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J 1 g X or 5 lit King Arthur Historically Fails 1 ti i its t Audience Allen Johnson Staff Writer You know youve you've failed when some second-rate second film fm critic at a community college knows more than the consultants consultants consultants consul consul- tants about the topic of your multimillion multi mil lion dollar movie You'd think that in ina a film whose previews claim they'll tell the real story about the real man they would be concerned with getting their facts right Hollywood failed ailed main are a again are ain are we really surprised The story of King Arthur is no stranger to most of us There was the Disney version Sword in the Stone arguably the best one yet the overly fanciful Excalibur puts Arthur and his knights in century but arms and armor only armor only about 1000 years off off good good job guys and the horribly inaccurate powder puff version known as First Knight who knew Lancelot was such a lollipop as well as several other versions We are in desperate need of an accurate telling of the legend First lets let's try to some fact from the fiction Most experts agree that the man now known as Arthur probably lived somewhere around AD A.D. He is first mentioned by the monk Gildas who was writing this about AD A.D. as a great battle leader who defeated a Saxon force No king no swords in stones no ladies in lakes no magic spells no Lancelot no Guinevere no torrid love triangle All the romanticism and fantasy bits minutes of research will tell you that that that- not a hard thing to find out Before Arthur and his knights are released from servitude they must travel deep into enemy territory ry face the treat threat of an advancing Saxon force retrieve a prominent Roman family and bring them to safety Now if we establish that we are going to set a film in the mid c century V 4 J I E o oc 8 c 9 V c 4 s o oa t I. I o a N I I- I Io s o I C o c p. p Keira Knightley as Guinevere and Clive Owen as Arthur in Touchstone Pictures' Pictures King Arthur 2004 logic would suggest suggest suggest sug sug- gest that we would do research and reproduce items actually found in that area at that time Producer Jerry Bruckheimer and company must be short on logic these days Every frame is filled with historical inaccuracies inaccuracies- especially in the area of weapons and armor Virtually everyone is wearing a leather Roman lorica chest protection that was almost completely completely completely com com- phased out by this point and certainly not in use by Anglo soldiers Lancelot is shown wearing two sin sin- hand gle-hand swords across his back No M c t i f rr I f. t y f n q I It I ill 0 a I- I t 4 a s v r tj u E o oc c 2 9 l I c lo o s o Vt V Vo o t 3 s so O o o o c a OH p. Keira Knightley in Touchstone Pictures' Pictures King Arthur 2004 are later embellishments adapted upon the story Some were certainly used for Britain propaganda and others for entertainment and inspiration Now back to the movie Director Antoine Fu Fuqua ua Training Day Tears of the Sun Sun I and his team decided to take on the task of making an accurate version of the Arthur story without the magic of Merlin and the sloppy love triangle The good news ends there This version opens in in AD A.D. with Arthur and his few few tew remaining knights as indentured servants to the Roman occupying forces Problem number one The Romans abandoned Britain in AD A.D. Ten one carried swords like this in Europe until at least the century and there is no evidence of a fighting style that used two single swords together anywhere anywhere anywhere any any- where near this point in time While Im I'm picking nit-picking the grips swords were way too oo long on the Two-handed Two swords did not exist yet Arthurs Arthur's sword is an atrocity It looks like he borrowed it from Conan the Barbarian Nothing resembling that sword exists anywhere anywhere anywhere any any- where in artifact or in period artwork its artwork its it's i purely fantasy born bom of I someone's silly notion of what looks cool Another absolutely revolting display display display dis dis- dis- dis play of inaccuracy inaccuracy is when Tristan one of Arthurs Arthur's knights Tristan carries a Chinese Dao sword Really In century Britain Someone should have been fired for that One of the swords even has a modern modem hex nut nuton nuton nuton on the pommel in plain view view come come on people at least try In the film Guinevere is depicted as belonging to a group of wild woodsmen woodsmen woodsmen woods woods- men called is a plant native to o northern Europe and and the British isles Its blue dye has historically historically cally been used for body paints and clothing dye This Thi practice of body painting and tattooing was common to a race of people known as the Why they didn't just call them in the film Ill I'll never know Anyway one of the more ridiculous portions of the films is when Guinevere shows up to fight clad cladin in lit Vit Vittie tie tle more than leather suspenders suspenders History took a back seat to sex appeal yet again The inaccuracies go on and andon andon andon on and would take up much more space than I have here to explain The film is horribly choppy and poorly paced Rumor has it that this may not be Antoine Fuqua's fault Apparently this film was shot to be a avery avery very bloody R movie The powers that be at Disney co- co producers wouldn't have it So it was edited down own to a 13 PC to pick up more viewers Viewers There may be some tiny redemption for this film if we see an un-e un edited un-edited directors cut DVD that shows the film in the way Fuqua wanted it This film tanked at the box office Why It has completely missed its target audience Since the film has been demystified demystified demystified de fied all the fans of the magic legend and romance will get none of the things they love about the legend So that leaves the history buffs to watch it- it only problem is isit its s totally inaccurate So basically we have a major medieval flop This is not the true story about the theman man man its its it's just as c contrived contrive d and fanciful fanciful fanciful fanci fanci- ful as the utter fiction Michael Moore concocted for his political temper tantrum that was Fahrenheit 9 But that's another story for another day King Arthur gleans a paltry 4 I |