| Show rr Q MRRy arS o e 0 eo Really i Imagination makes the Christmas season twinkle with excitement excitement excitement excite excite- ment but what would really happen if St. St Nick visited Utah Technical College Well Ill I'll tell you what Special to the Points West Staff December 25 1975 POLICE DEPARTMENT NABS HIPPIE TERRORIST ON COLLEGE ROOFTOP It was revealed early this morning that last night Christmas Eve thirteen units of riot-helmeted riot police responded to an emergency call from Mr Curtis Smout College Center Director of Utah Technical College at SL who had been startled by strange noises coming from the of the College Center Mr Smout was finishing up some paper work at the time Police subdued a large type hippie-type human and several animals trying to force entry via the skylights The old-aged old anarchist sporting a red like Castro-like suit black combat boots and a hippie-fashion hippie beard carried no papers but identified himself himself himself him him- self as S. S Claus Glaus Experts from the Hogle Zoo identified the animals animals animals ani ani- mals as a rare breed of arctic reindeer Salt Lake Police suspect the reindeer are stolen property and a spot check of the major zoos across the country is now being conducted The deer were being controlled by a bizzare harness studded with deafening bells The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals has been alerted and officials are expected to lodge a complaint against Claus Glaus shortly Pending vice-squad vice investigation the deer have been charged with conspiracy and are being held in the city pound Claus Glaus himself has been charged with loitering disorderly conduct being a suspicious person having no visible means of support disturbing the peace creating a public nuisance trespassing trespassing trespassing tres tres- passing breaking and entering assaulting an officer and harboring harboring harboring har har- boring unvaccinated pets r j After being apprehended the suspect was taken to St. St Marks Mark's Hospital where a spokesman reported that Claus Glaus was being treated for possible concussion multiple skull fractures broken arms and legs internal bleeding lacerations wounds on both buttocks human bite on left earlobe tear gas inhalation and temporary blindness attributed to overdose an-overdose an- an of chemical mace Police stated that a minimum of force was exercised in subduing the suspect but while being advised of his rights Claus Glaus slipped on a piece of ice and fell off the roof Clauss Claus's voice seemed to be unsteady with high pitched This made Salt Lakes Lake's Finest suspect that the man was under the influence of narcotics Blood and tests are now being administered and analyzed S. S CLAUS GLAUS STATES HES uHE'S BEEN FLYING HIGH ALL NIGHT NIGHTA A later police bulletin from the hospital reported that Claus Glaus said he and his animals flew to the college from a hideaway II north of the Arctic Circle Salt Lake Police noted that FLYING is isa isa j a common hippie slang term to describe a dope induced high I v One police quoted Claus Glaus as having admitted that he S Sand and the deer were taking a trip trip trip-as as we do every year 3 f f Because of Clauss Claus's apparent foreign origin the FBI has been called into the case Birth files reveal no record of an S. S Claus Glaus which tends to support the case that the suspect is an agent of a foreign power Federal charges have not yet been filed but the FBI says that if the suspect did indeed fly into the US U.S. a host of charges will be lodged against him These would include illegal entry into the US U.S. of a passport failure to file a a I flight plan with the FAA piloting an unregistered and aircraft flying below legal altitudes and landing in an unauthorized zone Charges of treason espionage and sabotage sabotage all all punishable by imprisonment are being explored Still shrouded in mystery are the contents of a large type commune-type bag that Claus Glaus was attempting to shove through the skylight The bag was immediately impounded by members of the Salt Lake City Bomb Squad who are now engaged in the process of dismantling dismantling and and possible deactivating the contents Arresting officers said the bag seemed to contain a number of small but cleverly disguised objects potentially dangerous appearing appearing appearing ap ap- ap- ap as gifts the objects were many shaped club-shaped articles stuffed animals and chocolate CLAUS GLAUS CLAIMS IM TM JUST DELIVERING GIFTS The suspect was also reported to have stated that his intentions intentions intentions were to give these toys to children If this is true Nicholas will be charged with crossing the state lines to incite a riot and face state charges of contributing to the delinquency of minors and operating an unlicensed charity The police declined to comment comment comment com com- ment on the possibility that Claus Glaus was a looter i At press time police opinion was still divided as to whether K the man is a demented dope fiend or a very clever revolutionary r f programmed by unknown powers to assassinate Mr Smout f 1 7 Though his voice was muffled under the oxygen tent the suspect was seen to have made an obscene jester placing his J thumb on his nose and muttering Merry Christmas Ho Ho Ho Some reporters affiliated these comments as a referral to Ho HoChi i Chi Min establishing a communist background of the suspect At o t this time the law goes unchallenged Claus Glaus will be held indefinitely indefinitely indefinitely without bail r Hope everyone has a fantastic Holiday Season Do everything i with class See ya next year J 1 Chris Wentworth f |
