Show A II x 41 iy r I 1 d i X B d I T I r e O om au F r i v w Rt e a d' d w n gs Wit l Aries des ries March arch 21 April 19 Nothing will affect Aries this week more than the moon Heres Here's what to expect in the coming week The urge to howl Hairs cropping up in strange places The desire to buy Leo Sayer albums on 8 3 1 Fear of silver bullets The uneasy feeling that you are indeed a wolf Watch for growling growling growling growl growl- ing moods that you might regret and cat fights Be sure to watch your actions and intentions this week you may become confused Taurus 20 You need a lesson in perspective world is in the palm of your hand right now though it feels like the world is in a kitchen junk drawer If you look at Vice President Al AI AlGore AlGore Gore he looks like he has a full- full ish head of hair But Lo La and Behold We saw him at an official official official cial White House dinner from the back Holy hairpieces Batman Batman Batman Bat Bat- man Als Al's a big baldie Hes He's got no hair in the back and the top is isa isa a wicked bad comb over Gemini May 21 June 21 These days Gemini can do dono dono dono no wrong or if they do wrong nobody seems to give a hoot Its It's an awesome burdon burdon burdon bur- bur don being so popular isn't it With your approval rating rising as quickly and inexplicably as Clinton's the world is your ter But an oyster world can get clammy claustrophobic and smell funny no So this week get out there no Expand your mind shower often But enjoy your popularity it may not last Cancer line 22 July 22 Cancer will bathe in glory this week Be warned bathing in glory can car make your skin all wrinkly Oh that's water isn't it Never mind Bathe away Cancer This week you are prone to meet a stranger who suddenly comes up anc and gives you posies Posies are cool i You will receive the credit yoi yot deserve for all your hard work prepare to be complemented Bu I dont don't get a big head over it accept your praise gracefully t 1 t Leo July 23 Aug 22 Beware of asking I about strange compatibility sit sit- Remember first of all your compatibility with a say sayan an on the particular otter If that otter is an Aries forget forget forget for for- get it More importantly your species compatibility must be betaken betaken betaken taken into account If you are not an otter you are not compatible with an otter oHer This week beware of starting affairs with otters Watch for strange sensations and think clearly before taking action Virgo Aug 23 Sept 22 Have you been breaking lots of things lately Virgo Dates promises glasses Actually youre you're only breaking glasses At this point youre you're probably drinking your OJ out of the top half of your butter dish drinking your cognac out of a large Tupperware bowl and drinking your milk out of a cleaned leaned out steak sauce bottle Drink your milk out of the carton like ike the rest of us Virgo And buy- buy more glasses Take a new path if itis it itis its is s needed and try a new outlook Libra Sep S ep 23 Oct 22 A r Libra continues to work way hard The work will pay payoff off But need we remind you that life is short Life is precious Life is passing you by faster than something that passes you by really fast Come on Libra make a bit of time for fun Truth is that we miss our Libra pals We want our Libra pals to come out and play Anyone for fora a game of Stop and smell the roses this week Try to ignore the thorns on the branches Scorpio Oct 24 24 Nov 21 Be aware of how you appear and come across to others this week Heres Here's another universal constant As the universe expands so does docs the number of coffee bars Get ready for another shocking truth All Scorpios Scorpio's are so cool they're hot Like dry ice baby The only problem You easily intimidate all other signs t Well them's the brakes This week increase fiber decrease arrogance Sagittarius Nov 22 Dec 21 A Heres Here's what the planets have to say they y about Sagittarius this week Saturn I wouldn't kick kicka a Sagittarius out of the futon for eating crackers Jupiter What can I say In a word Sag rocks Venus If there ever was a time to stop biting your nails its it's now All the other planets weighed in favorable reviews Saggy Now is the time for you to invest in flashy clothes You have a good reputation overall with those who interact with you so use it wisely Capricorn- Capricorn Dec 22 Jan 19 Hey Capricorn last week we said the in-the- you were know Heres Here's something you probably probably probably proba proba- bly didn't know The guy who plays plays- Benson Ben on on- on Dr Katz Katz ha has green blue eyes in real life On Dr Katz they're brown Wild eh Well we thought it was interest interest- ing Anyhow this week youve you've got fewer worries than ever before That's why we knew you had time for fun and trivial facts Also planetary planetary planetary plan plan- activity recommends that you hop to work like a little bunny Aquarius Jan an 20 Feb 18 People often ask us how we calculate calculate calculate late our charts Unfortunately we can only explain it by performing an improvisational interpretive dance We get barefoot start leaping around and before you can say Patrick Ewing everybody splits Sound familiar Aquarius In your case its it's Saturn adversely affecting your personality not pretentious dance moves Never fear next week people flock to you like Canadian geese to toa toa toa a soccer field Pisces Feb 19 March 19 March 20 Your life most resembles a light fluffy pastry Pisces Nothing we tell you will ruffle your mental feathers Not even this Jupiter's moons are outto out outto outto to get you good If there ever was a time to lock yourself in the house and batten balten down the hatches its it's now So watch for trouble but remember to keep your playful attitude Your attitude will pull you through the next week and any misfortune that might come your way so stay cheery i |