You decide either way way it it will be the gift that keeps on giving Now for you lucky stiffs dating nymphomaniacs I am going to suggest a gift for you and her I know her Christmas list reads like a Blue Boutique store catalog but she really wants you to show her that you care Might I suggest a chastity belt that only you have the key to I am amnot amnot amnot not trying to be a pessimist by any means but let me just leave you with this thought you can only be bethere bethere bethere there so many hours of the day and then it is off to school or work Need I say more There are many readers who put the ho ho ho back in homosexual If you are homosexual and dont don't know what to get for your girlfriend boy because they already have everything thing including your hot behind the best gift that you can give them is counseling sessions They arent aren't really gay I am sorry to tell you this but your lover is lying to you and themselves When they are kissing you its it's a lie When the thought of kissing the opposite sex makes them literally throw up in their mouth its it's a lie You wean wean ask all all of my gay friends and they will tell you that they are happy and that its it's not a choice lies choice lies lies lies If you need the name of a good therapist just ask me My doctor is great He told me that the reason I date men that are at at t least 30 years years years' older than me is because I Iam Iam Iam am looking for the father figure that I didn't have I growing up My therapist i and I are very happy I and will be spending the holidays in Aspen For those men and women out there dating yourselves I suggest giving the gift of loving yourself I dont don't mean the kind of love that would entail lotion ot or batteries I know there are many i of you out there who are I content with being by yourself You know who you are and what you want out of life and a partner That knowledge is very empowering I suggest that you use that power to meet someone who you care about and want to spend Christmas and New Years Year's with Give yourself the gift of meeting the One either in a bar church the gym or even at school Be open to the possibilities The gift that I am giving to you all is my sense of humor through writing I hope that my writing puts a smile on your face I hope all of you have happy and healthy relationships Only until January though I need a job people Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Now go and ask the love of your life if they are into Lingus |